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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be a bit upset with this comment from DSS?

29 replies

whackamole · 11/05/2012 21:29

'I'll learn how to hold a baby when my new brother is born'.

He has three brothers Sad and his mum is due next week. Not really sure why I am posting tbh, just needing to get it out a bit, and I know it will upset OH if I bring it up.

OP posts:
purpleroses · 11/05/2012 21:32

Why did it upset you? Because he already has 3 brothers (are they yours?) - maybe he can't remember when they were babies? Or because he's looking forward to the new baby, but it's nothing to do with you?

ProcrastinateWildly · 11/05/2012 21:32

I don't understand what you mean?

Sirzy · 11/05/2012 21:33

How old is he and his brothers? Is it a case of him being old enough to want to be involved this time?

pictish · 11/05/2012 21:33

I'm a bit nonplussed too.

LentillyFart · 11/05/2012 21:34

lost

The newborn will be his brother won't he? What's the problem here?

Hassled · 11/05/2012 21:35

Is the problem that he dind't want to learn how to hold the other brothers when they were babies? That he sees your DC as less his brothers than his mother's child will be?

Original poster
whackamole · 11/05/2012 21:36

Yes, they are mine. They are 3, 3 and 6 months, he is 11.

I think because (and I am going to try and explain this but I can't even get it straight in my head!) OH handed him the baby to hold (just while he opened the door or something, not a long-term thing) and he held him like he was a bomb about to go off. OH made a comment like 'you need to learn how to hold a baby' (sort of jokey) and then DSS said 'I'll learn how to hold a baby when my new brother is born'.

I know I'm being over-sensitive, but it does sting a bit, esp as his brothers absolutely adore him.

There are other things that are annoying me about his mum and stepdad but they are completely unrelated and it is unfair for me to allow one to influence my feelings on the other. But sometimes, one annoying thing just serves to exacerbate another annoying thing IYSWIM?

OP posts:
Original poster
whackamole · 11/05/2012 21:37

Yes Hassled you have it!

and managed to put into words in one sentence what took me 3 paragraphs Blush

OP posts:
2shoes · 11/05/2012 21:40

tbh it sounds like something a 11 year old boy would say to get out of something.
don't take it to heart

Original poster
whackamole · 11/05/2012 21:40

2shoes: you are not wrong! He spends his life (or so it seems) trying to not do stuff!

OP posts:
diddl · 11/05/2012 21:43

Do you think he was being deliberately nasty?

Sounds to me as if he was being rude back to his dad tbh.

AllYoursBabooshka · 11/05/2012 21:43

Aw, That's bound to sting a little but he's 11 and probably didn't mean anything by it.

I'm sure he would be horrified if he knew it hurt your feelings.

edam · 11/05/2012 21:44

Yeah, don't dwell on it - it's a throwaway comment from an 11yo, I doubt it's the mark of his life-long relationship with all his brothers.

edam · 11/05/2012 21:45

(Sorry that sounds a bit off in cold hard type and it wasn't meant to - just don't take the remark too seriously. 11yo boys aren't generally keen on appearing to dote on babies.)

ProcrastinateWildly · 11/05/2012 21:45

Ok I understand now. Can see why you were hurt, don't take it to heart though, he probably didn't mean it that way.

Original poster
whackamole · 11/05/2012 21:50

I (We) don't really, but TBF it was practically the last thing he said before his mum collected him - his birthday weekend where he was thoroughly spoiled and we didn't even get a thank you.

And thus begins the teenage years. Grin Two years early! Can we send him back for a refund?

Sorry not trying to drip feed or anything

OP posts:
BlackholesAndRevelations · 11/05/2012 22:06

He's 11.... Maybe he thinks he has to learn how to hold a baby when the baby is brand new?!

Or maybe he's a pre-pubescent stepson who's trying to hurt you (cos that's what stepkids can do to their step parents- I was one, and regularly lashed out as a teen- maybe to see if my stepdad would stick around? Who knows)

Either way I wouldn't take it to heart. Maybe next time you see him make an innocent comment about how much his brothers look up to him and love him.

mynewpassion · 11/05/2012 22:08

Did you guys teach him to hold any of his baby brothers?

BlackholesAndRevelations · 11/05/2012 22:09

Oh I've just re read your post and agree with whoever said he was being rude back to his dad. Maybe had an inkling that it'd hurt you both but was stung by his dad's comment so wanted to get him back?

Either way.... He's 11!

TheHouseOnTheCorner · 11/05/2012 22:14

He's 11! They get embarrassed about babies and things...he's got a lot going on with you AND his Mum due...don't be so sensitive. He's just being typically child-like.

Original poster
whackamole · 11/05/2012 22:18

Yes mynewpassion but he is a bit like the stereotypical man when holding them - the three year olds are better!

I will chill out. I am being over sensitive I know.

OP posts:
purpleroses · 11/05/2012 22:24

I'd tell him he'll soon be the expert with babies, won't he? With 4 smaller siblings all looking up to him.

2shoes · 11/05/2012 22:25

well mys one at 11 would have rather stuck pins in his eyes than hold a baby.
they grow out of it when they are about 18

mynewpassion · 11/05/2012 22:27

As I see it after your last post, his comment was directed at his dad rather than at you. Also, its a bit different from spending almost everyday with a baby and seeing one 2 days out of the week or however much time he comes to your house.

He's going to get more exposure and more baby holding time with his new brother living with him as your 3 year-olds did with their newest brother.

fatherchewylouis · 11/05/2012 22:40

I don't seem to be getting the implication the rest of you are getting from his comment.

I could understand if had said "when my brother is born" this would be implying he didn't see your 3 as brothers but by saying "new" he is clearly identifying it as an additional brother.

Also agree he was just putting off / getting out of baby holding.

I don't think there's anything to bread into it personally but obviously you know him better.