To hope this teache has something to say to me

[shinybaubles]

At the beginning of the week I got a letter home about parents evening, to be held today and that Ds has an appointment at 7.50 - 8.10 pm, so I fill in slip saying we won't be attending and send it back. Not attending because it's so late will have to get Ds 2 out of bed after he has been asleep and take both kids, it says on form no kids allowed, it also says no alternative appointments will be offered this is the only chance to speak to Miss O. Well I see Miss O to speak to at least once a week and was even helping out this week in class, she normally tells me how Ds 1 is doing, so I think nothing urgent at parents evening. Also Ds is leaving the school next month.
Yesterday there was a note home asking about Ds new school, and I reply happy to tell you when I next see you.
Get to school this afternoon and Miss O is at the door I said do you want to have a chat one day about new school, she says I must Attend parents evening, I explain I can't , am given the line no other appointments will be offered -ok but I wasn't asking for one. Then I was questioned as to not having a babysitter, and not having relatives available, then told it was very important to attend and that I am allowed to bring the kids.
So I'm going to parents evening with the kids seeing as I have been told to do so.
AIBU to be cross if she has nothing to say, and also if there is something seriously wrong with Ds and or his work she could have told me anytime all term and asked me to make an appointment if it was something formal.

Please stop worrying now and go along tonight and find out what is going on. There is nothing you can do until then.

I agree the time is very late (7 p.m. finish time is the latest I've heard of before your post) and you shouldn't have been put on the spot like that, especially in front of all the other parents, so I think you should either tell them tonight or write a letter of complaint.

In my primary, the parents sign up to the slots they want, in secondary it was the child's responsibility to collect appointments. If a parent couldn't make it, then a different time and day were sorted.

Outraged and the OP has said she cannot attend because of her younger child. She had the interests of all her children to consider, not just the one the teacher wants to discuss.

PS - I teach too - there's no way we'd ever suggest what you've been offered where I work.

I can't believe they just send appointments out! They must have loads who cant come...silly buggers.

I was in his class yesterday helping and she let me out of the school and chatted for 10minutes she could have said then I see you're not coming to the parents evening, but I really need to speak to you etc.
And now I am worried about what she has to say and if it's so bad\important I could have been told before now.

Instead of yakking to you yesterday when letting you out she should have said her piece then.

I also have a two yr old, and like you say, he'd be having major tantrums if I woke him to go to a meeting at 7.50pm - that's not fair on anyone. I really think you should refuse to go and insist on another timeslot. As a teacher I think that's completely reasonable. They shouldn't be making you feel guilty for not having a babysitter. I'm really annoyed for you!

That time is past my bedtime and I'm 31! Slight exaggeration but I'd be more than peeved.

I agree that OP shouldn't attend if she can't without it being a major inconvenience for her whole family. And she shouldn't be put under unneccesary pressure to attend. But I don't think she can expect that the teacher shouldn't stress that parent/teacher time is important. Because it is important.

I woudo be more pissed off about a parents evening system that doesn't even give parents a chance to state a preference about a time slot. It's not that difficult to put a list up onthe classroom door and get Parmesan to write their name next to one of the slots like the school I work at does. Or my dc's school asks you to select a half hour time slot and they will try to give you a ten minute appointment within that. I've got my second dc in Y5, and I have always been given an appointment within the time requested.

Is this teacher quite young? Maybe she's taken it all a bit literally. Bypass her - call and speak to the head. Thinking about it, you'll probably be offered another slot with no fuss.

I do go to parent teacher meetings I know they're important, but she gives me regular updates about Ds so I thought it was all ok, and Ds has an agenda where the teacher is supposed to make a note if anything needs discussing etc and there has been nothing. I really hope she's wasting my time for nothing because Ds has said everything is going well at school and so has she.

Nope not would guess mid forties, she has been teaching there for 11 years.

I think she's bloody cheeky questioning your childcare arrangements. I hate it when schools think they can boss the parents around as well as the children!

Odd. No one could expect you to go in these circumstances. You need to either call or write. Keep the tone very reasonable. I would be really surprised if you're not offered an alternative.

Some thing like:

Dear xxxxxx (head),

I have been offered a parent meeting at 7.50pm this evening. Initially I returned the slip to say I would not be able to go as I have other children and no family and friends nearby to babysit. However Miss O explained the meeting is very important, and has implied there is something quite serious that needs to be discussed, which has made me quite anxious. She questioned my lack of a babysitter (something I feel quite upset about, as of course, ideally I would like to have been able to ask family or friends) and then said I would be able to bring the children with me.

Although I agreed to this, I have decided that it would be very unfair on my two year old to wake him to attend this meeting, as well as making the meeting very stressful for both myself and Miss O, as he will inevitably be extremely upset.

I do understand that parent meetings are important, and have always attended in the past. I am therefore writing to request a different, mutually convenient time to meet to discuss any concerns Miss O has about my son.

Most schools I have worked at (secondary) judge teachers (harshly) on what % of "their" parents come to parents evening.

You would think so Magichouse, and at another school I might but in the original letter sent out it's there in big letters about no appointments will be rescheduled, or offered apart from the one tonight. And the deputy head was standing there the whole time listening so i don't think they will be flexible. The problem is now I am worried , and Ds heard all this as he was standing there and is worried he has done something wrong, he's just been saying I am a good boy at school mama I am telling the truth, so now I really am going because I don't want this worrying him all weekend, he is a big thinker for a 6 year old.

IMO if whatever the teacher wants to talk abut is so important and meeting should have been organised in school itme on a mutually suitable date. Parents evening is about progress, seeing your child's work not about addressing major issues. Those are for another time/place.

And I always take my child with me to parent's evening. It's good for him to hear about how he is doing too!

I think you have to go tonight now you've committed and the Deputy Head was there with the teacher, but please try not to worry, and keep reassuring your DS1.

I would also suggest you keep your toddler up late, just for tonight, as surely that will be less hassle than waking him to take him out not that long after he's gone to bed. And in the unlikely event that any other parents are put out if your toddler plays up, make sure you blame the school. It is their fault, after all!

Another Target unfortunately. Schools are expected to get a set percentage of parents along to parents eve.

i would not go. i would ring them (presume someone will be there seeing as it's P.E)

if it's THAT important they will simply have to find an alternative time to tell you. end of story.

I know but now I have a worried Ds, and he's more important their idiotic stance. Also don't want to annoy his teach as he has another 6 weeks with her in a very small class and wouldn't want him to have a teacher who may take it out on him

Grrr! All the more reason not to go!

In that case send something like:

Dear xxxxx(head)

Having always attended parents' evenings in the past, I am extremely upset to have been offered a time I am unable to attend, particularly in the light of a note in my son's planner implying that there is something very serious that needs to be discussed.
My reason for not attending is that I have no friends or family nearby who can babysit, something which you can imagine is quite difficult for me.
Although Miss O agreed in view of this that I can bring my children, I have reluctantly decided that I will not wake my two year old to attend, largely because he will in all probability be very upset, making the meeting extremely difficult for Miss O and myself, not to mention for both my children.
In the light of these circumstances, I am writing to request another meeting at a mutually convenient time for myself and Miss O, and look forward to your reply.
and if you can't offer me one you're a complete sh*t

Kind regards

Email it to the head, and cc to chair of governors if you know that address.

I agree, under the circumstances, that you should go, as your DS is now anxious about what the teacher will say.

I do think it's outrageous that no alternative has been offered, particularly as you have very good opportunities to speak to the teacher at other times which appear to be convenient to both of you.

I would complain to the head.

X posts!

I guess it's easier to keep the peace then!

I still think you're worrying over nothing, and they'd change it for you though!

If you go, hope it's worth it!