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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this teacher isn't coping very well.

56 replies

hiddenhome · 10/05/2012 21:11

ds2 is in year 2 and his teacher is young and possibly newly qualified. She's very nice, but I suspect she has been struggling with the behaviour of some of the boys in the class.

ds2 said that the teacher was crying the other day and that she told the class that she would go home upset and crying because of the poor behaviour.

I do sympathise, but we moved ds2 from another school because the teacher wasn't coping and the behaviour was interfering with learning, and now this.

ds2 is very quiet and well behaved and some of the other boys are okay, but some aren't and do act up.

Confused
OP posts:
olimpia · 10/05/2012 21:13

It sounds very childish and very unprofessional IMO for a teacher to tell her pupils she's going home to cry because they've been naughty. Seriously?

ShellyBobbs · 10/05/2012 21:14

Speak to the head tomorrow and repeat what you have been told. If this is true then she desperately needs some training or to rethink her career path as this is NOT the way to go about speaking to 7 year olds!

BananasInBloomers · 10/05/2012 21:14

Shes only human and if she is going home crying then it sounds as if the day to day behaviour is really getting to her.

Original poster
hiddenhome · 10/05/2012 21:17

ds2 is pretty reliable with his reports. He's always telling me about the goings on Hmm

I feel really nervous about speaking to the Head. On the one hand I don't like interfering, but on the other, I don't think it should get out of control Confused ds2 and two of his friends saw her crying last year, but I just told him that perhaps her granny had died or something.

I don't think she should tell the kids she's going to cry. I honestly can't see the boys being that bothered. ds2 is very sensitive and told me that he was worried about her though.

OP posts:
Noqontrol · 10/05/2012 21:17

Doesn't sound good. Sounds like she needs some support and more training in her role. Not sure what I would do really, part of me thinks I should talk to her about it first, but it would probably be more sensible to have a quiet word with the head.

blapbird · 10/05/2012 21:19

She probably isn't getting the Behaviour Support in the class room that is required now days to control the poor behaviour of some of the children, whose parent's have failed to teach them how to behave and quite likely, have low expectations of their children's behaviour/ have chip on their shoulder about authority.

I know it must be frustrating for you and horrible to think that your child isn't being lead in a confident way, but perhaps you could offer to volunteer for a morning a week so you can get insight into the actual dynamics before you judge, if she is newly qualified perhaps the Head has thrown her in at the deep end and is happy to save money on a new teacher above all else?
Just giving a different perspective.

I agree it needs to be addressed

Original poster
hiddenhome · 10/05/2012 21:19

I don't know any of the other parents very well, so can't really try to find out anything. Don't want to put my foot in it or anything.

OP posts:
ApocalypseThen · 10/05/2012 21:20

Doesn't taking it to the head make it an official complaint though? On a human level, it sounds like the last thing she needs. She's clearly struggling, and perhaps not just in school. There may be a personal situation making life intolerable. Not your son's problem I know, but is there a gentler way to make an initial approach then a complaint to her boss?

Original poster
hiddenhome · 10/05/2012 21:22

Ooo, didn't think about volunteering. Might be an idea.

OP posts:
AnyoneforTurps · 10/05/2012 21:22

Are you absolutely sure your DS has got this right and that your expectations are reasonable? You say that you have already moved him once because of a non-coping teacher and he is only in Y2.

Having said that, if this incident did happen as reported, YANBU

Original poster
hiddenhome · 10/05/2012 21:23

Don't want to make a complaint or anything. Just want to know that the Head is arranging proper support within the classroom. I know how some kids can be these days. Some of the boys are really rotten - even in Reception classes Sad

OP posts:
SodoffBaldrick · 10/05/2012 21:24

Oh dear, poor thing. I'm pretty sure that a group of relentless 7-year olds would have me reduced to tears in a daily basis, which is why I'd never teach. I'm just not up to it and take my hat off to anyone who is. My cousin teaches that age group and i just can't imagine her upbeat personality type ever letting herself get swallowed up like that.

It's difficult. I think a chat with someone is definitely in order, if only to get her the support/guidance/whatever she needs...

Original poster
hiddenhome · 10/05/2012 21:24

Oh, the last school was chaotic AnyoneforTurps. All the parents were complaining. Two children were moved - ds2 and a little girl. They weren't even teaching them to read and write.

OP posts:
ShellyBobbs · 10/05/2012 21:24

It's emotional blackmail on children. New to teaching or not, common sense would tell anyone that it is seriously wrong, where are the teaching assistants when this is happening? I bet they are out of the classroom.

I'm sure your DS is telling the truth, I've got a daughter in year 2 and would be mortified if she told me this, in fact I would be fuming!

It's really not right or correct behavior as you well know, and the only way to deal with it is to speak to the head tomorrow, you may feel nervous but it really does have to be done and I'm sure they will be grateful to you for bringing it to your attention.

Good luck.

SodoffBaldrick · 10/05/2012 21:25

Yah, I have to say, two non-coping teachers in a row is rotten luck.

blapbird · 10/05/2012 21:25

Probably the Head is trying to get away with spending as little money as possible which is the bonus of a newly qualified teacher, she may feel awkward to ask for class room support and the head exploits this, I wouldn't add an extra stress on to her shoulders, she will get there, but you catch more bees with honey.

MrTumblesCrackWhore · 10/05/2012 21:25

Jeez, the poor woman needs some support. She probably IS a very nice woman, but this is not the way to react. She probably already knows this, though. I'd be more worried if she didn't.

However, before speaking to the head, I would engineer some time with her alone to try and work out what really has been going on, and possibly insinuate you know she has done this and see what she says. If she is new to the job, possibly the worst thing for her future prospects is to damage them by speaking to a person whose opinion may overarch how s/he and others may treat her in the future - unless you are convinced the head is a very supportive, non-judgemental person.

Are you happy with her despite this? If so, try and give her the benefit of the doubt because she may grow into an excellent teacher. If not, then you have your answer.

I've managed a lot of teachers in my time and most have cried (male and female) at some stage - and most have evolved into really superb teachers.

pinguwings · 10/05/2012 21:26

So on one occasion she lost it and cried.... give her a break

Original poster
hiddenhome · 10/05/2012 21:26

I feel sorry for teachers in general because of the behaviour these days. If I was a teacher I'd probably end up by tying the little horrors up then sit in a corner rocking and tearing my hair out Shock

OP posts:
ShellyBobbs · 10/05/2012 21:28

It's not just one occasion pingu

DressDownFriday · 10/05/2012 21:28

I've recently had the same problem with dd teacher but in secondary school. She was crying in class and her time planning was off as dd had to do loads extra work after school to complete an assignment.

I spoke to dd's head of year and stressed I wasn't complaining but was concerned for her welfare.

It's no good having a word with the teacher as she may not want to admit there is a problem.

ApocalypseThen · 10/05/2012 21:28

And that's before the parents get you sacked...

Original poster
hiddenhome · 10/05/2012 21:28

I was thinking it was emotional blackmail tbh, but I doubt that would work anyway. How many 7 year old kids really care? ds1 wouldn't have bothered.

She is a good teacher and they're always given proper work to do.

OP posts:
SodoffBaldrick · 10/05/2012 21:28

'Yah' Grin ... um, I meant yeah.

Sunscorch · 10/05/2012 21:29

It's emotional blackmail on children.

I find this interesting.
I wouldn't use the word blackmail, but it is manipulating their emotions to make them realise that their actions has consequence.
As is telling a class that you're extremely disappointed in their behaviour. Or forcing a bully to confront the effects of their behaviour. Or having a class discussion about playground rules, and the results of breaking them.

Is this wrong?

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