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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

thing it rude to ask someone if they are pregnant

38 replies

McHappyPants2012 · 10/05/2012 20:59

I am losing weight, was a size 16 and now fit comfortably into a size 14 :) I have been exercising.

i am 110% sure i am not pregnant, but iabu to think it just something you dont ask people

OP posts:
kittyandthefontanelles · 10/05/2012 21:07

Congratulations on your weight loss. People do this to me a lot. Apparently its the way I stand. YANBU, its crass.

dovebird · 10/05/2012 21:08

yanbu it is a v v rude thing to ask indeed.

BonnieBumble · 10/05/2012 21:10

Yes it's very rude. Happened to me a few times.

AnyoneforTurps · 10/05/2012 21:11

Rule no. 1 of ladies with possible bumps: If you can't see the head crowning, don't ask.

StewieGriffinsMom · 10/05/2012 21:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EdithWeston · 10/05/2012 21:13

It's hard to think of a more personal/intrusive question than an enquiry into the contents of someone else's uterus. So yes, I would think it's rude.

Original poster
McHappyPants2012 · 10/05/2012 21:22

I know i have stopped drinking, gave up smoking and now eating heathy and exercising.

but i want to do this because i get depressed about my weight. I don't need people asking if i am pregnant because of these changes

OP posts:
BerryLellow · 10/05/2012 21:25

It's never appropriate to ask. It's either obvious or the person knows you well enough to tell you first.

I know how disheartening it is, when you think you're doing well.

Jodidi · 10/05/2012 23:05

I think it's rude yes. I also find it really really upsetting as I had a mc 5 weeks ago but still look pg as I am overweight and this is where i carry any extra fat. I have been asked twice in the past 3 weeks and have had real trouble stopping myself from crying at these people.

RevoltingPeasant · 10/05/2012 23:12

YANBU. I am a size 12 10 if I suck in hard and stopped drinking over this last year due to kidney problems. I really hate people asking about this. They are always embarrassed when I tell them and say they weren't trying to pry into medical issues - but that's what your supposed pregnancy would be, so why is that okay?

kittyandthefontanelles · 10/05/2012 23:12

I'm so sorry jodidi. I'll put you in my prayers

Piffpaffpoff · 10/05/2012 23:30

I can't believe anyone would ever think it appropriate to ask - even if someone is clearly pregnant, you have no idea what s going on medically and so you wait til you are told. An former boss of mine had a fairly well concealed bump which we'd all noticed and all talked about to each other but not one person mentioned it to her because she did not announce it until she was 26wks.

chunkythighs · 11/05/2012 02:30

Unless I see a crowning head or a pair of legs dangling...I keep my mouth firmly shut. Smile

If I am told that woman is 'with child' - she is always told that she looks great Grin

SodoffBaldrick · 11/05/2012 02:38

DH asked a really good friend of ours because she wasn't drinking - big group out for dinner and I wasn't there. By all accounts (namely, his) he pestered the info out of her. I tore strips off him when he relayed it all back to me, and apologised to her as soon as I saw her in person. He's never committed the faux pas again.

Given that I have had two early miscarriages, he should've known as well as anyone, you just Don't Ask.

YANBU and well done on the weight loss. :)

comedycentral · 11/05/2012 09:26

Yanbu! I get this too any time I am poorly, tired looking or not wearing make up Hmm I get asked this very question.

Nosy feckers.

Sausagedog27 · 11/05/2012 09:32

Very rude. A waitress once congratulated me as I wasn't drinking and was with 2 other pregnant friends. I'm not preggers and a size 10/12. Luckily I saw the funny side.

ahandbag · 11/05/2012 09:44

God it's just The Most Rude of all things, closely followed by "was it planned" when announcing that you are actually pregnant.

fuckbucket · 11/05/2012 09:45

Oh Jodidi I'm so sorry.

YANBU. It's the one subject you always wait for the bump-owner to bring up herself.

GeraldineHoHoHobergine · 11/05/2012 09:48

I had an obstetric surgeon ask me. I told her "in future better to wait before the colleague is in stirrups before asking perhaps?".

jumpingjackhash · 11/05/2012 09:54

YANBU - this really pisses me off.

As someone who's having fertility treatment and had an early mc last year I'm very aware of how easy it is to upset someone over thoughtless assumptions. I used to drink (social occasions, the odd glass in the evening after work, not to the point of being an alcoholic!) but gave up a year ago as part of a lifestyle change and health kick, but it immediately got friends asking if I was pg. As if it's only in those circumstances that I might not drink. Cheeky sods.

I have also previously had an acquaintance I'd not seen for a while pat my tummy and say 'ooh! what have we here then? When are you due?' - when it was just a bit of a post-Christmas belly Blush. The cow got a v quick and smart answer back - the first and only time I've had a witty retort!.

You need to prepare some quick responses to shut up people who make these stupid comments!

Frootloopz · 11/05/2012 10:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

jumpingjackhash · 11/05/2012 11:47

Frootloopz - I hope you told the receptionist to mind her own bloody business and pass that on to the others who are gossiping! Shock

EssexGurl · 11/05/2012 12:13

Ooh, you never ask! In the last couple of years 2 of my friends have become pregnant. With both I guessed quite early on and was dying to know if they were. I never said a word until they announced.

Once at work, my boss asked our administrator if she was pregnant. Cue hysterical sobbing for the rest of the day as she was, it wasn't planned, she hadn't told her boyfriend, wasn't sure if she was going to keep it. She had only been with us a month at this point and told us in interview she wasn't having children, then rocks up already pregnant. It was a dreadful pregnancy for her (and us) and not helped by the fact we knew pretty much as soon as she did so it seemed to go on forever ....

vix1980 · 11/05/2012 12:36

jumpingjackhash dying to know what was your answer for the lady who patted your stomach, i may just have to steal it.

I have always been asked this just cos i have a belly, and every single time id get really upset about it, im now 35 weeks pregnant and still find it weirdly upsetting when people (strangers) try to talk to me about it. For me i think its a private personal experience, yes i may have a bump, but someone else may have a huge spot on there nose and i wouldnt strike up a conversation about that, just as a i wouldnt say to someone have you got cancer? have you got this or that. i just think its incredibly rude and i always wait for the other person to tell me even if i do have an inkling.

i had to suffer dp's cousin last year banging on about how i should be having kids, she literally didnt stop going on about it until someone else told her to shut up, she didnt know but id had a mc 3 weeks prior to that, and i think its that which made me feel you just dont know whats going on in other peoples lives so keep the hell out until you know all the facts.

BBQJuly · 11/05/2012 13:15

Definitely rude to ask. Possibly even worse is when people just assume you are and start talking to you along these lines!

Not good particularly when someone could actually be having fertility problems or be sensitive about their weight etc.

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