Unforgiveable

[lavender11]

It is fairly unforgiveable to ask your other half whether they were violent (ie hit) your son (2 years old) on an occassion when you were out of the room, you know the other half had lost their temper and was stressed and you know the child was crying (and probably making the stress worse as children do) - but you did not see the situation.
There is a history where the other half did not bond instantly with the (now) 2 year old but he now does love the 2 year hold - however he has less patience with him.
I mad this accusation of my husband this morning. He denied it and went balistic. The reason I accused him is because I woke from a very vivid dream where about this and when it did infact happen I was not in the room. In addition communication between husband and myself is very bad - he has never (ever not even once in the whole 12 years I have know him and never whilst we have been married) apologised for anything or admitted he is wrong about anything. (Pathetically i forced my 2 year old to say "sorry to daddy" for making daddy stressed - after which I felt angry with my husband, myself and desparate for my son)
Anyway back to the point - at the end of the day I am in the wrong for having asked my husband whether he was voilent where I have no proof (and most likely he was not) - is this right

Wtf ???

You need to focus on the here and now. What happened two years ago has gone and you'll probably never get the truth anyway. Men are defensive, esp. when they've failed to cope in some way.

If your husband is acting like a spoilt child now (which it sounds like he is), then you need to address the current situation. No 2 year old should have to apologise to a parent for making them stressed either

You need to confront your husband over his behaviour as he doesn't sound like a very pleasant father.

You need to post and tell your whole story in relationships.

And if my dp had ever laid a finger on a 2 yr old,I'd give him more than stress.

Is it reasonable then to take the position that I do not make my children say sorry for things?
Sincerely i am confused about what is right. My daughter is already sensing some of the politics - (she is 3)
she sides with Daddy. I dont want there to be sides of any sort. But when he gets stressed like that I offer ("ask" him) if i should take them out. His answer on this occasion was "not necessarily". I took my son out in the buggy shortly after this occasion (daughter stayed with daddy) and husband and daughter came to find me in the car, we went to the supermarket and nothing more was said.
He regularly accuses me of taking the children off him and bad mouthing him to the children (i have never done this). However I have now "asked" him whether he was voilent towards the children and said I thought my son apologising was pathetic. Husband was extremely angry at me. What i said was v. inflammatory tho?

No stranded - I did not know what had happened, I stuffed it down inside me and did not mention it for the rest of the day - then it came up again that night in my dreams just before i woke. Yes of course that is crazy to accuse someone of something because you dreamt it. But the dream was a direct result of what had happened the previous morning. I did not address it with husband at the time because i was trying to defuse the situation

You sound like you're being bullied by your husband. If my husband treated either of my kids like this, he'd get a rocket up him. Why are you pitter pattering round him like this? Tell him to grow the hell up and stop his games. Send him to the doctor for some help with his stress as well. You all sound like you're walking on eggshells because of him.

You're his wife, not a bloody mental health worker. He needs to take some responsibility for his own reactions and stress. Presumably, he chose to get married and have kids?

So, you had a dream about your DH hitting your 2 year old and now think he actually did with no proof? On the basis of a dream, YABU.

If you genuinely believe your DH is capable of hitting your son, and you have communication issues then I think its best you sort these issues out. If he hasn't hit your son and you are basing this on a dream, then its unfair to accuse him of such an allegation. But if you have a gut instinct he has done so or possibly will do, leave. You can't allow child abuse to happen if you are able to stop it.

Psychopsilocybin if i got it wrong and he did not - ie "its unfair to accuse him" - what should i do?
Apologise to him. pls let me know what you think

I would be v upset if dh asked me if i hit ds when he witnessed nothing more than the child crying! So sorry but yabu. Why not just ask what happened without the accusation?

Look, just move on.

What's he doing now that is damaging?

Stranded pls clarify your comment
Calma pls confirm you think i should email him and apologise

Yeah, you need to email him and grovel apologise because you have been a baaaaad wife. You then need to clean the house from top to bottom and fix his favourite meal ready for when he returns home. Don't forget to bath the dcs and keep them out of his way too

wtf?

I can't tell you what you should do in your relationship but if it was me i would speak to my dh in person and explain how i was feeling

Stranded yes there was a reason for the dream.
I don't know what you mean by drip feeding. In the same situation where you had gone "BALLISTIC" - you would want him to apologise

Calma thanks
This morning as he left he locked the front door and then made it clear by gesture to me that he is extremely angry with me. On that basis explaining how i was feeling sounds good but not sure i can do that

does he normally lock the front door?

and what was his gesture?

Thank you stranded
I am not a troll

You accused your DH of hitting a child when you have no evidence that he did so and don't believe that he would? Yes, you should apologise.