Unforgiveable

[lavender11]

It is fairly unforgiveable to ask your other half whether they were violent (ie hit) your son (2 years old) on an occassion when you were out of the room, you know the other half had lost their temper and was stressed and you know the child was crying (and probably making the stress worse as children do) - but you did not see the situation.
There is a history where the other half did not bond instantly with the (now) 2 year old but he now does love the 2 year hold - however he has less patience with him.
I mad this accusation of my husband this morning. He denied it and went balistic. The reason I accused him is because I woke from a very vivid dream where about this and when it did infact happen I was not in the room. In addition communication between husband and myself is very bad - he has never (ever not even once in the whole 12 years I have know him and never whilst we have been married) apologised for anything or admitted he is wrong about anything. (Pathetically i forced my 2 year old to say "sorry to daddy" for making daddy stressed - after which I felt angry with my husband, myself and desparate for my son)
Anyway back to the point - at the end of the day I am in the wrong for having asked my husband whether he was voilent where I have no proof (and most likely he was not) - is this right

The unreasonable bit is that you seem to have accused him because you dreamt it happened. Really? You dream something you didn't see and take that as evidence? You even say most likely it didn't happen anyway, so why did you suggest it did?

I dreamt last night that my dc unlocked the door and went for a bounce on the trampoline after dark. They didn't.

DeWe I take your point and I can see that part of it is unreasonable. I am trying to work out the appropriateness of and if yes how to apologise.
I did not tell my husband I had had a dream.
Hypothetically if i had not had a dream would it still be unreasonable - i guess it seemed out of the blue because the incident was 11am on Monday and the question was at 6am this morning (it was not an accusation it was a question "Did you hit son" followed by some sarcasm from me (mainly my anger at myself) about the fact that son had apologised to husband and it was pathetic). I had pushed it down on Monday because I did not want to prolong the incident but the anxiety doubt and negative thoughts were still there, resurfacing 6am Monday.

So hypothetically if I had not had the dream but just raised it unprompted (which is how he would have seen it) is that unreasonable.

In other words it is more reasonable just to have a confrontation at the time or not have a confrontation and never to raise it ever again.

Stranded I understand from your posts that you think I am out of order.

Why does your daughter take his side?

yes yabu.You sound like a flipping fruitcake.

locked the door ?? or locked you in ??

oopsi Why do you think she sounds like a fruitcake?

plus noix qu'une merde d'écureuil

Well I dream all sorts of strange things, doesnt mean I wake up and assume they have happened or are going to happen. I also find your writing style a bit odd e.g referring to your son as "the child" so I do realise this probably hasnt helped my understanding of your posts. And syaing he locked the door is bound to provoke a reaction - but you have nopt explained this fuly - were you locked in the house for example with no means of getting out? If this is the case then it is abuse and completely unnaceptable, no matter how angry he is.

But dream or no dream you clearly have issues in your relationship if you are with someone you suspect may hit a toddler.

OP is english not your first lanugage? Your posts read as if you are using a translation site.

bruxeur Tue 08-May-12 14:24:03

plus noix qu'une merde d'écureuil

Superbe!

OP are you still there???

OP I'm worried about you and your children.
I think there is a lot going on here that you are not telling us.

Can you contact Womans Aid?
Talk things over with them. Might just help to talk things through with them.

A toddler should not be apologising to an adult for making them stressed . Seems to me that there is a BIG problem in your relationship, and it needs sorting ASAP, for your sake, and most importantly your childrens.

If you feel that there is even a possibility that your DH has been violent towards your son, of course you should address the issue. Please don't try to sweep this under the carpet. You owe it to your children to stand up to this bully, get help, and make sure they are safe.

I have never had to take our dc's out of the house for my DH........that is not normal

oopsi What a ridiculous comment. Very unhelpful of you in what seems like a serious situation for the op.

I dont even know what a flipping fruitcake sound like.

But I do know the sound of Lavenderrrrrrr

This sounds a bit like the rights and wrongs of it yesterday ???
Or am I wrong ?.

I am sorry people don't seem to be taking you seriously OP, but you might get more help if you post in Relationships.

OP, please could clarify if your partner locked you in the house, or not

and what the "gesture that signifies anger" was

has he ever hit you ?

could *you

How are you today Lavender? What's happening at home now?