There is constant chaos everytime I come home from work and I am sick of it.

[D0oinMeCleanin]

Rant alert.

I come in from work to be pounced on by two starving children asking if I have brought them home any lunch. I told them no, their dad told me he would make them some so I bought something with gravy for me which neither of them like.

DH has not made them anything. Apparently they've only 'just' started asking for lunch. It was 2pm ffs and they had breakfast at 9am.

I gave dd1 money and send her to the shop for easy food because if I start cooking them my lunch will go cold and it's the only hot meal I will get today.

She comes back with pastries. DH consficates them because he has just put something in the oven for them (at 2:10pm ) Tears ensue. He was at the shop when she was. He saw what she was buying. Why now, does he decide he will cook for them? Is it just to piss me off?

He has Sky Sports news on and is hogging dd1's netbook. They want to watch something so ask if they can watch one of the movies I've uploaded onto my phone. I give them the phone. He takes it away. Hysterics from dd1 who goes slamming upstairs. Dd2 tells him she is telling of him and comes to me.

This is why, apparently, he did not want me to get a '£500' phone (free with the contract, same contract I was on last year and the year before that and the year before that etc.)

Why has my phone and what I do with it got anything to do with him? Yeah he pays the bill but he pays it with our money, not his money our money.

Besides the fact the phone is insured and the children used my last phone for 18 months solid and never once broke it. He actaully causes me more problems with my phones by accidentally changing settings and not remembering how to change them back. At least dd1 knows how to work it, which is more than I can say for him.

They now have the phone back but my rant is still not finished....

I asked him to do one single thing during the two and a half hours I was at work. Just one thing and that was take the children's bed sheets out of the washer and put them in the dryer. Has he bothered? Has he fuck I've been up since 7am cleaning up this shithole before work while he slept off his hangover and he can't even empty the fucking washer. I have no hangover because I was working last night and will be working tonight and tommorrow night and Wednesday. i haven't had a day off since thursday and won't be off again until thursday yet I am still solely responisble for the house work

(I may be over tired and slightly over reacting)

I feel stabby.

Do you not have any food in your house?

Nothing to even make a sandwich from?
Or some pasta?

Why are you with him?

Yes. We have food. He just some in the oven rememeber but I had been at work and was looking forward to eating my lunch. Before that I hadn't eaten since yesterday morning. Dd1 is not allowed to cook alone, she is only 8. Hence why she went to the shop for cold foods. He was out when I sent her to the shop, presumably buying the stuff I asked him to buy at 11:30am.

I reckon it's time to sit down and have a good long chat with this child (not your dds, they sound fine)

I'd be booting his arse off your dd's net book and turn sky sports off for being such an arse.

Why was there no food?

How old are the Dcs? Just wondering how a child that is old enough to go to the shop alone is not old enough to make themselves food/ask for food when they are hungry.

Good rant though. Saves you screaming at them .

So you can gather them together and TELL them all in no uncertain terms how this is not going to happen again.And how they will be the next time you come home from work.

And possibly have a 'quiet chat ' with DH to tell him that as a working adult you do not need his permission to do whatever you wish with your own money and property.

Is there anything at all that he cares about that you do for him? Stop doing it. Otherwise. Leave the bastard.

We are going on holiday next week. I have organised everything. Including working around the conference I am attending the two days prior to DH and DD joining me. all he had ti d was book his train tickets. When asked why he hasn't done this (with 48 hours to go) it's because he "can't remember where we are going".

Left me speechless. for about a minute before I started tearing him apart

Seriously YANBU. Your dh sounds a little useless. This would annoy me no end. Shut yourself in a room and eat your lunch. Let him sort out the chaos.

Oh you are NBU,
Sounds like chaos hun and more like you have 3 DC instead of 2
He needs a huge kick up the arse with a in-depth conversation/explanation about when you are finished your jobs for the day (especially what your wife has specifically asked you to do) THEN it's time for sky sports and laptops. Also lunch time IS between 12 and 1
When you have a spare 10 mins sit with the kids i personally wouldn't involve him and make a list for chores "to help mum" obviously put his name down for a lot of it.
Do yourself a favour too when the kids are off school and you're working, have sandwich stuff, yogurts, fruit, handy so at a push your eldest can make them lunch.
Would he like to come home to bedlam after work?

Lovely post don.

When is the real food shop going to get done can I ask? If there wasn't anything in to eat at lunchtime and you are working tonight and through till Thursday where are the next 3 meals coming from?

Your DH sounds like he hasn't got a clue. Is it a bank holiday thing (like he's normally at work so doesn't do home routines) or is this normal.

You don't sound like your eating enough either BTW.

We have 'real food' that needs cooking. We also have cheese and bread but dd1 said she didn't want toasties or sarnies and I didn't have the energy to argue with her.

It's not a bank holiday thing. I work the same shifts on Saturdays. Saturdays are bad, but not as bad as this, lunch is normally getting dished out when I walk in. It's a hangover thing. The hangover he promised he wouldn't have.

God knows when the supermarket shop will get done, but since I work in a takeaway and get free meals I doubt we'll starve plus there's a fruit and veg shop just near the school and butchers at the end of the road. I normally just buy fresh their and do one big store cuboard shop every month for herbs, pasta, salt etc.

I'm very stressed because the house is a tip and I am working spilt shifts every single day bar Wednesdays, when I only work lunchtime and Thursdays which I have off for the foreseeable future because the other girl who works with me is in hospital.

It's hectic isn't it? been there and done it 2 of us working full time and 3 boys in the house waiting sitting on xbox after leaving my kitchen like a bomb site while making snacks until I got in from work- which usually began with my screaming like a banshee before both feet were through the bloody door. Very often there was still breakfast dishes still sitting in the sink on my return :(
2 of them were teenage and old enough to know better.
I done what I advised you to do with the rota thing- ex hubby included before he went to work - and done the more thorough stuff on my days off. Oh and the threat of sending them to a child minder if they didn't pull their weight (the 12 and 15 year old were mortified, the youngest went anyway until 1 hr before I arrived home when eldest picked him up on way home from school) also the usual stuff threatening to stop pocket money, take away xbox, phones etc... They got the message and started helping a lot more. I'll not say it was perfect but it helped.

Poor you, that sounds really tough.

Trouble is if you are out lunchtime and then every evening he's knows you'll be out of the way at some point. Therefore however much you moan he doesn't need to do anything does he.

I agree with dondon give very specific instructions and get all of them to help. Sometimes I am so grateful to be on my own. Hell is other people.

"And possibly have a 'quiet chat ' with DH to tell him that as a working adult you do not need his permission to do whatever you wish with your own money and property"

Same as a non-working adult then, dwpanxt

How old are the kids... if they are old enough to go to the shop, then are they not old enough to feed themselves if they are hungry?

God what a shambles. I feel for you OP; you should be able to trust your ADULT OH to meet your (and his!) children's most basic of needs. I suppose if you talk to him you're "nagging" (same here).

I'm a single mum. When my two teenagers were at home alone one day in the holidays I came home and the house was such a mess that I started to cry. I was so hungry and so tired and so fed up. I just said "I can't stand this. I don't want to live like this" and left the house.

I came back at bedtime, having gone to a friend's. I'd not answered any of the pleading texts or phone calls.

When I went back the house was clean and tidy and two children were waiting to apologise.

Didn't happen again.

Op are you me????
I know just how you feel. I'm coming back as a nan next time

That's a man not nan

So where was your DH when you got home? Out getting food or did he go out when you got back? Why did he not tell you he was going to get food or you not tell him that dd1 was going to get food?

All sounds very dysfunctional really

Dooin - I mean this kindly, but am i right in thinking that every time you post about a problem, the problem is always your DH? Are there any redeeming features? FWIW, you may be overtired but you're not overreacting.

Aww come on you can't accuse someone of being dysfunctional, well you can but it's not very fair. OP was probably still stressed at the time of writing so it's not explained in full, I can't write things that make sense when I'm raging :)

Sorry, I don't mean the OP is dysfunctional! Of course not! I mean her dh's attitude to family life. Sorry if I didn't make that clear, it was chaos at my house at the time

What Hassled said. I think there are lots of threads where you have asked if yabu about your dp and lots of people saying yanbu ... so ... you are going to have to do something about it.