Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave DC with DH for 5 days to go on a girly holiday?

75 replies

DeliaRose · 06/05/2012 16:25

It's one of my closets friends 'important' birthdays coming up, and the plan is to go for a girly holiday in Spain at the end of June.

I have 3 Dc, aged 6, 3 and 1.

The 6 year old has been having some anxiety issues of late, including nightmares about me 'going away'. He's recently got much better, and more like his normal self.

The 3 year old can be difficult at times, and we have had a strained relationship, he's very much a Daddy's boy, I worry that if I'm away for 5 days this will push us further apart.

The 1 year old - this is the biggy- is still BF, and co-sleeping. I had intended to let him self wean. I win't be able to do this if I go away. I'm the only one that can comfort him at night (up 12 times a night, sometimes).

DH is more than happy for me to go.

My friend will be upset if I don't - and it may even damage our friendship.

I don't want to go, I want to go for my friend, and I'm sure 5 days in the sun will be great, but I don't want to leave my kids. I don't think they (my friend and other friends) will understand, none of them have Dc's.

Also I'm not sure if I can bear the guilt of spending £500 and us not having a family holiday thIs year. Sad

AIB a wet lettuce?!

OP posts:
diddl · 06/05/2012 16:51

I think it´s simple tbh-do you want to go?

If not, don´t!

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 06/05/2012 16:51

I think, if it were not for the money, you should go and enjoy yourself. Time that one year old was in his own bed though.

WhataMistakeaToMakea · 06/05/2012 16:51

It's supposed to be a birthday and fun, if you're this stressed just making the decision are you really going to enjoy it when you're there?

Original poster
DeliaRose · 06/05/2012 16:55

Amothersplaceisinthewrong- why should he?

OP posts:
Heavensmells · 06/05/2012 16:57

I think that if you really want to go then go.

But I don't think that you want to do you? That's what it really comes to. As others have said she is not that good a person if she would let this damage your friendship and look at it the other way, if you went and hated would the resentment from you make you feel different towards her?

difficultpickle · 06/05/2012 16:58

You have to be honest, acknowledge the support you've been given by your friend but say that on this occasion you can't come. Even if you can resolve the child issues you have I wouldn't want to be the one to deprive them of a family holiday this year. Mind you I'm a wimp. We didn't go on our usual skiing holiday this year and are having five days away somewhere cheap in the summer so I can afford to get a new car. It will benefit both of us but ds (7) still has a moan about it and I feel guilty.

Waswondering · 06/05/2012 16:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

madmouse · 06/05/2012 17:03

If me going away on my own meant no family holiday that year then I would expect my friend to understand that to be honest.

If your 1 year old still needs to be settled by boob 12 times a night now then there is little chance of that stopping before you go either. Your lo will survive but won't understand and get upset.

I'm glad that your dh is setting you free to go. Unfortunately only you can decide whether to go.

Original poster
DeliaRose · 06/05/2012 17:04

I've tried to reduce times, but no viable flight options, plus I would still need to wean Ds3.

I think this is the one that I feel is stopping me. I felt pressured to stop breastfeeding/co-sleeping with the other 2, and I didn't want that this time.

He's been so upset at me offering milk instead of boob so far I just can't see it being a pleasant experience

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 06/05/2012 17:05

I'm glad that your dh is setting you free to go

I had a mental image of a Budgie flying out of the living room window after reading that Grin

Original poster
DeliaRose · 06/05/2012 17:07

If anything he's putting pressure on me to go.., I'd rather it that way than the other way though, I suppose!

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 06/05/2012 17:08

I think you're making a bit of a meal of the whole thing really.

If you don't want to go then don't go.

It really is that simple no matter how much you wring your hands over it.

If you and your kids aren't happy then what's the point?

Jinsei · 06/05/2012 17:09

Time that one year old was in his own bed though.

Er, I think that's for his parents to decide. Hmm

TheSecondComing · 06/05/2012 17:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

diddl · 06/05/2012 17:14

"If you don't want to go then don't go.

It really is that simple"

I agree.

She´s not doing you a great big favour-she´s asking you to pay to go to Spain with her!

Original poster
DeliaRose · 06/05/2012 17:14

Because I will be really letting down my best friend Worra.

I'm worried that my reasons aren't reason enough and I'm being a wet lettuce that needs to man up

OP posts:
diddl · 06/05/2012 17:20

"Because I will be really letting down my best friend"

Really??

How?

Because you can´t do what she wants for her birthday this time?

Almostfifty · 06/05/2012 17:26

You're not letting your best friend down, she's going with other people. You're doing what's best for you and your family.

If the wants of a grown-up are more pressing than that of children, there's something wrong somewhere.

Almostfifty · 06/05/2012 17:27

'more pressing than the needs of children' that should say.

madmouse · 06/05/2012 17:29

diddl is right

If this is letting your best friend down then it doesn't say much for your friendship.

cheeseandpineapple · 06/05/2012 17:30

You are being a wet lettuce! Loads of good suggestions here, just pick one!

If money really is an issue, then would say save the £500 for family holiday and buy her a really lovely gift in lieu. She may not fully understand at the moment but she won't hold it against you for too long if you say that your whole family will miss out on a holiday if you go away for that long and if she does hold it against you, then as others say, query your friendship..

Is it def about the money? Sounds like you are doing everything to talk yourself out of it. Money aside, I'd go, life's too short and on the few times I've been away from my kids, it's been totally invigorating and good for kids to bond with their dad. You'll be appreciated even more when you're back.

If you're up upto 12 times a night, you must be shattered, can't be good for you or your one year old or even your husband, I think cold turkey good for both of you, I'm with your husband on this, go!!

But if you're not going then stop fretting, book a family holiday, tell your friend you'll celebrate with her in a different way so she has both a holiday with her other friends and something with you to look forward to and start weaning your one year old so you can enjoy your family holiday!

I do sympathise even if it might not sound it but I think you must be worn out and sometimes it's hard to see what's what from the inside.

Be good to yourself!

steben · 06/05/2012 17:31

I actually think you want to go but just feel really guilty about it. They will be fine and you would have a great time with your friends and probably REALLY enjoy some 'me' time. Can you make sure you have loads organised for them when you are away, freeze meals etc...and go away and enjoy yourself. This wll give you the encouragement you need to wean.

The only thing that would stop me would be that it was at the expense of a family holiday for everyone.

diddl · 06/05/2012 17:32

Well I don´t understand this.

It sounds to me as if you don´t really want to go, but feel you have to because you can´t find a reason that´s acceptable to her.

McKayz · 06/05/2012 17:32

amothers where does the OP ask where her 1 year old should be sleeping?

I wouldn't go mainly because you don't want to go. If you wean earlier than you want you'll probably spend the week feeling down about it.

igggi · 06/05/2012 17:35

Unless she is turning 100, I don't see how any birthday can be important enough to demand others spend 5 days and £500 for it!
I had a weekend away for my 40th, quite local and kids and pets could come to - and I checked everyone could come/wanted to come prior to making the arrangement.