To not want to go to pils for lunch?

[startwig1982]

Just to clarify, this isn't a pil bashing thread as they are lovely! We go there for lunch every blooming Sunday as they're only 20 mins away. Today we're going to a christening with lunch after, so I told DH to phone mil and tell her we're not going for lunch. Now she's upset and DH is upset and asked me if I'm avoiding pils!! ffs
it's just one sodding Sunday!! Please tell me ianbu

Sounds like the whole family is hard of thinking. MIL quite right to be miffed at lack of notice though.

"They're both sensitive souls I guess."

Not your problem/fault if they see you going to a Christening as abandonment!

So, you go to the IL's every Sunday for lunch. On other days of the week you are sometimes invited for meals on the spur of the moment.

Last week it came up in conversation that you were going to a Christening this Sunday, but it may or may not have occurred to MIL that this meant you wouldn't be there for lunch.

Despite the fact you have seen them several times this week, at no point was the subject of the Christening raised again.

Your DH whose parents these are, has not seen fit to clarify the situation with them, but for some reason it's entirely your fault that this communication breakdown has occurred?

YANBU

Beautifully summed up ruby!

Feel free Imnot that's what I did

OP YANBU

On a serious note startwig - you may have made a rod for your own back with always being available to go visiting them on a Sunday.
It will now be "the norm" and I say that as someone who did this too - I was so determined to keep visits fair and even between my folks and DH's folks that we ended up doing too much visiting them at weekends in the early days.
So we gradually altered it so that we sometimes went on trips etc. and visited at other times instead.
That way the DCs got taken places and had days out etc. with us, as a family.

Your husband HAS to come here and explain himself to us, it's what we all want

Great summary by RubyGates

Agree also with Salmotrutta. As the kids get older you're going to want to do more family trips with them and every Sunday being booked out will become a pita. Who wants drama, from your dp or inlaws, every time you want to do something different? One day, in years to come, the kids will be sleeping in late and you may fancy a lazy PJ morning, followed by a trip to the cinema.

I'd start engineering the odd Sunday when you can't go, tell them in advance tho ;) I sounds like they have lots of time with you all anyway.

My inlaws live a 10 min drive away, they're great but I see them once a month.

startwig you need to man up. You have a family now and Sunday is family day. I am not suggesting you stop seeing PIL altogether etc as that is so lovely to have a close family but really you need to break free

Inlaws (ie grandparents) are family too you know..

OP doesnt say anything about not enjoying going to see them once a week...

It's lovely to have a good relationship with pils but you might want to start putting a little bit of distance there before you end up living in each other's pockets.
Not seeing them for one lunch is hardly something for anyone to get upset about.

I did not mean they are not family hence" I am not suggesting you stop seeing PIL altogether etc as that is so lovely to have a close family but really you need to break free" I was just suggesting that the htree of them can have some lovely days together minus lunch at in laws. She does not say anything about not enjoying but I get the impression that the statement "That would upset everyone!! I don't think pils would say anything but I think if we stopped going then they'd be quite hurt. I don't really mind going every week but just want to be able to do something else once in a while without feeling guilty." Shows that perhaps she would like a "day off" !