To be annoyed with a neighbour who says my dd's alleged stomping in the morning is making her sick?

[pranged]

A new neighbour moved in to a downstairs flat about two weeks ago. Four days in she comes upstairs to say she can hear noises in the morning. I said ok we will try to keep it down. Then we got a letter from the building management saying her landlady has complained. Her email was a list of "transgressions" the tenant started taking 48 hours after moving in! We have since ordered carpets and underlay and are waiting delivery. This evening we got another visit from the tenant who says she is sleep deprived because our dd wakes her up! She is now very sick and dizzy and suggested we 'disciplined' or 'incentivise' our dd to not wake up early. AIBU to now completely lose it? Help. What do I do?
P.s. we have beautiful parquet floor ..... That we are in the process of covering up and we don't wear shoes in the flat.

I found the old email response I had back if it helps:

The sound insulation between the two flats is what tends to reduce the audibility of these noises. the quality of sound insulation would depend on the age of the flat. Also if houses are converted into ground and first floor flats this would then require increased sound insulation works (in accordance to the building regulations).

Pollution control investigate complaints of noise nuisance however we can not take action where the nature of the disturbance is associated with reasonable use of someone's property and especially when general living causes the noise. We can not dictate how your tenants move around the flat and we can not make them wear slippers to reduce the noise. I would think it would be a little extreme for you as a landlord to request this especially if your tenants behaviour to date has not caused any complaint.

Carpet with a good quality underlay will provide some reduction to the impact noise buts the flat is carpeted throughout already there is not a great deal more that I can recommend apart from additional sound insulation works to the party floor, however this would need to be done between both yourself and the lady in the flat below.

OP, before doing anything, you ought to have asked to come into her flat and hear the noise level for yourself. Then you would have known if her complaints were reasonable or not.

I think you are being very good to get carpet laid, if you are under no obligation to do so wrt the lease. Your neighbour should appreciate how lucky she is to have a considerate neighbour and not a stroppy cow, like me and quit while she is ahead. 'Discipline' your child indeed - that would have got a big fuck off from me!

I most definitely wouldn't try to alter your child's behaviour - waking up at 6.30 is entirely reasonable. This is your child's home and she is entitled to live in it and not tiptoe and whisper for the neighbour's convenience.

I take the view that someone who is ultra sensitive to noise is stupid to move to a flat where people live above them. Not your fault she didn't think it through - she cannot expect your family to change everything you do because of her.

I can confirm that I've never seen a living room with carpet in France - carpet is considered extremely unhygenic here. And yes, many more people than in the UK live in flats and the sound insulation in often poor...

I asked also about the sound proofing and this was the response:

As far as additional sound insulation works are required this would require an initial survey of the floor, along with a sound insulation test undertaken by an acoustic consultant in order to obtain the current rating of the insulation. This can be a very expensive process and something you would not need to do unless you choose to.

What does she suggest you do - strap DD to the bed until it's convenient to her? If you are sure she is not being unreasonably noisy then I would give your neighbour a few days of hell to get things into perspective....

I feel very sorry for you OP we tiptoe around our terraced house as our lovely neighbour who has two grown up children of our own complain at us all the time. I have compared my two DDs to other DCs and they are not any noisier than anyone else's. They cannot cuddle with us in bed or stay in their rooms and play, we have to take them downstairs. I hate it. They get up at about 7. The neighbour has also complained about their playing in the garden at 6pm.

Hope your carpets resolve this as these types of thing are just awful.

I wold be sorely tempted to pop down and complain whenever I hear a noise from her flat.

I think it probably is very noisy for her, and will be better once the carpet arrives. Does she know it's coming? If you don't believe her, go down and have a listen yourself when DH/DD are in one evening. I lived in a flat once that was terrible for this - the people who lived there weren't noisy, I could just hear EVERYTHING.

She will have to suck up the 6.30 am on weekdays though!

I wish my upstairs neighbours would get carpets, or even a rug would be good.

They let their 3year old twins run laps around the house and jump off all the furniture.

I get up at 5:30 and if they can hear my alarm thru their floor, i couldnt care less. Them slamming their garage door, and letting the twins scream at each other, makes me go insane.

I generally scream "ENOUGH" when the running laps has gone on longer than 10 minutes, because that would be annoying to watch let alone listen too.

Dottymcdot - that is awful. You know that these people arent the boss of you dont you? They dont have the right to whine at you living a normal life. Your neighbours sound nasty. They have got into the habit of bullying you.

What would happen if you ignored their complaints and said 'We are living a normal life, we will not stop our DCs playing in their bedrooms/garden/our room'?

Dotty -- what is the worst thing they could do apart from complaining?

Live your life. Don't stop your children from living theirs.

You don't 'have to' do anything just because someone complains unreasonably.

You should tell them you are sorry they have a problem, hope they have a nice day, and carry on as before. Every time they complain, you could wait about an hour and then go in and complain to them (about something you make up, or better yet complain about the disturbance to your life that their visit or complaint has been)

I suggested the neighbour go to bef half an hour earlier, and it was a slightly tongue in cheek suggestion in response to the neighbour's suggestion for the op to "discipline and incentivise" her dd to not WALK in her own home which is frankly far more ridiculous.

YANBU, you have been very accommodating in buying the carpet. If you live in a flat you need to accept a certain level of noise other than your own!

When my DS was 2 we lived in a flat where the neighbours on one side only stayed there twice a year. On one of these occasions my toddler was I'll crying with pain, I was right next to him, the neighbour kept on banging on the wall, makings turning my toddler even more. My DP went around and asked why are you banging. The neighbour replied because you're neglecting your child. DP proceeded to explain but the wife insisted she never had a child of hers (30 years prior) cry in that way if we were with him. It was a one bedroom flat so we were definitely with him!

Our regular neighbours didn't complain about us once, in fact the lady below provided my DS with toys. I had been told by the caretaker that they didn't think children should live in flats. Seen as this was their 3rd home (by the sea) I did feel slightly aggrieved!

This sort of situation always reminds me of when I was young and lived in an upstairs flat. The woman who lived in the flat below was always complaining about me jumping on the floor and generally making too much noise. This went on for months, and she eventually got environmental health in.
Then she shut up.
The thing is, this lady was unwell and stressed as well, so she was over-reacting to any noise. The noise levels were shown to be normal and she had to accept that that was what happens when you live in a downstairs flat.

Again, thanks for the helpful comments. I am quite aware we don't walk about like ballerinas so I am sure there is some noise. I don't dispute that. The tenant and her landlady have been reassured and told we have order the rugs and underlay and waiting for them to arrive. My DD has been asked, told and instructed to try and be quiet so frequently in the meatime she is getting affected herself.But I now do live in dread for another rap on the door and have spent most of the bank holiday so far outside my own flat. I do think I have done my best so far. Will be nice to the tenant and grin and smile and bear it.

Pranged please dont alter your behaviour (unless of course you have been unusually heavy footed!). By changing your behaviour you are legitimising your neighbour's complaints. This means that she will feel justified in demanding you make special effort all the time. She will then find further cause for complaint. IME unreasonable complainers dont stop, she will start complaining about something else (bins, parking, communal space).

I agree - I have a sneaky suspicion that, unfortunately, the rugs will only solve one of her problems.

Gnome and Soupdragon- unfortunately I agree with you. We'll do,what we can to address this specific problem, wish her well and hope she moves on.

My problem only stopped when i put my foot down I emailed her and said what the council had said. Before that I was being very nice and she did move on to bins etc. I said she was now becoming unreasonable and I didn't want to hear from her unless she had a genuine complaint and I never did.

I agree about not altering your lifestyle.
She really is bu. Again she is the one who has moved into a ground floor flat. Does she have adjoining neighbours?
If so can you have a word with them and ask if she has complained about them too?

You are doing a great disservice to your child, if you make her worry about doing normal things that children do. Your priority should be your child's welfare, not appeasing the complaints of your neighbour, Unless your dd is jumping up and down on the floor while wearing your stilettos or repeatedly banging on the floor with wooden blocks then she is not making an excessive amount of noise and she should be allowed to walk around and play, like children do.

Fine to get carpet to minimise noise, not fine to make your child nervous of going about her normal business. You ought to stick up for yourself and your child's right to live a normal life.

We live in a very selfish "me and mine" society both those who think they can make as much noise as they like and those who complain about it. How about some courtesy and good manners where has it all gone wrong.

Some threads never die....

I was thinking something really astonishing had happened since last May.

AAARRRGGGHHH!!!!!

Thought that there might have been an update from the OP.

I really sympathsise we have the same problem - neighbours who see nothing wrong with their behaviour so disrespectful!!