To be annoyed with a neighbour who says my dd's alleged stomping in the morning is making her sick?

[pranged]

A new neighbour moved in to a downstairs flat about two weeks ago. Four days in she comes upstairs to say she can hear noises in the morning. I said ok we will try to keep it down. Then we got a letter from the building management saying her landlady has complained. Her email was a list of "transgressions" the tenant started taking 48 hours after moving in! We have since ordered carpets and underlay and are waiting delivery. This evening we got another visit from the tenant who says she is sleep deprived because our dd wakes her up! She is now very sick and dizzy and suggested we 'disciplined' or 'incentivise' our dd to not wake up early. AIBU to now completely lose it? Help. What do I do?
P.s. we have beautiful parquet floor ..... That we are in the process of covering up and we don't wear shoes in the flat.

Little lazybones: Pantomine burglar ..... Totally LOL. I get started on that costume later today! I think we already have a stripey top.

Diddl: I take that was part of everyday noise and thought that was what came with living in a flat in London.

Acoustic insulation flooring panels would be far more effective than carpeting.

But I would expect the building owner to meet the cost.

I get in from work at 1am sometimes - would your neighbour expect me to sleep in car until 7am?

6.30 is the middle of the night !!!

YANBU, your neighbour sounds like a complete PITA and you have been more than accomodating by sorting out carpets. As others have said she doesn't have a right to silence and if living below a family with a child who wakes early is such a problem she can always move, being in a flat or a terraced house means you will hear some everyday noise from neighbours, it's pretty unavoidable.

"Diddl: I take that was part of everyday noise and thought that was what came with living in a flat in London."

Perhaps this is her first time in a flat & her expectations are unrealistic?

If wooden or laminate flooring has those extra sound proofing layers dies that help?

Iwantsummer: the floors are a 1930s period feature. Replacing it with other wooden flooring would reduce the value. I'm sticking with bouncey-castle grade underlay for massive massive rugs.

I've moved my family out of a noisy flat before, as the tenant above was a nice bloke, but had a loud hifi and TV, with speakers on the floor, had regular enthusiastic and very prolonged thrusting-type sex in a squeaky bed, ran his washing machine in the middle of the night to benefit from economy 7 electricity, meaning we were woken up by spin cycles at 3am, and other things. He thought we were super fussy.

It's hard to tolerate each other in flats.

I actually think you're in the right, but you have to get on with people, so compromise is needed. The carpets are a good idea. You could go further and lay special carpet underplay with a sound insulating membrane incorporated within it. PigletJohn on MN knows all about this stuff, if you'd like to know more.

I do think 6.30 is a bit early tbh, and I wonder if you could push that on to 7am or later by putting her to bed 10 minutes later each night until her body clock has shifted? (If that fits with morning schedules, of course).

However the key to this has to be communication. Obviously your neighbour doesn't get the whole children thing, so you are going to have to get her up to your flat socially, so she sees the people behind the noise.

Best of luck.

The one thing that this thread has highlighted is that people really just don't get disability.

It took nearly a page of rubbish before Leece pointed out that the downstairs tenant may have need ground floor accomodation to suit her 'illness', which posters even ridiculously questioned.

As for the 'tell her to move into a bungalow' posts, i'm sure that she, as any other person who needed one level accomodation, would jump at the chance, if they could that is.

Kids can be very noisy stomping around and it's difficult to say if neighbour is being unreasonable or not without experiencing the noise. Just because previous neighbours didn't complain doesn't mean there isn't excessive noise. Having said that yes, you do have to expect some noise if living below someone. Carpets are probably a good idea.

Boffin, the OP putting her DD to bed later might make no difference. DS2 wakes up between 6 and 6:30 every morning without fail. He didn't fall asleep until 11pm last night but was awake at 6am this morning full of energy.

I think some people have to realise if you live in flats you are going to hear noise from the people above you. No matter how hard they try to be quiet.

I like to think I do 'get' disability ate some level. I am responding. It just takes time for the things I ordered and paid for - and of course I want to make sure i get the right materials that work - to arrive. Meantime we've taken to re arranging whatever rugs we have to cover the areas my DD uses most. It's an odd steppingstone system we've asked her to try and 'play' on.

OP- that wasn't to you, but those that responded by saying "why did she move into a groundfloor flat".

All you can do is build up a relationship with the downstairs neighbour. It may quell some of her worries. Some of it may be a response to the stress of a previous neighbour, unsuitable housing, or the move. Without knowing the woman's condition it is difficult to see it from her side.

All you can do is meet in the middle.

I am a bit shocked at whoever suggested the neighbour go to bed earlier - why should she? It's not her kid!
Having said that, op I think you are being v accommodating to your neighbour so try not to worry.
6.30 is def the middle of the night! [Grin]

I am a bit shocked at whoever suggested the neighbour go to bed earlier - why should she? It's not her kid!
Having said that, op I think you are being v accommodating to your neighbour so try not to worry.
6.30 is def the middle of the night! [Grin]

If she is very sensitive to noise (and it definitely sounds as though she is) then she should not have moved into a flat with people living above. She sounds a bit neurotic to me if she's already complaining after having not even lived there a week. And your previous neighbours didn't complain. What would she do with really noise people loud music and so on. But I have heard those wooden floors can echo a lot of noise. So hopefully if you are having carpets that will really help.

good helpful post Longtalljosie

"I'm amazed at the fabulous 'rights' people have! I worked in noise pollution for eight years, and I've never hard of any of these laws or rights! We had no end of trouble with wooden floors in upper flats, but we couldn't force people to put carpets down."

I live in an ex council leasehold flat, and I'm pretty sure that wooden floors are prohibited under the terms of the lease. My documentation is in the loft though so I can't double check. If that's the case then it wouldn't be against the law and EH could not enforce the clause, but the council could. Presumably the same clauses could exist in private leasehold contracts.

OP, I think you've done everything you can by preparing to put carpets down and asking your daughter to be quiet. I hope the problem goes away after that but if it doesn't and she keeps complaining then there's not much either of you can do really. Part of the deal of living in flats is that you need a higher level of tolerance about what other people do. If you new neighbour doesn't have this then my advice is to try not to get drawn in after your initial reasonableness.

Earplugs are WAY cheaper than new carpets

Check the law pranged, if it's different to houses. I have a house and my neighbour is a nightmare. She confronts me on the doorstep as I leave for work because she is "sick to death of...." what ever this time. She has complained about my bins being to full, DSs (youngest and loudest is15mo) waking her up at 5.30(!), my car being parked out the front over the grass area (half my front is a drive as is hers but the other half is grass, the 2 grass areas meet) my husband is parked on the drive. I used to mow all the grass as it was easy to do until she complained I cut it too short! I eventually reported her to the police for harassment. Good luck pranged and try to let in go in one ear and out the other just find out where you stand legally xx

I think the fact she was complaining after 48 hrs may actually be a good sign. We live next door to a rented house and new tenants generally don't realise how much noise we can hear from them (and all families make different noise). For the first week or two it is annoying then you filter it out and stop noticing. Maybe your new neighbour is the same, she wasn't prepared for the noise from upstairs but will soften in time.

She handled it badly, but I'd be sympathetic since she is ill and especially if she has an illness which sleep deprivation exacerbates. I have epilepsy and although the teenager next door rarely has parties, when she does I really have to grit my teeth and remember she isn't personally trying to ensure I have a seizure the following day because she knows nothing about it! If she had been through the stress of the move, plus sleep deprivation and has something like MS she might feel a bit like you did with a newborn. It sounds like you are dealing with it in a really considerate way and she may mellow in time.

Have you ever been in a downstairs flat when the floor above is wood or laminate? Most landlords now ban wooden / laminate floors.

Ask daughter to walk around, go see your neighbour and go into the flat and listen. It will be much louder in her flat than in yours.