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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To leave a 16 yr old alone for weekend?

67 replies

mosschops30 · 05/05/2012 14:21

Next weekend we are going to my mums to help her move house.
Dd doesnt want to come because she starts her GCSEs on the monday after. She doesnt want the upheaval of taking her revision with her to absolute chaos and no peace, which s fair enough.

Shes very sensible, i trust her 100%.

we will be 3 hours away by car, but our neighbours will keep an eye on her and things and her godmother is just round the corner.

Would you?

OP posts:

Bletchley · 05/05/2012 14:53

Actually, the weekend before GCSEs I would want to be at home with her to support her, regardless of trust issues. These are her first big set of public exams, what if she gets panicky or needs a bit of a chat?

EatsBrainsAndLeaves · 05/05/2012 14:55

I was left at 16 for a week alone and was totally fine. But I was very sensible and knew not to let anyone but good friends know this. I still went to school, did homework, etc.

ilovesooty · 05/05/2012 14:59

I don't buy the idea that you ought to be there because the GCSEs start on Monday - she'll have done modular exams, controlled assessments and coursework prior to them anyway. If she's sensible I'd leave her to it, if it's what she wants. It's not as if you're at the other side of the world, uncontactable, and she doesn't have support nearby.

HaleAndPacemaker · 05/05/2012 15:06

I also had a week alone at this age and was absolutely fine. I was left with a stocked fridge/freezer, cash and phone numbers.

I was a sensible teen. I made up for it in my early 20's

HaleAndPacemaker · 05/05/2012 15:07

Also, to put it into perspective the rest of my family were abroad rather than 3hrs away by car. No godparents nearby. She'll be fine IMO.

marriedinwhite · 05/05/2012 15:45

In 1976 my mother and step-father went away for the weekend for a family wedding. I was in the middle of my O'Levels yes that long ago and didn't want to go so I stayed at home and revised. All was well.

In 2011 our ds was doing his gcse's. He is a responsible boy but very alpha and popular as well as being conscientious. I would not have left him on his own to do the same thing because two friends would have grown to three friends and to ............... He wouldn't have meant it but I wouldn't have risked it. A year later he has now seen a few things go wrong and I reckon by the time he's doing his IB next year then I would leave him.

DD's younger but much quieter and I probably would trust her at 16.

Debeez · 05/05/2012 15:51

I was the kid that couldn't be left alone at 16 :o

I was good friends with the nice girl up the road from school who's parents did trust her to be left alone. It's not just about your daughter, look at her social circle too. We didn't trash the house, but we caused merry havoc in the meantime.

TwllBach · 05/05/2012 16:00

I was left alone when I was 16 for a week and it was brilliant. I was a very very good, trustworthy girl.

I organised a party. The cat left home. People were shagging in all the beds. The upstairs toilet was broken and the downstairs one was covered in sick. I had no concept of housework back then, so when my mum came home, she found sick still in the downstairs toilet, vodka bottles hidden in her wardrobe, chewing gum in the fish bowl, a washing line repaired with selotape and a traumatised cat. Not to mention notes from a number of different party guests saying what a 'sick all nighter' it was and complaints from the entire estate neighbours.

I denied it for as long as I could

What was even worse is that I didn't even enjoy the party because while I was doing bad things with a boy the fire alarm kept going off and I kept hearing things breaking

That was just me though...

julieann42 · 05/05/2012 16:17

I left my daughter alone at 16, no problems at all. She got bored so cooked a three course dinner for our return! I trust her and knew the neighbours would help if she encountered any problems!

HandMadeTail · 05/05/2012 16:23

I'm sure she'll be fine, but surely she needs you this weekend just as much as your DM does. Could you come home a bit earlier?

wfrances · 05/05/2012 16:24

personally i wouldnt.
not because i dont trust my daughter,but if anything happened to her i would never forgive my self.
i would just have visions of her having a massive asthma attack,the hoodlums in the halfway house next door breaking in ect ....

pinkpyjamas · 05/05/2012 16:27

Yes, I'd be happy to leave either of my two at that age.
I'd prob make sure I was back mid-morning on Sunday though, to make sure she was settled and organised for her exams on Monday.

cory · 05/05/2012 16:31

At the same age, my parents were happy for me to stay in a foreign hotel over Bank Holiday weekend, when they were not even in the country.

They were right to do so, because their judgment of my reliability was correct: I did feel in honour bound to stick to the deal we had made.

As for not forgiving me if anything happened, I was only marginally less capable of dealing with emergencies at 16 than at 18- by which time I was living on my own and attending university in a far off city. Surely they would have suffered just as much if anything had happened to me then, but they had to let go. Whether they did it before that age was a matter of risk assessment.

Some people will be about as grown-up at 16 as they will ever be. Others won't. Only you can have a reasonable chance of making an assessment of your dd.

NonAstemia · 05/05/2012 17:07

To the posters who wouldn't leave their 16 year old in case they got scared/ill/etc, are you not concerned that they won't be able to cope when they move out in the next year or so? into somewhere that is their own responsibility when their mates come round and trash it

dementedma · 05/05/2012 17:18

yes I would and have with mine. As long as they have an emergency contact nearby and know how to open a tin of beans, they are fine.
last year DD worked at the local stables while the family who owned it were away. She was in sole charge of the farmhouse, the fields and paddocks and about 30 horses. I was actually worried about that in case she got injured in one of the fields and couldn't get help but she was absolutely fine. We dropped in now and again with food, and she had all the emergency contacts. She ran the place single handedly for two weeks at only 17!. it's amazing what they can do when you give them space to try.

cory · 05/05/2012 17:18

Next year or so- most likely it will be 2 or 3 years, NonAstemia. Some people do mature between the ages of 16 and 19. It's all about knowing your own teen.

NonAstemia · 05/05/2012 17:27

Yes cory I agree with you completely - a huge amount of maturation goes on during those years and every child/person is different.

goingmadinthecountry · 05/05/2012 17:40

I've done it a couple of times - even went abroad -and everything was fine (ish) BUT certainly wouldn't leave dcs alone the weekend before GCSEs. I have one doing A levels and one doing GCSEs this year, and they need lots of support even if they don't realise. Cups of tea, snacks etc.

I'd say sorry to parents and focus on my dcs at this particular time - as a teacher and as a mother of 4 that is definitely my priority and events have been organised around exams for a while now.

Cabrinha · 05/05/2012 17:52

Another one in there own flat at 16 and wondering why you even need to ask?!

Yellowtip · 05/05/2012 17:56

I wouldn't leave them alone either if poss goingmad but I'm intending to leave DS1 (doing A Levels) in charge of DS2, DS3 (starting GCSEs on Monday) and DS4 next w/e so that I can sprint to DD1 overnight because it's her birthday and she's about to start Finals. Sometimes the options are just complicated.

alistron1 · 05/05/2012 18:06

My daughters gcse's started last week and tbh she's so in the zone what with mocks etc that she's not needed support. I'd trust her OP.

ragged · 05/05/2012 18:09

I have friends who 6 yrs ago would leave their 16yo alone for 4-5 weeks at a time. Some relatives 10 miles away.

exoticfruits · 05/05/2012 18:10

Yes- she is old enough to be married or join the army. You trust her, the exams are important and she has back up.

pippop1 · 05/05/2012 18:38

Sorry but I wouldn't dream of it. Mostly because of the exams coming up. I've known children who've seemed fine but a day or two before have had a major panic and needed support. Also the making of food and drinks to keep them going is important.

Could the godmother come and stay over?

exoticfruits · 05/05/2012 18:43

I should think that making her spend a weekend of chaos would cause panic. She is 16 years old- she can cook and make drinks! Just stock up the house.

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