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Original poster

IVF for the fertile yet 'geriatric'

61 replies

WinkyWinkola · 05/05/2012 09:59

I have a friend with 3 kids all over 10. She's now 43 years old. She and her dh want more children but they are so worried about any genetic issues due to their age - he's 43 too.

We were discussing this the other day and she said she was thinking about doing IVF to make sure any future dcs didn't have any genetic issues. She and her dh would pay to have this not being short of a bob or two.

I was Shock but then I started to reconsider. Is it morally suspect to do such a thing? I mean, as people they are fit, healthy, pretty wealthy, happily married etc. She said that she would keep it a secret though so that people wouldn't be offended and it was nobody's business but hers and her dh's anyway.

I kept my trap shut and didn't really vocalise a judgement to my friend but sometimes I feel like I don't know what is right or not anymore!

OP posts:
Lambzig · 05/05/2012 10:04

Not sure why you think its morally suspect, unless you think IVF or them having another baby is morally suspect.

Lots of people who have a couple of failed IVF have PGD recommended to them to help select the best embryos. All IVF chooses the best embryos.

Lots of clinics wont do IVF for anyone over 42 as there are very very few if any cases of it working. Egg donation is obviously different.

Birdsgottafly · 05/05/2012 10:07

Given her particular circumstances, i would say that it it their business.

Because she is still young enough to be fertile and could conceive naturally.

It is for everyone to decide their own ethics but unless there is very good support, younger siblings/relatives, i personally don't think that couples should try for a baby after about 60 years old, that applies to the father or mother.

Because of my line of work, i like to see parents who are able to parent having children.

Original poster
WinkyWinkola · 05/05/2012 10:11

I didn't say I thought it was morally suspect. I was wondering if it was for a fertile couple to undergo such a procedure.

OP posts:
NoMoreWasabi · 05/05/2012 10:12

Which bit is morally suspect to you?

AfricanExport · 05/05/2012 10:15

I'm sorry, hoping I have misunderstood this BUT ..... Confused

did you just refer to a 43 year old as 'geriatric'

echt · 05/05/2012 10:18

Morally suspect? They've got 3 children on an overcrowded planet. Time to stop, I think.

Original poster
WinkyWinkola · 05/05/2012 10:19

I used the term 'geriatric' because that is what the medical profession calls older mothers.

I haven't judged it as morally suspect at all. I was taken aback and was querying the morality of undergoing such a procedure - it's not easy or straightforward - when they are fertile already. I think I had always assumed IVF was for only those who were having trouble conceiving.

And I guess some might question the throwing away of unused but healthy zygotes or whatever they are called at the 8 cell stage.

OP posts:
FullBeam · 05/05/2012 10:20

How do you know they are fertile?

diddl · 05/05/2012 10:23

So she would want their embryos screened & then implanted?

Don´t think it´s suspect tbh, but how "easy" would it be?

In terms of the rollercoaster that is IVF-would her chances of "natural" conception be greater?

YouOldSlag · 05/05/2012 10:33

Hmm. it's an interesting one OP. I can see why you're pondering it. Personally I would go for natural conception and use CVS/amnios as screening. However, if I was wealthy like them, maybe I would consider the IVF route.

However, at 43 (which is not too old to have a baby, but does indeed increase risk), I would question whether I wanted a baby for the right reasons or because my kids were beyond the "baby" stage and I was nostalgic for that.

Birdsgottafly · 05/05/2012 10:37

"I think I had always assumed IVF was for only those who were having trouble conceiving"

The 'problem' that they have is that if they leave it for 6 months, her chances lesson, so it is a dilemma.

She is only at the thinking stage, when she has had meetings with doctors/consultants they may change their minds.

MarieFromStMoritz · 05/05/2012 10:38

Even with IVF, she still only has less than 5% chance of it working, at her age.

DowagersHump · 05/05/2012 10:40

Um... I had a baby at the age of 42. Not one health professional that I dealt with over the months of my pregnancy or after he was born referred to me as 'geriatric' or elderly, or any other offensive term.

ArielThePiraticalMermaid · 05/05/2012 10:49

I wouldn't question the ethics of the IVF, but personally I agree with echt. If I was in my early forties and already had three children, I would stop there.

And that's coming from someone who is looking at IVF at 37 because of infertility.

AmberLeaf · 05/05/2012 10:53

You may well see 'elderly mother' on your notes though.

YouOldSlag · 05/05/2012 10:54

Dowagers, "geriatric" was on my notes but nobody used the term verbally,

margerykemp · 05/05/2012 11:01

Afaik it already happens that IVF is used for couples who have a genetic condition to stop an affected embryo being implanted, even if they are young and healthy and fertile. IVF isn't just used for infertility treatment.

Nancy66 · 05/05/2012 11:09

At 43 her chances of conceiving with her own eggs with IVF are very small - less than 5 per cent.

She'd be better off trying naturally.

DowagersHump · 05/05/2012 11:09

Nope - didn't appear on my notes anywhere either.

AfricanExport · 05/05/2012 11:13

Wow --- I did not know that. I would be extremely offended if that had happened to me or my 40 year old friend who gave birth 2 weeks ago..

Apparently it is more to do with the age of the eggs than the age of the mother but really it is not a nice term is it. I envisaged pregnant 70 year olds Smile

PomBearWithAnOFRS · 05/05/2012 11:25

I was referred to and slightly frowned upon once or twice as "geriatric" aged 34 and again aged 36 when I had no3 and no4 sons. I was also referred to and slightly frowned upon lots as a "teenage pregnancy" with my pfb, even though I turned 20 during the pregnancy and was married and living in our own home Confused

littlepinkfizz · 05/05/2012 11:33

The medical profession most certainly do not refer to someone aged 43 ttc as geriatric? Who are you to judge? None of your business I'd imagine [ shock]

extremepie · 05/05/2012 11:49

I'm a bit hmmm about this....

I don't necessarily object to the idea of an 'older' couple having IVF, but (please correct me if I've read this wrong) I do feel uncomfortable about the idea that an 'older' couple would specifically choose to have IVF so they could screen out undesirable birth defects or problems.

At their age there are more likely (statistically) to have genetic issues and they are less likely to conceive but there is still a good chance they would conceive and their child will be fine.

I'm not sure I agree that a couple (whatever age) should be able to pay for IVF just because they don't want to be 'burdened' with a child who might have more complex needs than they want.

In my opinion, if you want another baby you should try naturally and you get what you get, if that happens to be a child with genetic problems, so be it! Having IVF to screen them out is (to me) almost like saying, 'we are desperate for another baby and are willing to go through all the effort and expense of having IVF to make that happen....but we only want a child who is perfect'.

A poorer person would not get that choice, couples who cannot conceive naturally don't have that choice.

Jenny70 · 05/05/2012 12:37

Personally I don't think a fertility clinic would accept them, even if they were paying. Seems a long shot, and will probably ruin their success stats!

If you feel inclined to put your opinion forward, which I wouldn't, but perhaps she'd be better trying to conceive naturally and having an amnio done - not "guarentee" but neither is IVF, things can happen during pregnancy that may not deliver you the "perfect baby" regardless of the genes it has. But amnio gives peace of mind during the pregnancy....

DowagersHump · 05/05/2012 12:46

Her and her husband may be carriers of cystic fibrosis. Would it be wrong to screen for that? I would, if I known I was a carrier before I conceived. Now I've potentially passed it on to DS

And of course you can have IVF in your early 40s! Plenty of people do. The ageism on MN never fails to astound me ...

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