IVF for the fertile yet 'geriatric'

[WinkyWinkola]

I have a friend with 3 kids all over 10. She's now 43 years old. She and her dh want more children but they are so worried about any genetic issues due to their age - he's 43 too.

We were discussing this the other day and she said she was thinking about doing IVF to make sure any future dcs didn't have any genetic issues. She and her dh would pay to have this not being short of a bob or two.

I was but then I started to reconsider. Is it morally suspect to do such a thing? I mean, as people they are fit, healthy, pretty wealthy, happily married etc. She said that she would keep it a secret though so that people wouldn't be offended and it was nobody's business but hers and her dh's anyway.

I kept my trap shut and didn't really vocalise a judgement to my friend but sometimes I feel like I don't know what is right or not anymore!

Pgt is far from routine - when I spoke to an embryologist I was shocked at the extremely low numbers of births that have happened via this route.

I can see why as I wouldn't want to go through an amnio/cvs and poss termination if they are sure from the outset they couldn't manage a child with ds. It'd be heartbreaking and chances of genetic disorders do increase with maternal age whether we like it or not.

Personally I was mid twenties having my first so hope to have my life back by the time I'm their age. Starting again with a new baby would be my idea of hell .

Having been through an amnio with my third pregnancy (recommended in part due to my age, late 30's) and all the worry and uncertainty that goes with it I can fully understand why someone would choose to look into it.
Btw,I was called an 'experienced older mother' on my notes. My mum once told me that when she was pg she was referred to as an 'elderly primagravida'... She was 24!

Still trying to figure out why it matters to you... their money, their choice. They're not doing anything wrong.

Do you somehow think that by paying for IVF they are taking away resources from people who are in what you would consider to be more genuine need? I suspect that there are plenty of doctors and labs out there to meet the private demand. Private payers don't create longer waiting lists for the publicly funded.

Triggles, I was just pondering the question is all. And questioning my reaction.

I'm just confused why you'd question it at all tbh. There's obviously SOMETHING you're questioning... is it the age or the IVF or the combination of both? Either way you look at it, YABU. They're not too old, and if she prefers to go the IVF route and can afford it, I just don't see the problem.

As far as I am concerned, I think the bigger issue is that people now seem to think that everything, including a friend's conception methods, are up for public debate. If a friend of mine posted this about me on a website, I would no longer consider her my friend. I imagine this was discussed with you in confidence, as you state that she isn't telling others. Nice that you respect that.... or not

Goodness. What a moral high horse we are on. It's actually anonymous. Better nor discuss anyone then.

Moral high horse? I'm not the one that is discussing whether or not my "friend" is "suspect" for thinking about IVF. Anonymous? Well, if you say so. A number of people on MN have been outed with less info given.

I never said she was suspect at all. I haven't even made a judgement. I thought it a question I've never considered before and didnt know what to make of it.

And I'm pretty secure in the anonymity of it.

OP, would you find it odd her choosing this path without alldready having kids?

Im just trying to work out whether your thinking is coming from the viewpoint that "well, they have three kids allready" or "42 is too old for babies"