My Mum won't speak to me.

[Mirabelle12]

I've recently been told that my 3 year old DS is deaf - bad enough news but then I found out that my 7 year old half sister has been bullying him because of it. I was minding her at the weekend - she had a tantrum when I took HIS toys off her - I snapped and smacked her once on the bum. Now my mum (and her's obviously) won't speak to me despite the fact she smacked me when I was little!!!AIBU?????

Not your child, you shouldn't have smacked her. YABU. Sorry.

you shouldn't smack someone else's child fgs

you shouldn't smack anyone

HTH

The whole situation is U. Times change....my parents smacked me but now there is a substantial body of evidence to show that smacking is not a useful form of discipline and so I would never smack my DD.

Time to break the cycle of violence.

I THINK YOU ARE IN THE WRONG. if any one smacked my children they would be getting an earfull.
it also sound very unfair for what she did and think the smack was heated by her bullying your ds and you found an excuse for it.

i would say sorry to both your mum and sister. for the bullying though, i would talk to your sister. about it and explain anything to ther.shes 7, your supposed to tbe the adult!

Tough one really as you shouldn't have slapped her but you did say you had just snapped so it doesn't sound like you would do this regularly.
Is there no way you can sit down with your mum and discuss it?

ooh absolutely yabu, you should not have hit her.

yes but she's the mum and you're not. Apart from the fact that I don't believe in smacking (my parents brought up six kids without using it) I doubly don't believe that you should ever, in any circumstances, smack another person's child.

You're the adult, you should have dealt with the tantrum using parenting techniques that don't involve smacking but I think you realise that now.

You owe your mum an apology, and your half sister. And, you need to sit down and have a good chat with your mum about what your half sister has been doing and how to approach handling it.

Without getting upset with each other, or with your half sister. She is seven years old, and now is the time to set her on the right track with the guidence of her mum and her big sister.

YABU. However, I think you Mum is too, a bit. Since she smacked you, you may be justified in thinking she treats her new DD differently to you. However, you never smack another person's child, ever or your own.

Do you really think her smacking you as a child justifies you smacking her child?

Whether a parent decides to smack or not smack is entirely up to them, but it's definately not for other people to make that choice.

It's a bit worrying that you snapped, everyone gets stressed and on the brink when they're looking after children at one time or other, but to actually lose control and do such a thing is pretty bad.

Your mum's probably so pissed off she can't face talking to you at the minute.

You're OP's very short, what's your relationship usually like with your family?

I understand where you are all coming from - I've never smacked her before - or my own DS but I just feel like I'm at the end of my rope. His dad's out of the picture and I don't think I know what to do about my DS being deaf. Just feeling a bit overwhelmed - I want to apologise but I can't take what I did back, if you know what I mean. So I'm not sure my mum is ready to listen...

YABU. For one - was there a reason for taking your DS's toys from your half-sister? For two - what do you expect but to be ignored (or worse, IMHO you've gotten off lightly) if you smack someone else's child?

YABU, but you know that. I'm so sorry to hear about your ds, you must be going through a horrible time BUT, it will all be ok in the end, you just need to find the right support. Have you looked into any charities that can help you?

Obviously I have no idea how badly your ds is affected, but I have a friend who is officially deaf although she can hear a little, who is a teacher at a secondary school. She mostly lip reads, and although she does have difficulties, she also has a full and active and happy life.

YABU. You need to go and apologise to them and hope your mum understands it was out of character and you were under a lot of emotional stress.

YABVVVVVU

What you're saying is there was so much going on to stress you out that you really did have an out of character loss of control.

It's not OK, but it's understandable.

It does make me wonder why your mum isn't worried about such uncharacteristic behaviour from you and want to talk about how you're coping.

The smack is one part, but if it's an expression of how much you're struggling, you need to be trying to get things sorted before going under.

Do you have much support from your mum normally? Is not talking her normal line of defence when she's not sure what to do/angry?

Oh here we go, a "smack" has miraculously turned into being "belted".

Of course YABU-even if your mum smacks her, it doesn´t mean that you can!

Also sounds as if you took your own frustrations out on her.

Why would you still be minding a child who bullies yours?

If my brother smacked my daughter I would smack him!

YABU, little sister or not, you had no right to smack her.

'If my brother smacked my daughter I would smack him!'

I'm trying not to laugh at the irony of how that would work tally.

Where I come from, being smacked and getting belted are the same thing

OP - you shouldn't have done it. I smacked my dd a couple of times when she was little, only little taps on the hand (she's 14 now), I'm not against smacking per se - but to my mind, it doesn't actually work, which is why I never smacked my ds. Other methods work far better.

However - this was not your child. I would have gone tonto if someone else had hit my child.

Ok I wouldn't 'smack' him, i'd knock him out!!

*gone tonto" That's a new one for my collection.

Where I come from a smack is just that, to belt someone is far more severe (although not necessarily involving a belt at all).

I agree with serendip, getting a belted round the head is the same as a clip round the ear.