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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to phone the police (101) about pants down in the park?

93 replies

Astr0naut · 03/05/2012 17:23

So, took the dcs to our local park today to play.

Walked through the gate to see three lads (17/18 ) on the swings. One of them was standing up with his pants around his ankles. I immediately averted my gaze and his mates all laughed.

They stopped laughing when I asked them whether they attended x school or Y college. Apparently they attend Y college. They shuffled off and I heard one of them muttering about how "we're gonna get banned from the park now."

I phoned the college to complain and the receptionist said she'd let departments know. Not sure what will happen then. In school we'd have a big assembly to bollock (sorry) the lads. Wondered about the police, but then, I teach big daft lads, so I know the sort of things they do.

However, it is a kids' play park.

Dh is furious and reckons it's indecent exposure, so even though nothing will happen, I should report it. He's also disgusted that I feel the need to ask the Sages of Mumsnet.

OP posts:
Floggingmolly · 03/05/2012 18:35

The police can and will ban them from the park. The kids from one of our local high schools are banned from every park in the vicinity
(sort of like a group ASBO!), and the community constables patrol regularly, particularly at lunch times and school letting out time to make sure the ban is enforced.

MrsTerryPratchett · 03/05/2012 18:36

Unfortunately for me, I have seen a lot of criminal records (as part of my various jobs). 'Flashing' was never treated as a serious offence in the past and laughed off (by the police and Courts). However, it appears on a lot of rapists' criminal records. It is generally a pretty straight line form this to unwanted sexual touching then rape. Now, I understand causality and there may be millions of people with indecent exposure on their records that I never saw because I only dealt with serious offenders. I would just be very nervous not reporting something which may or may not be serious.

They chose to do this in a children's play area.

BewitchedBotheredandBewildered · 03/05/2012 18:39

It certainly sounds like stupidity and larking about. Agree totally inappropriate, but not intentionally harmful. If you could get the police to go to the college and outline all the potential situations and consequences described by all the above posters, to all the students, I think he might get the shock he needs. Especially if it is pointed out that you could have insisted on him being identified by you and charged, but on this occasion you have not chosen that course of action .

bobbledunk · 03/05/2012 18:41

He dropped his trousers to make his friends laugh and was probably mortified at being caught. He won't do it again and his friends memory of his embarrassment will prevent them from doing something equally stupid in the future.

They're teenage boys who's brains are not yet fully formed, they're going to do dumb things because they're silly. There were not being aggressive, mean, cruel, pervy, sinister or evil and they practically ran away when challenged like the unthreatening little boys they really are.

Calling the police on them is overkill. I mean what do you expect to achieve? Teenage boy on sex register for life for stupid prank?

FredFredGeorge · 03/05/2012 18:42

Urinating in the street is not "indecent exposure" and I've not been able to find any cases where they have been convicted of it, some newspaper articles suggesting that was the offence, but none where it actually was. It's normally dealt with as Drunk and Disorderly or section 5 public order if there's no specific local byelaw blocking it - as there is in many (most?) town centres etc.

eurochick · 03/05/2012 18:43

I'm with fanjo (words I never thought I would type on the internet).

I would be advising going to the police if it had seemed properly pervy, e.g. lone bloke, dropped his trousers, stared at you, touched himself or some combination of these. But as you just stumbled across him as it were, I would leave it with the college.

(BTW, I'm jealous of the teacher voice. I want one.)

kittycatwoman · 03/05/2012 18:44

Another "am with fanjo" here. Well said

Original poster
Astr0naut · 03/05/2012 18:48

I've already said I'm not the one who's angling to phone the police. And if I do, it's not to persecute him, it's to get the message across the a children's play area is not the right place. I didn't take names. Although would've scared the shit out them if I had.

EUro, sadly a teacher voice comes with a teacher job!

OP posts:
VolkswagenBeetle · 03/05/2012 18:53

I do think you should report it. If he was around 13/14 I would say yes just teenagers larking about. But he was 18 fgs! A man in the eyes of the law, old enough to hold down a job, to vote, to drink! And he did it in a children's play area! He's old enough to know it's unacceptable. Imagine if a young girl had been walking through the park, how vulnerable and scared she would have been. I agree with the poster who says flashers usually go on to more serious crimes like sexual assualt and rape.

IAmBooyhoo · 03/05/2012 18:59

i think consdiering his age and where he was then it does require him having a talking to about it. if that happens by way of the college having an assembly or by teh ploice visiting then so be it.

if as fred says (which i totally belive btw, was just confused as to why it had been called indecent exposure in local papers), it isn't indecent exposure then i think that's even more reason to report to the police as he is more likely to get done for antisocial behaviour and wont have indecent exposure on his record.

anyway. you dont know who he was so teh police wont be able to 'do' anyone for it, just keep an eye out in the local area for other similar behaviours.

MrsTerryPratchett · 03/05/2012 19:17

When I was 18 I was working in a job with sex offenders and other offenders. I had to visit rapists in prison and interview them and observe them on home leave and so on (not alone, I hasten to add). I think an 18 year old can understand that it is not OK to expose his penis in a playground. A lot of sex offenders start young. I am not saying that is the case here but he needs to understand that having his penis out in a public place used by children is wrong.

TheCrackFox · 03/05/2012 19:29

I think it might be worth talking to the police about this. He actually flashed at your children in a playground and the vast majority of 18yr old men know that this is unnacceptable.

ragged · 03/05/2012 19:32

Another vote for what Fanjo said. Stupid selfish self-centred, but not criminal imho.

WilsonFrickett · 03/05/2012 19:36

He's 18, he's not a child. I would phone the police and leave it up to them. They're not going to 'catch' him - presumably you'd have to identify him? - but may decide to take some preventative action like visiting the college. It is anti-social behaviour at best and at worst it's a sex pest in the making, but the point is that isn't your call to make. So I think you should report it actually.

And 18 is old enough to know you don't expose your genitals in the park, am a bit Hmm that many posters seem to have this down as teenage larks...

ragged · 03/05/2012 19:37

I guess the thing is I reckon he was flashing at his mates as a lark, not meaning for you or your DC to see.

GrahamTribe · 03/05/2012 19:42

I'm totally with you Fanjo.

Original poster
Astr0naut · 03/05/2012 19:42

See, Ragged, that's what I keep thinking.

But then, if you're in a park that's full of children's play equipment - inlcluding a baby slide - then you expect people to walk in. Besides, it's not like it's a secluded park - road on three sides; overlooked by houses across the road and next to a convenience store.

OP posts:
WilsonFrickett · 03/05/2012 19:44

So where would it have been ok for him to flash then? It's not the location that's at fault, it's the action.

IAmBooyhoo · 03/05/2012 19:45

agree wilson. many teenage boys (and girls) get through life without ever 'happening to be in a play park with their pants down'

GrahamTribe · 03/05/2012 19:45

A withering Grin remark which made a fool of him in front of his buddies would be far more appropriate than the protracted punishment from school and the police (including possible inclusion on the SOR) under the circumstances, surely? It very much seems that the intention was not to threaten or distress you.

IAmBooyhoo · 03/05/2012 19:48

those that know. would this incident as described by OP result in the boy/man (if he had actually been identified, which he hasn't) being placed on the SOR?

GiveTheAnarchistACigarette · 03/05/2012 19:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WilsonFrickett · 03/05/2012 19:53

If your 13 year old daughter had witnessed this and came home upset and confused would you say 'never mind, just lads mucking about' or would you phone the police? I don't mean that to sound provocative or nasty, but I feel that you were unphased by the incident so are minimising it - but not everyone would feel the same way.

ToryLovell · 03/05/2012 20:06

Wilson makes a very good point.

I think it is very unlikely that the police will be able to identify the individual so won't end up on SOR, however if the police were to go into the college it might re-inforce the message that it is not on to do this in a childrens park

Original poster
Astr0naut · 03/05/2012 20:09

Right, have decided (again). I really would be a shit astronaut in real life.

I will text my local PCSO and ask them to go into the college to emphasise the seriousness of the behaviour. It seems to me that that would be the middle ground, and it should make the college take the behaviour seriously.

OP posts:
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