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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

is my mil being unreasonable re thankyou letters...

50 replies

5madthings · 03/05/2012 14:20

posting here for quick replies...

so dp ran the london marathon this year! he did it for the charity he works, for, obviously we got sponsores from family and friends etc.

my mil is very involved with her local church, does lots of voluntary stuff for them etc. She took a sponsorship form to her church and asked if some of her friends would sponser dp, some of these people he vaguely knows from childhood, many he has never met.

anyway so today the sponsor money from these people arrived, mil had collected it and sent it on.

but along with the sponsor money was a list of all their names and adresses so dp can WRITE AND THEN THEM!! he is to write individual letters to each one!! surely they sponsor out of their own good nature and they were under no obligation to do so, am assuming my mil thanked them at the time as we did when collecting sponsers?

anway mil WILL be pissed if dp doesnt do this!

but dp works crazy long hours and quite frankly doesnt have the time to write 20 odd letters to various people we dont know thanking them for their £5 of sponsorship.

so is mil being unreasonable in expecting this? are we/dp being ur to not want to do it, is it the 'polite' thing to do?

btw we do do thankyou letters etc for xmas gifts or at least a phone call etc, but thankyou letters for sponsorship?!! Confused

OP posts:
Original poster
5madthings · 03/05/2012 14:20

sorry for typos trying to wrangle toddler!

OP posts:
Original poster
5madthings · 03/05/2012 14:21

should say write and thank them not then them!

OP posts:
eurochick · 03/05/2012 14:22

I've never had a thank you letter for sponsoring someone.

SydSaid · 03/05/2012 14:22

YANBU. I don't know of anyone that has ever written to thank for sponsorship.

Maybe a letter to the church instead would suffice, that they can pin on their noticeboard, saying thank you for the generous donations, and as a result he has raised £x.xx for such-and-such charity?

Original poster
5madthings · 03/05/2012 14:23

syd that may be a good idea actually! thankyou

but yes i have never got a thankyou letter for sponsoring anyone either but mil is quite insistent that dp does this!

OP posts:
DowagersHump · 03/05/2012 14:24

What SydSaid said :o

GlitterySkulls · 03/05/2012 14:26

could he maybe do a general one, sent to the church?

along the lines of- thank you very much to all members of the church who sponsored me for the london marathon on behalf of x charity. this was much appreciated, and very generous, blah blah blah...

that way mil can't moan that her friends haven't been thanked, & he doesn't have to do a gazillion individual letters.

EdithWeston · 03/05/2012 14:27

How many people, how much money and are they particular friends of MIL, or just passing acquaintances?

It's normally rude for one adult to tell another how to behave, but mothers often can't get out of the habit when it is their children. And if the sponsorship money was a large sum from her two best friends, I can see where she's coming from. If it's a complete contribution, each of whom gave a pound, then it's a very different request.

Either way, it's for DH to sort out with her. I'd have thought the sensible compromise would be a letter to the Church suitable for public display on their noticeboard, and individual letter to any particularly generous donors or particularly close friends. And of course something to MIL for her efforts and initiative in rounding up donors.

GlitterySkulls · 03/05/2012 14:27

X-posted with sydsaid... i'm too slow!

sugarice · 03/05/2012 14:27

Well I've never received a thank you from anyone I've sponsored and would never expect one either. As a compromise [if you feel you should have one that is]. Why not get a thank you card or type up a thank you letter and pass it to her to pin up at the local church notice board where she got the signatures thanking all who sponsored.

Ephiny · 03/05/2012 14:27

I've never heard of this being done/expected. I agree the letter to the church might be a nice idea.

sugarice · 03/05/2012 14:28

x posted too.

EdithWeston · 03/05/2012 14:28

"If it was the complete congregation" DYAC, and my apologies.

Pixieonthemoor · 03/05/2012 14:28

I think MIL is being totally U. I have never ever received a thank you letter for sponsorship - it just doesn't happen. Does she expect a written thank you for the tin rattler in the street when she donates her loose change?? Crazy. I like the letter-to-the-church idea. Or maybe one letter printed off several times and then signed?

Original poster
5madthings · 03/05/2012 14:29

it is from several people, some are mil closeish friends i guess, many are not, just the congregation in general. not huge amounts either.

i am thinking that a general letter to go on the church notice board is a good compromise, just saying how he did in the marathon and how much was raised and thankyou for your contribution :)

hopefully that will placate mil!

OP posts:
DeWe · 03/05/2012 14:31

I've never had a thank you letter from someone I'd sponsored, however I'd only sponsor someone I knew well, as we get loads round so I tend to be fairly choosy, but then give a reasonable amount.

I'm on the fence, it might be nice for him, particularly as they don't know him well, and maybe mil put the pressure on a bit etc.

Could you buy some thank you notes and write in each: "Thank you for the sponsorship. I did it in X length of time. Marathon man"? Or if you have a photo of him doing it, print each one a photo and write "Thank you. Marathon man" on each? Not too much hassle and would be a nice gesture.

However I think if my mil was implying I ought to then I would immediately feel resistant to doing it. Wink

NoobytheWaspSlayer · 03/05/2012 14:31

Why not do one letter saying thanks, photocopy/print it 20 times and send it out to the addresses your mil gave you. Minimal effort and a happy mil.

knowitallstrikesagain · 03/05/2012 14:32

Give your MIL the name and address of the charity and tell her if she wants thank-yous, she can get them from the charity and the people they help, as they were the onles who actually received the money. Bet she won't demand thank you letters from them!

YANBU. Your MIL is mad.

Original poster
5madthings · 03/05/2012 14:34

oh mil would NOT have put the pressure on at all, she is soo not that type of person! she didnt even ask one week as a member of the congregation had had her son die unexpectedly (he was the same age as dp) and she thought it would be insensitive to mention her own son of the same age when someone else had just lost theirs!

she is nothing if not polite...

i think we will do a general letter can attach a photo of dp as he crossed the finish line/with his medal etc and put the total raised and a thankyou to the church :)

OP posts:
BikeRunSki · 03/05/2012 14:35

I'd say a group letter too, but maybe an individual letter for anyone who gave a lot of money - say more than £50? This is what a group of friends and I did a few years ago when we did a lot of fundraising for a particular cause.

neolara · 03/05/2012 14:36

I ran the London Marathon about a million years ago, and I sent thank you letters to some people who sponsored me. Letters went to people who had sponsored me for a lot of money or people who I had not had direct contact with. I also sent emails thanking everyone saying how much they had helped me to raise. I think in your dh's circumstances I would do what his mother asked. She is probably worried that it will reflect badly on her if her friends are not thanked.

TroublesomeEx · 03/05/2012 14:39

Well I'd say that a group 'thank you' card to the congregation that the vicar could make a reference to is a nice idea. But I think that individual letters (except for large amounts as BRS suggested) is completely unnecessary!

The sponsorship money was for charity, not your DH personally.

In terms of your MIL being cross with him if he doesn't do this, what is she going to do? Not buy him his 10p pick and mix next Saturday?!

If it's that important to her, she can write and thank them on his behalf.

EdithWeston · 03/05/2012 14:40

Another idea: print a generic letter, just hand writing the names and signing them (perhaps adding a handwritten sentence at the end to people who you actually know). Send them all to MIL and ask her to distribute them. Blame the increase in cost of stamps.

GrimmaTheNome · 03/05/2012 14:44

One general letter certainly enough.

If your MIL really thinks they need a letter each... well, actually it was she who asked them to contribute to the charity (surely she doesn't think to her son personally Hmm) so maybe she should write them.

If she's involved with a church you'd think she'd have come across Matthew 6:3 'But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing' . If the kind donors believe this, they might have preferred to remain anonymous.

diddl · 03/05/2012 15:36

I don´t think that SIBU actually as these people sponsered him through her & not directly.

How else would he thank them?