to think that this may end up being a deal breaker

[Abitpissedoff]

OH and I have been together nearly 15 years, we have 2 children and I'm pretty sure if I don't rock the boat we'll be together for ever. He's not the most romantic, but his first priority is his family (me and our children).

He used to be very happy go lucky but something happened in his life that has changed him and he's a different person to who he was, that's not to say I don't love him regardless.

I am very close to my family and we do a lot together. OH used to come to family get togethers and would join in the fun but over the years he has come to less and less. I've got an anniversary celebration at the weekend for my aunt and uncle, and I really want OH to come with me but he won't, he's made his mind up that he doesn't want to go and that's final, without any regard to how this makes me feel.

He's not as close to his family and he says me and the children are his family, but I feel as though he should be willing to do it for me.

The less things he comes to, the more I resent him for it and want to scream 'you would if you loved me' although I know it's a bit pathetic.

So AIBU to want him to come and let this chip away at me or should I just accept that he won't and do it all without him?

I can understand you wanting him there, but it would be sad if his not coming was a deal-breaker. There's no rule that says a partner has to be involved with your family. I guess every couple is different. I know a couple who do everything together, travel everywhere together, even have a joint email account, whereas my husband and I are quite independent in a lot of ways (we see friends separately, holiday separately, etc). The challenge is to get the balance right in a way that works for you two. Nobody can tell you what you 'should' be doing.

This wouldn't be a dealbreaker for me, or indeed bother me in the slightest. I wouldn't be interested in going to DP's aunt/uncles's anniversary celebration, I'd stay at home and dog-sit instead. And he wouldn't expect or pressure me to go unless I wanted to.

It does sound like there are some underlying problems here though, it must be very difficult if he refuses to talk to you :(

Now I've calmed down a bit I feel a bit disloyal.

I think him refusing to go to things with me brings a few things to the fore. All the bits that I don't like particularly.

But there are many more bits I do like.

I'm going to sit down with him tonight and try talk through a few things. Not so much the party but his reluctance to share us.

Thank you for all your replies. I accept that I am bu for this to be a deal breaker but I appreciate that some of you have seen the bigger picture.