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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this is not my fault?

79 replies

iwannabewizbit · 02/05/2012 21:33

I've just had my mum on the phone giving me an earful and now Im pissed off.
It's her 60th in a few weeks, she called to invite us to a party 2 weekends after her birthday and we can't go. She thinks we should cancel our plans to go as she is having it on this specific weekend so it fits in with my 2 sisters plans.
I'm annoyed, she called them before booking and made sure it suited them but I'm meant to cancel my plans to fit in around everyone.
Am I being unreasonable to tell her I won't change my plans? Bearing in mind I've asked her 4 times if she is having a party and was told each time that she was not? And that I don't see why she couldn't call me before booking if she managed to call my sisters?

OP posts:
Original poster
iwannabewizbit · 04/05/2012 16:21

yeah, she is choosing to be an arsehole.

OP posts:
Sparkletastic · 04/05/2012 16:22

then she is being a dog in the manger - leave her to stew.

Tbh I can't stand these people who make an epic fuss about their birthdays - even the 'big' ones shouldn't be THAT big a deal. My SIL is 40 next year and apparently we are expected to come on holiday with her to Ireland to some castle where she is holding a big party, she will be wearing a designer wedding dress, and all must bring an expensive gift from her Selfridges gift list that she will be setting up. FFS.

Anniegetyourgun · 04/05/2012 16:22

So, if you have a partner and children you don't need notice of parties because you never do anything? Thank god that's not true, otherwise nobody would sign up to having children, ever. Presumably the DCs are quite small, because when they get bigger you have to plan round their social lives as well as your own.

Oh, and if you have children booking a hotel is easier and cheaper than for single people or couples... er?

startail · 04/05/2012 16:23

YANBU, you checked twice.

Original poster
iwannabewizbit · 04/05/2012 16:25

thats a point we couldnt but have all get into a premier inn room. the kids are 13, 9 and 5.

OP posts:
Anniegetyourgun · 04/05/2012 16:27

Cross posted with a few. I see that you being there for her birthday is not good enough. Wouldn't a more normal reaction be to say oh goody, I get to celebrate my birthday twice?

LadyClariceCannockMonty · 04/05/2012 16:31

No, YANBU. I wouldn't bother trying to please her or plan round her any more, and if she pulls any further stunts like the Christmas one I think all you can do is repeat til blue in the face 'We tried to make plans with you but got to the point where we could no longer wait.'

AKMD · 04/05/2012 16:55

Sparkle that sounds rather creepy TBH. A castle and a wedding dress? Sounds a bit Jane Eyre-ish to me!

WeShouldOpenABar · 04/05/2012 17:09

Sparkle I can imagine you in six months AIBU to not wear the cloth sack my SIL laid out for me for her party, she wants to be the only one looking attractive on her big day

imnotmymum · 04/05/2012 17:13

mmm tricky as family will be peeved. Depends if you can deal with the fall out. I would say go to original plans as you asked, she asked others etc. I would maybe do something lovely for her birthday- actual day. If it was on the birthday then that different but it is not

GravyHadALumpyMashBaby · 04/05/2012 17:17

Screw her then. She's cutting off her nose to sptie her own face and it's not your problem. She's a drama queen.
Hopefully it'll be another 3 months before you have to see her again! Grin

Original poster
iwannabewizbit · 04/05/2012 17:34

fucking woman!!!
ive just had my aunt on the phone, apparently my mum called her crying cause ive decided to go out with my friends instead of celebrating her birthday!

OP posts:
diddl · 04/05/2012 17:41

That is awful!

What did you tell your Aunt?

Original poster
iwannabewizbit · 04/05/2012 17:43

that my mum was talking out her arse. and that i was free on her birthday and that as i have been asking her for bloody ages what she was planning and got nowhere i accepted an invite to a wedddin. and that if she had bothered to ask me before booking the way she had asked my sisters then there wouldnt be this problem.
my aunt knew nothing of the backstory!
then i called my mum and she didnt answer.

OP posts:
MadameChinLegs · 04/05/2012 17:55

If it were me, I would say

"DMum, if it was that important that we attend, you could have asked us when we were free, just as you did my sisters. Seems to me that you either assume I will always be avaliable OR that you care more about them being free to come than me. Either way, we have long-standing plans which we have rsvp'd for, bought a gift and outfits for and are unable to cancel. If it was that important for me to be there, you could have at least had the decency to treat me the same as my sisters. Nevermind the fact that I have asked and asked what plans you had and you told me nothing. I am not a mind reader. If you choose to move your party, I will of course attend, but I am sorry, I am not free on the night of the 23rd"

diddl · 04/05/2012 17:55

Does your Aunt fancy lunch out on the 9th?

Original poster
iwannabewizbit · 04/05/2012 17:58

fucking hell im fuming. bloody woman manages to piss me off more than anoyone else in the world.

OP posts:
Elephantsteaparty · 04/05/2012 18:06

That's mothers for you! They know which buttons to push.

I presume your aunt believed you? Definitely think you should take her for lunch on the 9th!

kali110 · 04/05/2012 18:11

You havent done anything wrong,you gave her loads of chances!you cant let the people who invited you to the wedding down.
She rang your other sisters but not you,thats not fair,also it wont excatly be cheap having to stay at the inn!

Popoozle · 04/05/2012 18:11

Grin at taking the aunt out for lunch on the 9th instead. I'm sure you'll have a lovely time.

JaxTellerIsMyFriend · 04/05/2012 18:25

I hope your aunt is suitably 'in the know' now that she has spoken to you.

Your mother is behaving like a toddler! But she CHOSE this drama.

diddl · 04/05/2012 19:50

Most adults would be disappointed not to get all their children together but I would have thought would be more than happy to see the one who couldn´t come to the get together on the actual day.

My sibling & I are both abroad-can you imagine how often our Dad sees us on his birthday?

Some parents just don´t know when they are bloody well off FFS.

NicNocJnr · 04/05/2012 20:49

I'd be bit miffed at my aunt tbh unless she was calling just to find out the real deal.

My aunt is actually my 'mummy' my mother is a PITA hysterical drama queen. My aunt knows all too well what bollocks my mother spreads to get her own way, look like a martyr or whatever - my aunt would phone me just to give me a heads up - if she phoned to give me an ear bashing...well. Hah, so they're the issues I'm bringing to the thread lol!

It's her choice and her loss. I don't take any notice of relatives that want to mutter about my choices - they don't even bother now because I never bother to acknowledge them if they're being silly.

She'll have much more fun whimpering about it to all and sundry so it sounds like she's more pleased about this than you and family attending her event. I love my mother but I wouldn't ever be friends with her because she's an ass. Sadly she's not the only parent that isn't a very nice person.

BerthaTheBogBurglar · 04/05/2012 20:55

Time to start phoning around all the interested relatives and crying because your mum doesn't love you as much as your sisters and you really wanted to celebrate her birthday but she deliberately arranged it on a weekend when she knew you couldn't go ...

[stirs]

It's good to hear you're telling people like it is though. Keep it up!

MousyMouse · 04/05/2012 20:55

yanbu
my family does that sort of thing all the frigging time
pisses me off.

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