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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

RSVP you bloody rude people!!!

45 replies

DublinMammy · 02/05/2012 17:02

It's my DS's 3rd birthday on Saturday. We invited all 8 other children in his class at the creche and so far I have only had a message from 2 of them to say whether they can come or not. I really need to know who is coming as it affects the amount of food/ organise party bags etc. AIBU to think it's really rude to not let me know? Do most parents ignore invitations for their children like this?

OP posts:
GateGipsy · 02/05/2012 17:06

in my experience, yes. I make a point of always RSVPing as a result. But I've got used to the fact over the years that you hand these invites out and unless you personally know the parent and physically see them you don't get an RSVP. Drives me demented. But luckily as the kids get older and have been together for a while, you get parents phone numbers and contact details etc. Now I hand out invites, and then talk to the parent directly after a couple of days.

Debsbear · 02/05/2012 17:06

Did you actually hand the invites to tge parents yourself? We've had issues with this in the past and sometimes it's down t the parents but (certainly with older kids) its often down to a lack of communication. In fact one year I forgot to write my contact details on the invites Blush

Original poster
DublinMammy · 02/05/2012 17:10

I asked the lady who runs the creche to hand them out for me and she confirmed yesterday that she had done it (last Monday so they have had them for ages). I definitely put my contact details on them Debs, perhaps they can't read my writing!

I don't have any contact details for them and DS only goes Mon and Tues so don't want to have to go and loiter there to see if I can catch any of the parents. Grrr. Perhaps I will put a copy of "Modern Manners" or similar into party bags.......

OP posts:
BallerinaBetty · 02/05/2012 17:10

I feel your pain. My dd has her 5th birthday party on Saturday and I'm still waiting for some replies. I've tried chasing up but no avail. People are just plain rude.

BobbiFleckman · 02/05/2012 17:12

people are rude and don't reply, and then they don't so much as text to say thank you afterwards. It's a thankless game hosting children's parties. An expensive, thankless game.

Original poster
DublinMammy · 02/05/2012 17:20

Would it be wrong have a special "non-repliers' party bag for the children whose parents didn't reply filled with indelible markers, bags of extra-sugary sweets and all other messy/ excitement inducing crap I can find?

OP posts:
NoraHelmer · 02/05/2012 18:30

We hardly had any RSVPs for DD's birthday party recently. When the day came I had no idea whether we were going to be sitting in a nearly empty room. In fact virtually everyone turned up. It just seems to be the way now that people often don't bother to reply. Unless you chase them up, and give them several options to reply (in person/email/text/phone etc) then just assume they will probably be there.

ToryLovell · 02/05/2012 19:08

It gets me so Angry they are just plain feckin rude...but I'm going to steal your special party bag idea

Original poster
DublinMammy · 02/05/2012 19:37

Will have to plan as though they are all coming then. Any ideas on what else to put into the bags Tory or anyone else? I am new to the "partybags-as-punishment-to-rude-bastard-parents" game!

OP posts:
ElizabethPonsonby · 02/05/2012 19:52

Put something glittery in, you know, the sort of toy that just sheds glitter everywhere for all eternity....

PoppyWearer · 02/05/2012 19:54

Yes, this is normal.

To get around the party bag issue, buy single larger toys or a pack of books to hand out (one book per child) - the Book People are good for this, a whole Thomas box set for £20!! Any leftovers can be used as presents later.

I did the party bag thing last year and got hugely stressed out by the non-repliers. Ended up with a few spare bags and had to invite baby siblings to the party table to fill empty spaces. Hmm

Original poster
DublinMammy · 02/05/2012 19:56

Next year I will do the one larger thing plan, thanks for that Poppy but for this year I will get quiet pleasure from the idea of glittering the crap out of their houses. Perhaps just a big bag of glitter each. And glue. And a bag of sugar.

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 02/05/2012 19:57

Something loud, a kazoo, maybe.

Backtobedlam · 02/05/2012 19:58

Most of ours replied, but you've got me worried now...I assumed of people didn't reply they wouldn't be turning up. If the non-replies turn up to ours they won't have a seat or party bag as based it on numbers coming! Children's parties...who'd organise them eh?!

gafhyb · 02/05/2012 20:01

It's crap. Natural justice would be not to arrange any food or party bags for the non-repliers.

In future, I'd put a day and date by which they have to reply as well

monkeymoma · 02/05/2012 20:03

some reply on the day or even 20 mins before party start time :-S

always allow for extras (plus siblings!)

Original poster
DublinMammy · 02/05/2012 20:04

Gafhyb you are so right, I should have put a date to reply by but it's the first time I've done a party for him when it was including people I don't know i.e. the kids from the creche. Will know for next time but imagine the same thing will happen again.

OP posts:
MeKathryn · 02/05/2012 20:05

What did the invite say? My ds's last one said to reply if you could go, he couldn't so I didn't reply!

Original poster
DublinMammy · 02/05/2012 20:05

SIBLINGS!!!!!! 20 mins before start time!!!!!!! What's WRONG with these people???

OP posts:
Original poster
DublinMammy · 02/05/2012 20:06

MeK it simply said "RSVP, DublinMammy, phone number" I thought it would be read by normal people with some common sense and a few manners!

OP posts:
hermioneweasley · 02/05/2012 20:09

Last year we had someone who didn't RSVP turn up and she has food allergies. The mother then proceeded to snatch all the food out of my hands to inspect the packaging declaring in horror that her daughter coukdn't eat whatever. If she had 1. Replied and. 2. Told us about the allergies, then we would have happily catered for her, but give me a frikkin break. Rude, awful woman.

Hopefully you won't have that!

monkeymoma · 02/05/2012 20:09

actually the siblings are quite useful at a 3YO party cause they are all either babes in arms or old enough to help out with the little ones, but apparently once you get to the 7YOish parties and the siblings are toddlers its more annoying

Original poster
DublinMammy · 02/05/2012 20:12

Any non-replying allergy people will be shown the door but of course not without being rolled in nut flour/ dairy/ wheat etc. The cheeky cow! What did you say to her Hermione?

Do I have to give siblings party bags too? Fucking hell, this is becoming a nightmare.

OP posts:
monkeymoma · 02/05/2012 20:13

dublin mammay what about a lucky dip instead of making up an unknown number of party bags (course it's an unknown number of lucky dip presents but that's less hassle than party bags)

and avoid pass the parcel, there is no right amt of layers :-S

MeKathryn · 02/05/2012 20:14

Well they are being rude then. I'm glad I've been too mean to have a party for ds so far now Wink Can't wait till next year when he's at school and I have to bite the bullet.