AIBU to not want to go back yet?

[amieis]

Our dd is 2 1/2 months old and my partner is pressuring me to go back to work in june. I have until october until my maternity leave is up and I don't want to go back until I have to.
His reasons for wanting me to go back are that he dropped hours from his stable fulll time job to take on a self employed, comission only sales job despite everyones warnings not to, and now its not going how he thought it would. We cope just fine with the income we have but if I go back we will have to pay for childcare and I'm going to miss out on important phases of dds development.
I'm reluctant to go back yet as I don't drive and work an hour and a halfs travel on public transport away, meaning I would leave at 7am and not get home until after 7pm, so I would not see dd at all during the week. I also want to bf as long as possible so think that its unfair on dd to have only bf for 3 months when I go back. Finally I want to leave it as long as possible because I don't want someone else being the one to teach dd to walk and talk, and want to be there for as many of her important milestones as I can.
Aibi to want to take my full allowance?

The short version

amieis, can you even remember why you are with this man (and I use the term 'man' very loosely here)?

He has taken control of your life. He decides where you live, when you return to work, who is going to take care of your baby, how much you're going to pay for that 'service' - and each of these choices HE has made do not accord with your wishes. But he just keeps being in charge - WHY?? Why are you letting him push you around like this? Please don't think I'm having a go at you because I'm truly not. I am deeply worried that he has manipulated you to such an extent that you now feel powerless and in no position to object. That he's telling you it was your decision to go back to work sounds as if he is gaslighting you. Trust yourself, trust your guts. You know that this is a lie, why is he lying to you? Because he is trying to maintain control over you. Sorry, but I think you need to find the strength to get out of there, ASAP.

You say you are "reluctant to go back yet"- that says it all. Don't leave your baby if you are unhappy to do so. You will regret it.

It's still early days after having your baby, do you have friends/family that can support you with looking at your relationship/living arrangements?

WhereYouLeftIt I honestly don't know anymore. He used to be an amazing partner, but now I spend more time being pissed with him than anything.
In an update to the situation, after a meeting with my (amazing) boss today he's told me he doesn't want to see my face back in the office until november!!! (Apart from social occasions lol) He has kids of his own and will abandon us leave the office at a seconds notice if his wife needs him, thus understands my need to be at home with dd

Your boss sounds lovely.

Please look at what people are saying... please understand he's doing a right job on you :(

Why is it so impractical to go and live with your parents?

amieis, my guess would be he was amazing for as long as it took to reel you in. He's got you isolated now - maybe he's sure that you're fully trapped and so he doesn't feel the need to put the act on any more. Seriously, get out now while you still have enough independence of mind to question this situation.

Glad your boss is on your side - that's great amieis

• Hopefully it will buy you some thinking time as well as a summer with your DD (when the rain stops !)

Liking ChippingIns post

Leave, leave, leave!

There are red flags all over this. :(

Whatever you choose to do about your relationship, do not compromise about not going back to work early. Your partner has to face the consequences of choosing to take a less stable job and it is wrong of him to expect you to step in and pick up the flack.
Best of luck.

I agree with all the posters who are giving you good advice here. Leave. Go to an area where you have friends, or go and spend time with your parents while you're on maternity leave. This sounds seriously screwed up and the longer you stay, the harder it will be to get out of it. If you leave, move back to somewhere nearer to work and go back to work when you planned, putting your daughter in nursery, you and she will be absolutely fine. If you stay, I predict that you really won't .

Please be very careful. If you go back to work to pay the bills for this man (who just dropped his hours on a whim) and let his dad look after your child then if you separate (at any time in the future) you will have no claim over the property you are paying the bills on (to support his drop in income) and his his dad will be seen as the primary carer leaving you open to your P going for full custody!

He sounds really selfish. He buys a house miles away from your work without you knowing, he expects you to work and not be with baby all week in order to put right his financial mistake, he can't see the importance of mother child bonding and maternity leave.

Can you suggest he sells house and moves closer to your work. Or can you move without him anyway?

"go and spend time with your parents while you're on maternity leave. "
Excellent advice. I would expect that being away from him and his family for a time would allow you to see things more clearly.