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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I have f*cked up and the nursery is shite?

48 replies

LittleMilla · 01/05/2012 19:55

Went for second 'settling in' session today and it was BEDLAM. I'd hoped to leave DS for the morning - they would put him down for a nap at about 9:30am and I would come back to get him at midday.

However, there were kids crying all over the place, they were trying to settle three children and so I simply ended up staying so that DS wouldn't be sat on his own crying. Most of the other kids don't seem to self settle, although they're the same age as DS (about 12 mo).

I decided to try and put DS down in the end as it was almost 10 before things settled down enough. And he was by then over-tired and challenging to put down.

I knew he prob wouldn't sleep for long so said i'd stay on site in the staff room. But asked that they give him some lunch and basically keep him going for as long as he was happy. They came and got me at about 11:30am. But when I got down there he was fine - hadn't eaten much but seemed happy enough. They had said he'd got 'unsettled' when he wanted to get down from his high chair...which I would imagine most one year olds would!

He's only meant to be doing two days a week - from about 9am until 4pm. I've really struggled to find anywhere that has a decent ofstead rating and is close to the new house we're buying. And that obviously has space - due to my working situation only recently being sorted, I have had to try and get somewhere quickly.

Argh, have I completely fucked this up? Or does this sound like pretty normal nursery situation for a room full of one year olds? Oh, and staffing in the room also seems quite haphazard, with people skipping in and out constantly.

OP posts:
Combinearvester · 01/05/2012 20:01

It does sound pretty grim but I imagine lots of nurseries are like at bedtime. Were the staff ratios right, were all the staff in the room there that were supposed to be there? What is your child's key worker like?

Have you checked the availability of childminders in the area? There may be someone with a vacancy for your days although I appreciate it is difficult to find a part-time vacancy for under 5s.

Bubandbump · 01/05/2012 20:01

Hmm don't look at the FIL nursery thread! But I remember you from antenatal threads as my DD is the same age and I have to admit yours sounds very different to ours and not in a good way.. Sorry.

What about a childminder?

Sirzy · 01/05/2012 20:04

Bedlam is normal for a nursery, especially if there are a couple of children upset at once.

What has it been like previous times you have been in? Have you been able to talk to other parents?

Original poster
LittleMilla · 01/05/2012 20:06

They have said that his keyworker will be decided once he's gone a few times as they want to make sure he's with whoever he's attached to.

Ratios seemed OK - but I get the impression that only two ladies are in there full time, then another two are sort of floating?

I am going to have a look at childminders tonight I think.

Spotted the FIL thread but haven't read it all. Yikes...

OP posts:
Bubandbump · 01/05/2012 20:11

I just posted on there earlier about the nursery DD goes to. There isn't a set nap time as it's child lead and there are normally about 2:1 ratio of staff - always in the room. The reason for the extra staff is so they can have one to one time and help settling the babies down for sleep etc.

Ironically it's OFSTED good and not outstanding and therefore doesnt have a huge waiting list but the staff are lovely, very caring and it felt right to us when we visited and we liked their ethos.

Original poster
LittleMilla · 01/05/2012 20:17

This nursery doesn't have 'fixed' times either, which is why I liked the sound of it. DS isn't a steady two hour kipper, so we have to sort of adjust depending on when he goes down and how long for.

This nursery is rated Good on ofsted.

Hmm, I dunno. First proper 'day' is next Tuesday. Think I will only do a half day though and see how he goes. They've said that 5 of the 9 children are new, which is making things tricky. plus I was told today that someone has recently left - which prob accounts for the lack of another permanant bod in the room.

Just not sure how long I leave it befre deciding that this isn't the right place? Gut feeling isn't great at the moment...

OP posts:
Backtobedlam · 01/05/2012 20:18

It does sound hectic, but have they had a lot of new starters? Ds' preschool is very well managed and usually orderly, but after Easter it got a bit chaotic as lots of new children had settling in sessions, soon settled in though.

Only answer is to follow your gut instinct-I took ds our of an 'outstanding' nursery as it didn't feel right. He was much happier in the one that Ofstead rated as 'satisfactory'.

Original poster
LittleMilla · 01/05/2012 20:18

Plus I will lose the £50 registration fee, which we really cannot afford right now.

OP posts:
Geranium3 · 01/05/2012 20:24

I pesonally think that babies and toddlers under aged2 are best with a CM, if you can find a good one

pointbreak · 01/05/2012 20:24

I can see things will be hard for them with lots of new starts at one time, but that is really bad planning on their part. I know at DD's nursery they don't take on too many new starts at one time. Maybe try another half day, but you do really listen to your gut, you (and probably your DS) won't be happy otherwise, and you cant really take a risk with these sort of things.

Original poster
LittleMilla · 01/05/2012 20:29

Yup. I will see how Tuesday goes and then make a decision. I mentioned to the deputy manager that I was surprised they took so many children that were unable to self-settle - almost all ofthem are rocked to sleep and one is bounced in a chair FFS! She gave me a slightly bewildered face and said that they don't normally, but had found it hard to refuse more when they'd already taken one Hmm.

Again though, AIBU to think that children should be able to self-settle if being left at nursery? just strikes me as unfair on the children that don't need to be rocked to sleep.

OP posts:
SarkyWench · 01/05/2012 20:32

You need to find out from stadd whether this was a typical day or whether they were having 'one of those days'.

I wouldn't be happy if this is typical.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 01/05/2012 20:41

Some babies never learn to self settle until they are older, my dc1 didn't until he was 2 and a half. It wasn't because I didn't try, believe me, I tried! But it just wasn't going to happen. Turned out he has Aspergers, an although I will never know for sure if the two things are connected, I think they may be. I didn't need a nursery, but if I did and we needed me to work, do you think I should have just let my family plunge into debt because my baby couldn't self settle? Hmm

SpringHeeledJack · 01/05/2012 20:46

tbh, rocking babies to sleep, putting them down when they're ready, rather than at a fixed time (to suit the nursery) and seeing who ds prefers before they allocate a key worker all sound like plus points to me

legobuilder · 01/05/2012 20:46

I cannot imagine having to get a bunch of one year olds to sleep and take my hat off to them.

dribbleface · 01/05/2012 20:48

I second that you could have just been there on one of them days............been a nursery nurse for too many years to mention and these days always seem to come when you have a new parent in the room! As for self settling................well many many parents don't and therefore the nursery staff have to try to help that child settle to sleep in the same way they do at home...........once established into the nursery you can usually help them to self settle a bit.

I would see how things are next time, can you arrange more settling in visits for this week and monday to reassure you?

Original poster
LittleMilla · 01/05/2012 20:49

As controversial as it may be, if you know that you'll need to go back to work, then you work damn hard to get them sleeping. outraged your DC sounds like the exception and I appreciate that it's unrealistic for all DC to be doing it. I don't believe that all of the kids at this nursery have Aspergers though!

But also irritates me slightly because I know my DS is likely to suffer as the carers are all busy rocking babies off to sleep!

I am doing unpaid work BTW. So this isn't even a case where I need to be working. I just thought it might be nice for DS to have some time playing with other children his age whilst I exercise my brain wokring with my step-mum.

OP posts:
pointbreak · 01/05/2012 20:49

lego I know. The thought of that always brings me out in a sweat and one of the reasons I could never ever work in a nursery.

Nomoocluck · 01/05/2012 20:49

Should children going to nursery be able to self settle? It certainly wasn't something raised by the nurseries I went to look at. I would have thought that a nursery should be able to look after a child according to their individual needs at that age.

membrillo · 01/05/2012 20:52

I think it's more important that if a baby can't self settle, staff take the time to help them get off to sleep- babies need sleep to grow and be healthy!

Original poster
LittleMilla · 01/05/2012 20:52

Just re-reading, I don't want to get lynched by those whose DC don't self settle. I was just Shock that DS was in the minority. But then thought about it and realised that he's likely to be left on his own a lot whilst they take it in turns to rock the others off..

Thanks spring good to know there might be some pluses!! Wink

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 01/05/2012 20:52

OP, if you're not doing paid work, then don't leave him anywhere near that nursery.

I was going to say that a lovely childminder is great if you have to go back to work. You don't have to so you certainly don't have to accept substandard care for your child.

membrillo · 01/05/2012 20:54

I'm assuming this is your first child?

Some babies don't self-settle, some babies barely even sleep. They're all different!

Rubirosa · 01/05/2012 20:57

Lots of babies don't self-settle, and lots who do won't at nursery. Do you really think nurseries should refuse to settle babies?

If there are 9 babies in a room, and 5 are new, then nap time is going to be hectic.

membrillo · 01/05/2012 20:57

Please don't take that the wrong way btw, sounded patronising Blush

I just meant I have a child who never sleeps, and one that sleeps like a dream (mind you, that one doesn't eat....)

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