to tell my husband not to tell our 2 yr old to shut up

[Paulacarl]

Just had an argument with my husband who claims its totally fine to tell our 2 yr old little boy to shut up. I think we don't want him saying it so shouldn't say it to him. Also, its disrespectful. He wouldn't say that to a colleague, to a friend etc so shouldn't talk like that to a toddler. Seems blindingly obvious to me but he reacted as if I was saying something totally mind-boggling.

Aibu?

YANBU - and when your DS tells your DH to shut up he cant complain.

My DH does this and I tell him off.......not a good example to set!

we dont use those words... shut up

but we do say... thats enough of that now... lets do this instead
and then divert the activity.

Shut up is like a slap in the face and is very emotive.

A two year old child is not a friend or a colleague. Children do sometimes need to be quiet, and need to understand what "be quiet" means.

I would say yabu.

'Shut up' is aggressive and should not be said to a toddler. YANBU. I would be VERY upset if anyone said this to my 2yo.

On second thoughts, it should not be said to anyone. It's rude and aggressive and disrespectful.

YANBU.

disrespectful to tell a child to shut up???

My mother regularly told me to "will you bloody shut up for five minutes" when I was a kid.. so did my dad, and so did my teachers.... I was a rather chatty child!... it didnt do me any psychological long term harm...

YANBU

We don't say it to out DC and likewise they're not allowed to say it. Have got a friend who says it to her DS constantly and I can't stand it IMO it sounds really aggressive.

There a many other gentler ways to get a toddler to pipe down. Shut up is rude and abrupt and setting the child up to think its perfectly acceptable to say it back.

Aggressive?

Surely that is depending on tone and context

'shut up bitch'
Is very different
'aw shut up for 5 secs while I finish my phonecall'

Yes, its disrespectful! I'm no lentil weaver, but I believe children deserve respect as much as any other member of the human race. For me telling anyone to shut up is disrespectful.

You can get the sentiment of 'shut up' across to a toddler without using that actual phrase, which I agree is incredibly rude and aggressive. A toddler will repeat what he hears, so unless you want your child telling his teachers, friends etc to shut up too, best to find another way to express yourself. If you think telling someone else to shut up is acceptable, then go ahead - I personally don't.

We don't say shut up here either. We ask DD to shush or to be quiet instead.

YANBU I don't like "shut up". He's not setting a good example there is he, "be quite please" is the way to go.

You speak to a child how you are happy to be spoken to. There isn't a kid language and an adult language. He won't learn to say, can you wait a minute I'm playing with my trucks if you say Shut Up when you're on the phone. ffs.

YANBU

Plenty of ways to make/suggest a toddler be quiet when necessary without using rudeness.

YANBU. I hate it. My rule of thumb is you shouldn't use words to your kids that you wouldn't want them using in school. DD is very persistent though and even if she knows you are listening to somthing specific on radio or talking to someone she will still talk and demand attention. She did this to DH at weekend. Despite repeated requests she wouldn't stop and he ended up telling her to shut up. I pulled him upon it and he later apologised for it. We continue to strive for perfect parenthood!

No it's awful, it just sounds wrong when said to a toddler or child. DP and I have shouted, 'shut up' twice to our 4 year old and have both felt terrible about it.

Yanbu, it's too aggressive.

I strive to say "Be quiet dear" to my 4yo but the occasional "Shaddap!" does pop out.

YADNBU, i hate, hate, HATE it when dh says this to dh.
What is wrong with 'be quite'?
It is so rude, and aggressive, i wouldn't want a teacher or any other adult telling my child to 'shut up'.
If he doesn't listen then i change my tone of voice and use short sharp voice, ' i. have. just. asked. you. to. be. quite. please.'
I sometimes use the 'stare' to, for effect, the above works everytime.

Why don't you use shut up everytime your dh makes a noise, see how he likes it.

I don't like shut up either. And if you say it, it's hard to tell them off when they say it

My DD2 (9) now says "Oh for goodness sakes, give it a rest won't you?" I wonder where she got that from

Thanks. Was wondering if I was just out of step. Said to him that I wouldn't have it if a teacher told one of my children to shut up and he thought I was being ludicrous.

"Shut up" is banned in our house. My eldest is 18 - we have found other ways to express the same sentiment over the years!

Yanbu. Its a horrible thing to say to a child. And you're right you don't want them saying it to others. There are better ways of asking a child to be quiet.

I find "shut up" very rude and would be really pissed off if someone said it to me. I always ask the DCs to "be quiet" or "give it a rest" if they're being really trying.

I expect it depends on how you've been brought up yourself. My parents never swore at me, or around me and didn't use phrases like "shut up" or (my pet hate) "get here". Both show a lack of respect and, IMO, a lack of self-respect, particuarly when shouted in public.