to tell my husband not to tell our 2 yr old to shut up

[Paulacarl]

Just had an argument with my husband who claims its totally fine to tell our 2 yr old little boy to shut up. I think we don't want him saying it so shouldn't say it to him. Also, its disrespectful. He wouldn't say that to a colleague, to a friend etc so shouldn't talk like that to a toddler. Seems blindingly obvious to me but he reacted as if I was saying something totally mind-boggling.

Aibu?

It all depends how it is said, I generally don't mind it at all, it doesn't have to be aggressive or rude. I wouldn't bat an eyelid at a child saying it to me if they just said lightheartedly "Mum will you shut up for a minute I'm trying to concentrate", I might say it to them too. Only bad if it is made that way by tone of voice, context etc.

I'm sure a gentle Shut up is harmless.

But personally I'd save it, for when they are six and know they are being a pain.

You will need your best aggressive "Shut up" for 6 am and when you are on the phone. Don't waste it on a Toddler for whom talking is all new and exciting.

"Shut up" is harsh but comparing a toddler to a friend or colleague is ridiculous - would you send your colleague to sit in the naughty corner?

Kayano is right, it depends on the tone.

I don't much like "shut up" myself, but it's certainly possible to say it in a non-aggressive - even an affectionate - way.

And it's certainly possible to say "WOULD you please be quiet!" in a very cold and aggressive way.

Its the wording I would find inappropriate. At that age "daddys talking please wait" "put a sock in it" or "please be quiet" are much more appropriate.

I agree. Every time your dh says anything you don't want to listen to, or interrupts you at all, tell him to shut up. (Out of dc earshot).
There are much better ways to speak to dc. "Please be quiet, mummy/daddy is busy right now" is generally used here. Although admittedly, the very occasional loud "Just SHUUUUSSSSSSHHH" comes out :(

"Shut it, shortarse".

^ joke!

And, I would love to be able to put colleagues in the naughty corner!!

YANBU.

Would your DH be fine with your DS saying it back to him or another adult/child? That's exactly what will happen if he continues to say it.

He is unreasonable, it is a rude and unpleasant thing to say.

its not something i have ever said to either ds or ds. so yanbu

I'm constantly saying stop screeching, shouting etc. shut up doesn't really tell your little one what you want them do.

I usually say 'be quiet' or 'quiet please' although it does depend on the tone.

If your DH says 'shut up' to your kids it wont be long before they turn round and say it back to him!

Whats a matter you.... hey..... gotta no respect....hey ... why you look so sad hey its a not so bad ah shut uppa your face...
Always springs to mind when people say shut up sorry

I don't like it, I usually say be quiet please (but occasionally shout shut up!)

YANBU, each to their own but we use "be quiet" here as well.

"Enough now" is used in this house.

If you're telling him not to say it, that's kind of shutting him up too.

Maybe you should discuss together - as equals - what the two of you think is appropriate language for telling off the kids.

It's not nice. Very aggressive but to a certain extent it depends on how it was said. I have said it a few times when driven to distraction but I wouldn't defend myself if anyone had called me on it. 'Please be quiet' or 'Let's have a bit of hush !!' or even 'Shhhhhhh!' would be better.

Imagine your child saying it back to you, or another child. That's what will happen, and it isn't nice. YANBU

And I agree with this from startail:

"But personally I'd save it, for when they are six and know they are being a pain.

You will need your best aggressive "Shut up" for 6 am and when you are on the phone. Don't waste it on a Toddler for whom talking is all new and exciting"

To me it's about the attitude behind telling a 2 year old to shut up.

valium i use that to :D

YANBU. It's disrespectful and unnecessary. I just ask DD to be quiet please.