To think if more people were open about Some mental health issues it would help a great deal

[Kayano]

Just pondering really (not a tread about a thread but inspired by one)

I used to work in a shop and one day worked with another lady. I had one of those bosses who disliked young staff so it was always
'Kayano I need you to do x, y z'
'joyce would you like a cuppa'
'Kayano why isn't a,b,c done?!'

Errr because I was doing x, y, z

'just make sure it's done'
While clinking teacups with Joyce.

So I was on edge all the time anyway about not being liked even though I tried.

There was another woman... We will call her Mary. Mary would question me constantly over and over again about money. Not my money but shop money.

I would take a £20 note for a newspaper for example and issue change. Mary would be over to me in a shot
'what did you do with the £20?'
'I put it in the till'
'are you sure you took that £20?'
'yes I did'
'you haven't left it lying around or not put it in till?'

I often felt like 'FFS WOMAN I have not put it in my pocket it's in the MOFO TILL!' (not that I ever said this...

It got my back up because she used to do this in front of the boss who didn't much like me anyway and his eyebrow would always be up and staring at me. He started to double check the tills despite being cashed up correctly and having the exact money they should while I was there. My mum worked there too and this never happened so she wasn't happy and I soon left.

I honestly thought Mary was mean and a stirrer who was determined to get NE in trouble or sacked! I actually told my mother I hated her and she was making my life a misery at work. (it wasn't just money it was everything)

My mum later starts working with Mary and the same thing starts. Mum has a word. Turns
Out Mary had severe OCD. (I would recognise signs now but I hadn't heard of it then) and was diagnosed and everything.

I just thought there are so many mental health issues that are hidden away and people think of them as bad and shameful and it's a shame. I Mary had actually told me I would have been more understanding and not so upset and feeling victimised at work. My boss might have been more understanding and not always checking my till loads. I wouldn't have resented Mary.

It just made the whole situation worse. She knew she was doing it as I said a few times 'why are you asking again?' 'I PROMISE the money is where it should be...' etc

I know some people would find it hard to admit to some issues but honestly I just wish I'd known. I quit my job (for a better one as it turned out) and my mum was put in a terrible position over it :(

So AIBU to think openness in some situations such as this would be a good thing?

On MN

I'm surprised (but I don't read all the boards admittedly)

It's just genuinely such a hard situation to be in. I suppose I don't really open up to people about my anxiety if I have to so I'm in no place to judge.

It's horrid isn't it?

People also think it's perfectly OK to start talking about you ability to parent and how your illness effects your DC where they wouldn't dare think to ask anyone else such personal questions to anyone else.

to ask anyone else such personal questions to anyone else. ?

Yar Babooshka, They got what you meant. :o

Kayano - I am new here, but I am not surprised. Although I haven't seen anyone using the knowledge of depression against someone, it is clear from some comments that some posters have a pretty negative or stereotypical view of Mental Health problems.

I agree with the op that having the full facts and some understanding of where people are coming from makes things easier - not just in a MH capacity. It won't stop the bullying and the people being unpleasant, but allowances and lee way can be given.

Rather give colleagues the facts than let them pass judgement on what they 'think' you have ...

Difficult - I have had MH issue in the past, severe anxiety, PND and generalised depression. I don't wear a badge saying that i suffer from MH issues, as it is not relevant to most of the people i have interactions with. It is a bit like saying, "my name is boring and i don't much like ham" . However I will openly discuss it with folk, even if we have just met and it comes up in conversation for some reason.

I don't think "mary's" OCD was the reason for her behaviour towards you, it wasn't just her you had the issue with - i just think that they weren't being very friendly. I would have felt shite about it too if i were you.

I think the thing is that people are scared of mental health issues; admitting you have one is seen as a 'weakness' by many (my MIL springs to mind). therefore if you were 'stronger' you wouldnt have the issue... buck up old girl, stiff upper lip and all that. total crap!

Yes OP, I had posters who knew my family troubles and my history of depression (hence I now no longer 'befriend' Mumsnetters) who, on debates would post things like "are you feeling ok today rhubarb? Only your posts aren't making a lot of sense" or "look, you're going through a rough time, I think you ought to leave this thread". There were also snide comments about my brother (who tried to kill himself) and how I was incapable of holding together a reasoned debate because of my state of mind.

Don't ask me who they were.

I once contributed to a thread in AIBU (I think) where most posters were saying how lazy and selfish people with depression are and how they should sort themselves out and stop upsetting everyone else. So I started an admittedly rather ill-tempered response to that in MH. One of the posters followed me and told me off again - saying she'd have more sympathy if I was actually doing something about it and not just feeling sorry for myself - without having any idea what I was doing about it. It's not an isolated incident either.

Rhubarb and Orm - They both sound awful.

I had never once had anyone judge me on MN because of my mental illness. In fact Ive had a huge amount of support.

RL is quite different though. After I spent a period in a psychiatric hospital one of ds's friends parents wouldn't allow him to come to our house any more.

Before I posted on MN, I watched who was repeatedly making unnecessary rude comments to people.I made a list of those names,and then didnt take any notice of what they posted after that.

I do think some people in RL are actually just ignorant of the issues, and would act completely different if they understood better.

But EVERYONE knows that depression is just having a cup of tea and good cry .... The millions of AD prescriptions handed out on the NHS is just a ploy to keep the lazy on benefits or incapacity ...

(heavy sarcasm .....)

I had a period of Psychosis but I think a lot of people in rl muddled that word up with psychotic and thought I must have been running around with a big knife.

I actually just forgot I'd had a baby and thought dh had been having a affair and brought his love child home for me to look after. It's almost funny now!

I like to think of those situations as a good way of weeding out the brainless prats in my life Memoo. Your son is most defiantly better off not socializing with people with those views.

I am just coming to terms with the fact that I have a long term mental illness.

It is difficult and I am ashamed, my close friends and family know that I have spent the past 4 weeks in hospital but it is not something I will share openly. I am so ashamed that I have this thing wrong with me that I cannot stop or control. I have self harmed on my arms and so unfortunately everyone can see that I have had problems when I wear short sleeves.

I think with mental health problems there is often an underlying feeling of people thinking 'if you just do this you will be fine.' Part of that is fear, it is scary to think that you too could have a mental health problem so you put barriers / reasons in the way as to why it couldn't possibly happen to you. I find it totally weird how I feel about my self in terms of suicide and self harm, it is beyond me - but I can see how people might things well I do x,y, and z so I will never do what fluffy does.

I also find comparisons to physical illnesses unhelpful, my illness is not just chemical, it is not like a broken leg where I have a plaster cast and take painkillers and then I am ok. There is an expectation with mental health issues that a tablet and therapy will 'fix' you and it is quite an external experience. Therapy involves difficult times and hard work, it is not done to you (like an operation or a treatment) it is something you take part in and that is very different I think.

This is off topic, but I suppose, why should I be open? The reactions are upsetting, you get rather trite advice (have you tried exercise? um, no shit), and people make assumptions about you. It is hard enough existing at the moment without justifying myself and my behaviours so other people can feel better.

I take anti depressenats and have seen a shrink. Best thing I ever did and am far saner as a result. while I don't tell strangers on the street, I am more than happy to won up to it if it comes up in conversation. It's a bit like having Botox (I also do), it is just much easier when people say I am looking well to reply "that'll be the Botox" rather than having them wonder if I have or wondering why I may hastily remove myself from scary situations sometimes because of my past illness and experiences.

I'm sorry you feel ashamed Fluffy. I hope, some day, you can get past that and realize you did nothing to cause your mental illness any more than you would have done something to cause getting cancer or diabetes.

I'm not sure you really want an answer to your 'why should I be open' question, but I am going to answer it anyway. Because the more those of us with long term mental illnesses are open about having these illnesses the less upsetting reactions we will get. To steal a saying that seems to be working for another group, Be Out. Be Proud.

Seeing it as an illness helps the sufferers too. I used to think that it was all my fault, that I was a bad person to have such thoughts and why couldn't I just shake myself out of it. But I try to remember that it's an illness and just as I would not dream of putting myself through gastric flu without medication and a lot of TLC, I should not expect myself to sail through depression either.

It is an illness, it is treatable (for the most part) and no, you can't catch it and neither can the person prevent it from happening to them. Mental illness is something that can happen to anyone from any background. I am so pleased that people like Stephen Fry and Ruby Wax have admitted to their depression as it blows apart the myth that clever and confident people don't suffer.

Celebrities have some power to change peoples perception but there will still be those who see it as the latest craze or an attention seeking fad.

Yes TheRhubarb, that does make sense. I am still struggling with it not being my fault I think, especially because they think I have a personality disorder which is not chemical in origin so that is hard to live with.

I do think it is helpful for people to understand that like other illnesses it needs treatment - I had not really thought of it like that :)

It definately helps for people to see that 'normal' people have mental health problems, the stereotype is people who cannot hold down a job, who cannot look after themselves or their home (unless they have OCD and then let the sterotypes about cleaning begin!), and they are very unstable. The reality is far from that. It is so difficult when people say to me 'but you are such a nice intelligent girl' yes I might be, but I can still be unwell and all of those nice things!

YABU. Agree with Lovelynewboots "If someone has mental health issues it is absolutely nobody elses business. It may have made your life easier but would not have made hers easier. You just have to keep an open mind about people as you go through life."

I think there has been a lot of positive development in this area.

For instance I recently hired someone who I am guessing is on the autistic spectrum (he hinted at it in his CV)
That didnt put me off but I am aware that I can say some things to other people that I cant to him. He also has an unreal eye for detail which makes my life a lot easier.
We also recently did business with a consultant who had some social issues, we acknowledged this amongst ourselves and hire him and moved on. The point is that that level doesnt really matter.

However my brother is schizophrenic, he is doing really well but he cannot and will not ever disclose this in an interview as people have such negative perceptions.

I like this post. I also have a nice big group of MH issues in my, rather tiny, little head!

It's a very hard one to have an open conversation about because people can be so uncomfortable with it - including the people with MH issues.

MH can make you a bit of a jerk. Also you can just be a jerk that happens to have a coincidental MH problem. There's also a sliding scale of ''acceptable'' mental illness I've found.

As depression has become more commonly diagnosed/suffered/talked about there is more understanding - is it great, no but it's getting there. But there are the dyed in the wool ideas too:

Schizophrenia - sick, dangerous people one wrong look away from killing someone.

OCD - Get over yourself, clean freak.

Separation anxiety - mollycoddling hippys making a problem for little Jimmy (TheRhubarb - I'm sorry to hear about your son's treatment, it must be a difficult and rage making time for you - I want to give people a slap for you!)

Anxiety disorders - grow up, time someone stops being a drama queen.

And it goes on - its a difficult dialogue to start because if you feel on a bad footing because of your illness and face opinions like that you don't always have the capacity to fight your corner, explain, educate etc and why is it your job to teach people? Nobody questions my Crohns disease or infertility (well, in the same way ahem) but because my brain is broken I have to justify why and educate adults that it's wrong to treat people badly because of an illness?

I understand why people don't want to lay bare some personal info that could be due to some very personal events in their life to assauge another person's curiosity or give them a reason to be nice to you and treat you kindly. It can make things worse.

I get a right dick on when my ovaries are playing up and it can affect others however much I try to keep myself in check - but nobody delves deeper than women's problems, they don't need to hear 'ovarian cyst' failed cycle, fibroids whatever. So why can't I just say I'm having a difficult day with my MH - why do they need to know the ins and outs?

I don't care personally but some people feel really ashamed. I was abused as a child - I will talk about it as I am healed and I know the shame lies with him not me. Likewise the ''shame'' of mental health lies with others not me but although many people would be understanding some people treat you like you are one step away from axe murdering their children or will come after them with a letter opener - it's not worth the potential pain and setback for some people depending what stage their at at their treatment. I totally get it.

Also just read posts I didn't see when typing. I'm appalled but not surprised people use mh to devalue the worth or validity of you or your opinions. Some people are pretty fucking scummy actually.

Also I'm having a really good run at the moment but that doesn't mean I've forgotten those times. How can I? So if you've never got there - you can feel whole and well and happy. It's hard, sometimes too much but you can do it.
If you have been there - you will be again. You can do it.

We can all do it because we are not alone - someone knows how you feel and can help get you back to the light again. The isolation is a lie. Reach out and somebody will take your hand. God knows I needed the stranger on the internet that saved me...they knew and I had never felt so understood. I'd never felt visible.

And explain that to someone that already thinks you're a looney!

IDK Just because I have mental health issues I don't think I need to lay bare my personal history to people that I don't trust not to hurt me with that level of information - in a job interview I don't want to have to bring up my MH history and being raped and abused as a child - it's horrific and I say that from a place of being alright. If I had been raped in a car park would I have to disclose that? Or a genetic condition causing personality disorder? What if it was congenital disease that didn't show? Nope but you are fair game and a big target because you just need to stop being a pussy. Sometimes I can be out and proud (fab!) sometimes it makes me want to crawl off and literally just die. Have we not got enough to deal with?