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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to NOT make my DH a.....

44 replies

MadameChinLegs · 30/04/2012 22:08

....packed lunch each day for work?

I dont think Ive ever made DH a packed lunch to take to work. I get (got, am currently on maternity leave) free meals at work so wasn't making one for myself so it's not as if I'm just making my own (which I accept may well be a little U).

Now I am on Mat Leave I, again, do not make them. If I am in the kitchen doing bottles etc I have maybe once or twice asked if he wants me to knock him up a bit of dinner for work, to which he has refused, and if we have leftovers I tub these up into the fridge so if he wants he can take those. He seems to be more than happy to make his own.

I am only considering whether I am BU as SIL twitters on a LOT about doing X,Y and Z for 'the hubby' and had said how he had asked for a certain type of sandwich for work and she had made a different one. I responded that he should make his won the lazy bugger to which she responded " Shock no way, I have to take care of my husband" and her DH piped up with "what a good little wifey" as this was all on FB (IABU for even using that ghastly site) I responded with "hehehe, this is what FB would be like if it were around in the 50's".

But it got me thinking.....should I do it? Is it actually bad of me, as the person who stays at home (currently) to not send the WOHP off to work with a packed lunch?

Surely IANBU to not make them. Should add, though that as I do the shopping I obviously buy the stuff for DH to make them. Im not heartless.

OP posts:
Teeb · 30/04/2012 22:15

No. Your husband doesn't want you to, you don't want to so don't do it.

Your SIL wants to do it, your SIL's DH wants her to do it, so it gets done.

Everyone has their own relationship and what occurs within it is absolutely up to them. Pretty simple really.

iloveACK · 30/04/2012 22:16

What Teeb said!

Pastabee · 30/04/2012 22:17

YANBU. I sometimes make lunch for DH, he sometimes does it for me. Other times we both buy lunch.

I don't think I'd like your SIL very much... For starters the phrase 'hubby' makes me stabby.

tentative123 · 30/04/2012 22:18

Dh downstairs as I type making his work lunch. He just offered to make me a tea tray for the morning so I don't have to go downstairs before first feed Smile

Nah, you don't have to do anything, but it's good if you help each other out to suit you both. We laugh cos I used to jokingly say if he proposed and we got hitched id make his lunch everyday like a good wife and I virtually never have, he's done mine a million times more (before my mAt leave). Happy days!

ItWasThePenguins · 30/04/2012 22:19

I make my Dh sandwiches because i want to look after him any way i can. Mostly just after on mat leave, occasionally before.

It depends on your relationship. He cooks dinner when he's off.

WorraLiberty · 30/04/2012 22:20

I think you know YANBU if you and your DH are happy the way you do things...it's' no-one's business.

YABU to start telling your SIL what she should be doing for exactly the same reason.

If they're happy, then butt out.

Lovelynewboots · 30/04/2012 22:20

YANBU, my DP makes his own pack up and my kids also when they have packed lunches. I bloody hate making sandwiches but I cook the tea. You have a baby, you've got enough to do.

Mrsjay · 30/04/2012 22:21

I dont put enough butter on his sandwhiches so he makes his own Im a slap on slap off kinda girl Grin but you dont have to do anything just because you feel you have to , do it if you like but it doesnt make you an awful wife ,

timetosmile · 30/04/2012 22:22

YOU DON'T MAKE HIS SANDWICHES??? WHAT KIND OF A WIFE ARE YOU???

Smile sweetly at SIL then get on with your breadless (but presumably not loveless) marriage and enjoy your life together. Smile

Original poster
MadameChinLegs · 30/04/2012 22:24

Pastabee ne'er has one woman made me feel more stabby than her, which is a shame as she is in all a very nice person. She just has 'was' about her.

Glad it doesnt make me a brute.

I do cook dinner every night and usually do a mean breakfast on a weekend.

OP posts:
Original poster
MadameChinLegs · 30/04/2012 22:25

I know, timetosmile and I expect him to iron his own clothes. I am not fit for this world.

OP posts:
PleaseChooseAnotherNN · 30/04/2012 22:30

My poor deprived dp makes his own lunch, irons his own clothes and cooks tea every night.

Yanbu

MrsTerryPratchett · 30/04/2012 22:33

My DH makes mine for me almost every day. He likes to make his so it's no effort to make me some. I had a ham, mustard and love sandwich for lunch today. And, he irons his own shirts. I must be a terrible wife.

skateboarder · 30/04/2012 22:33

I dont think i've ever made my dh his pack up to take to work. [Blush]
He on the other hand does make mine and often leaves me a sandwich in the fridge on my days off.
He also does the dc's lunchboxes when they need them.
I know i am lucky but we do work well as a team with each of us specialising in certain areas!

McHappyPants2012 · 30/04/2012 22:35

yanbu, i never do DH sandwiches.

i think my mum is nuts getting up at 5am to do my dad

BorisJohnsonsHair · 30/04/2012 22:37

My DH hates me making his sandwiches. I never put enough filling in on purpose apparently, so he prefers to make his own Grin. Suits me.

minibird69 · 30/04/2012 22:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mangomadness · 30/04/2012 22:57

I started my mat leave 2 weeks ago, I still don't make his lunch. He wouldn't want me to, he wants me to rest. We've muddled along for the last 3 years like this. I sometimes make his lunch, but like you if there's leftovers I bung them in a tub and he takes them the next day for lunch. I guess that some women like doing it. What works for some doesn't work for others. Such as me shock horror not taking my husband's surname when we married, I didn't want to as I'd already changed my name, and he respects that....others don't understand it.

Naoko · 30/04/2012 23:03

Nope, not unreasonable. In the 5 years we've cohabited I've made DP exactly one packed lunch for work - when he was running late through no fault of his own on a day where it was really, really important he be on time, so I helped out - that's normal and he'd do the same for me. Other than that he makes his own. I do the weekly shop, so I ask him if there's anything he fancies for work lunches before I go, but that's as far as my involvement goes.

CailinDana · 30/04/2012 23:07

It wouldn't even occur to me to make sandwiches for my DH. Of course, if he asked me to and there was some reason why he couldn't do it I would, but otherwise we both sort ourselves out during the week for lunch and we share cooking in the evenings and at weekends.

Minx179 · 30/04/2012 23:17

DH is capable of making his own sandwiches, wouldn't consider making them for him.

A woman I work with makes her DH's though, she also put's his sandwiches and briefcase into the car for him.

Pandemoniaa · 30/04/2012 23:21

DP (and every other man I've lived with) has been perfectly capable of making their own sandwiches and has done so. I think it is the least an adult should be able to manage and apart from anything else, your own sandwiches are the best sandwiches!

Oogaballoo · 01/05/2012 08:25

YANBU to not make them.

It sounds like your sister-in-law enjoys doing things like that for her husband and taking care of him, or however it's put. It makes her happy. Don't worry that you "should" be doing it :)

Morloth · 01/05/2012 08:28

YANBU but neither is your SIL.

I make DH a sandwich because I am making DS1's anyway so it isn't any extra trouble to knock out another one since I have all the stuff out anyway. On my work days I make all three of us one.

He makes the coffees while I am doing this though so it isn't all one sided.

HazleNutt · 01/05/2012 08:42

YANBU and neither would be SIL if she didn't do the "Oh but I like to take care of my DH, unlike you, you cruel horrible wife"