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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to NOT make my DH a.....

44 replies

MadameChinLegs · 30/04/2012 22:08

....packed lunch each day for work?

I dont think Ive ever made DH a packed lunch to take to work. I get (got, am currently on maternity leave) free meals at work so wasn't making one for myself so it's not as if I'm just making my own (which I accept may well be a little U).

Now I am on Mat Leave I, again, do not make them. If I am in the kitchen doing bottles etc I have maybe once or twice asked if he wants me to knock him up a bit of dinner for work, to which he has refused, and if we have leftovers I tub these up into the fridge so if he wants he can take those. He seems to be more than happy to make his own.

I am only considering whether I am BU as SIL twitters on a LOT about doing X,Y and Z for 'the hubby' and had said how he had asked for a certain type of sandwich for work and she had made a different one. I responded that he should make his won the lazy bugger to which she responded " no way, I have to take care of my husband" and her DH piped up with "what a good little wifey" as this was all on FB (IABU for even using that ghastly site) I responded with "hehehe, this is what FB would be like if it were around in the 50's".

But it got me thinking.....should I do it? Is it actually bad of me, as the person who stays at home (currently) to not send the WOHP off to work with a packed lunch?

Surely IANBU to not make them. Should add, though that as I do the shopping I obviously buy the stuff for DH to make them. Im not heartless.

OP posts:

noinspiration · 01/05/2012 08:48

Does it really matter how other people run their households? Does it make your SIL somehow lacking because she makes packed lunches? Or you because you don't? No, it doesn't, everyone does things the way that works for them.

Or maybe she is a natural 'feeder'. Our office had one once - a very skinny woman who baked cakes for us all the time (and made her DH a packed lunch every day)

blackteaplease · 01/05/2012 08:49

YANBU.

pre dd we would both take a paked lunch and whoever wasn't doing the dishes would sort it. Now I am too lazy and buy my lunch and DH gets free lunches.

We do still take fruit etc and the same rules apply, DG sorted it this morning while I was dressing dd.

emsyj · 01/05/2012 08:51

I told DH I would be a model wife on mat leave and keep an immaculate home, a well-stocked fridge and make his butties for work every day. I did none of those things. He hasn't left yet!

He did make me a packed lunch (for myself and the model) when I went on an all-day photo shoot last week. He mostly does the cooking (he's good at it and likes it) but he is rubbish at doing housework and I do all the washing and ironing.

Swings & roundabouts, innit?

blackteaplease · 01/05/2012 08:57

Actually, when I was first on mat leave. DH used to leave me a sandwich in the fridge and a banana by the bed while I was asleep as I was struggling to make food with a velcro baby.

tanfastic · 01/05/2012 08:59

I only make my husband sarnies if I'm making them for myself. Sometimes I don't always do that. He never offers to make mine so why should I make his?

NeedlesCuties · 01/05/2012 09:06

I'm just a bit as to why she Twitter's about making her DH sandwiches.

Surely that is the most boring topic for Twitter, ever!? Or maybe I just don't understand it.

As for whether or not YABU. No, I don't think you are. Your DH is a grown man who said he's happy to make his own sandwiches, therefore let him :)

DH makes his own for work each day and I'm a SAHM. I must be really rubbish in the mind of your SIL. I do all the shopping so there actually is food in the fridge, so I don't think I mistreat DH too badly.

Tee2072 · 01/05/2012 09:10

I started making my husband's lunch when I was on maternity leave because he would take a son into the bedroom with him to give me a break before he left for work. So I'd spend 5 minutes throwing a sandwich together and get 30 minutes of peace to drink some coffee in my baby filled day.

Now that I only work part time I still do it. I don't mind.

WhispersOfWickedness · 01/05/2012 09:12

Am at noinspiration's office feeder, can she stop at mine on the way to work?

OP, to echo everyone else, YANBU and neither is your SIL

DogEared · 01/05/2012 09:14

Hmm. You're not BU not to make your H's lunch, but you are being VU to judge your SIL for doing so.
I make my H sandwiches every single day. I am a SAHM who works from home when the children are asleep. I have been told that I am an anti-feminist for doing this, and for making dinner every night, and for making him a cup of tea when he gets in. But I'm not. I don't feel I have to do it, I want to, and I should be allowed to make the choice without feeling like I'm letting down the sisterhood.
I'm not making him his lunch because I'm a woman and he's a man, I'm making him lunch because I love him and I am a feeder :o
Live and let live OP

Tee2072 · 01/05/2012 09:17

Well said Dog. That's the true definition of feminism.

Longdistance · 01/05/2012 09:30

Omg! I thought I was the only wifey that never made her dh sandwiches/lunches shrugs Guess I'm not alone then :)
The one and only time I did, he complained, so said 'do it yourself then' can't be doing with that moaning and whining from a bloke, bad enough from my 2 dd's. He did once mention that some work colleagues wife made his sandwiches 4 him, lucky she doesn't wipe his arse 2!
Dh can choose what he wants, and sometimes there are left overs from dinner, which he pops in a container, and then microwaves at work feed the 5,000 here
So YADNBU in my eyes!!!!

Original poster

MadameChinLegs · 01/05/2012 09:36

Do I am not judging sil....if anything I am judging myself really (i.e. should I be doing it am I bu by not)

OP posts:

Original poster

MadameChinLegs · 01/05/2012 09:36

Dog, not do

OP posts:

BiddyPop · 01/05/2012 12:13

I make my own lunch most days. Occasionally DH makes it for me (but I have salad so peeling of carrots etc is required).

Whoever is in the kitchen doing washup rather than bedtime tends to be the one making DD's lunch. Usually, whoever does that will do DH's lunch. Sometimes I do DDs lunch while he washes up and he will say he'll make his own.

But whenever he is away, he darn well organises his own as I am NOT sending sambos all the way to South Africa for him!!

To be fair, I rarely have to do any ironing as he took over the whole job (rather than just his own shirts) when DD was born 6 years ago. (And now, I tend to save it up for when he is home from SA - how bold am I??!!)

AngelWreakinHavoc · 01/05/2012 12:17

I always make my oh sandwiches. He is working in a van all day and he is busy. If I ever dont make his lunch (through fallouts and being stubborn mainly) which is very rare he would rather starve than go buy something!

Yanbu though, Each to their own. if he has never had it then he wont miss it!

MrsHoarder · 01/05/2012 13:12

YANBU - on maternity leave and DH brings me tea to drink in bed whilst he makes his lunch. When I worked he always made mine because I'm slow in thw morning and often ran out of time.

DogEared · 01/05/2012 13:24

I think that by typing on her facebook that this was facebook from the 50s, and for saying that her H was a lazy bugger, you were being judgemental of the choices she was making. "he should make his own" - You wouldn't have said this if you weren't making the judgement, would you? And it's not up to you to say what they should or shouldn't do, is it???
Sorry, I sound so aggressive, don't I? I really don't mean it OP. It's just that I've been in her position (though I don't go into detail about the minutae of my life on social media except MN ) and I hate having to explain and defend making a bloody packed lunch for my DH...

tantrumsandballoons · 01/05/2012 13:38

I do lunch for me, DH and 2 DCs, after dinner, DH washes up and put a load of washing on.

timetosmile · 01/05/2012 13:58

We tend to work on the 'whoever's nearest the breadbin when the children have gone to bed' principle, and we've yet to starve

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