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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to to to be shocked people aren't more safety conscious with 5 year olds, or am I being over protective?

49 replies

redwineformethanks · 30/04/2012 21:14

DS is aged 5

Friend A offered to give DS a lift home even though friend A doesn't have a child car seat (I said No)

Friend B left DS and several other children of same age in a room with an open fire, with no fire guard (I didn't realise the fire was lit until I went in to the room)

AIBU to think they should be more safety conscious? I was quite shocked they were so relaxed about safety. It made me reconsider whether I'd be happy leaving DS with them again. Am I being over protective?

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 30/04/2012 21:16

No, you're not.
Madness on both counts.

TheArmadillo · 30/04/2012 21:18

I wouldn't worry about 5yos with an open fire - I'd expect them to have enough sense, though I'd appreciate that it depends on the child to a certain extent. There are one or two of ds friends at 7yo I wouldn't trust but ds would have been fine at 5yo and I would think so would most 5yos.

For a one off journey without a car seat it depends on the size of the 5yo - larger ones could get away with it. For very small 5yos it would have to be a real emergency.

monkeymoma · 30/04/2012 21:20

the fire: YABU
the car seat YAsoooNBU

Birdsgottafly · 30/04/2012 21:21

It's up to you.

I am relaxed about car seats on some journeys, for children (not babies).

I am not about fires, having had contact with people who were pernamently scarred as children and accidents happening so fast and being so unpredictable.

I wouldn't put one of risk of my DD's at risk from a bad burn.

Kayano · 30/04/2012 21:21

The fire YABU

They are 5 not 2

The carseat... Not so much

diedandgonetodevon · 30/04/2012 21:23

YANBU at all about the car seat one, but I can't see the issue with an open fire I'm afraid. We've never used fire guards.

wannaBe · 30/04/2012 21:23

I wouldn't be too concerned about either tbh. I would expect five yo's to have more sense with an open fire, and for a one off journey I wouldn't consider no carseat to be such a big deal unlesss it was a particularly long journey, but considering we're probably talking less than ten minutes I think it's fine as a one off.

MrsTerryPratchett · 30/04/2012 21:23

The fire thing isn't just about them playing with it though. I was a horribly clumsy child and could have fallen into it. Also, fire guards are there to stop embers falling out of the fire. Anyone there to oversee that?

StrandedBear · 30/04/2012 21:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SoozyWoozy · 30/04/2012 21:24

YANBU

The fire - it takes one accidental slip, fall, push and you have serious injuries.

Carseat - always, always use one. No matter how short the journey - there was a thread here recently about the same.

The risks are just too great, and I wouldn't take the risk with my DCs or my friends'.

IwishIwasmoreorganised · 30/04/2012 21:24

I would trust my 4 year old ds2 in a room with an open fire, so would be ok about that, but in a car with no car appropriate seat -no way!!

I saw an out of school club picking up several 3 and 4 year olds in their minibus today and not a car seat or booster in sight - is this allowed or should I be alerting somebody ( who?) To this?

wigglesrock · 30/04/2012 21:28

YABU with the car seat - a one off journey?, I take my almost 5 year old on the bus, no car seat there and occasionally we get a taxi somewhere. I've given a friend of my dds a lift home in the pissing rain without a carseat.

The fire, I don't know. Did your friend just pop out to get the door, go to the loo etc? Maybe she's confident of her own childens fire awareness /safety and doesn't feel the need for a guard.

Original poster
redwineformethanks · 30/04/2012 21:28

*IwishIwasmoreorganised" - I think you definitely should report that. Maybe it's allowed, but if not, parents who trust the out of school club should be able to trust them to do it properly. I'd start with local authority. I would guess they need some sort of licence? or the school where they were collecting?

OP posts:
NellyTheElephant · 30/04/2012 21:29

Possibly a bit over protective. Re the car seat thing, it does depend on the arrangement in the car. by law I think a child over 3 is permitted to be in a car without a booster seat if a third car seat does not fit across the back of the car. We have this quite a lot as we can't fit 3 seats in the back and so when I have a full car load I have quite often had to have a child in the back without a seat for short hops eg home from school and have done so since 3 or 4 - I would however put the friend's child on the booster seat and mine without as I judge the risk to be v small, and make that decision for my child which may well be what friend A intended to do. Re the open fire - I never leave a fire unattended with children in case it spits mainly. However I would completely trust my 5 yr old not to do anything stupid herself, she's just not like that (not my 7 yr old or 3 yr old though) so maybe friend B has a very reliable child and so safety concerns aren't so flagged up in her mind (can't get round the thought of it spitting though however reliable the child so yes, that is v irresponsible - unless v wide hearth I suppose)

Birdsgottafly · 30/04/2012 21:31

How many boys could you leave unattended in a room, though and shoving or pushing wouldn't happen?

Even a game of catch can result in going into the fire, especially if a child is only used to radiators and not being aware of a proper fire.

MirandaGoshawk · 30/04/2012 21:32

The fire - YANBU. My mother was seriously burned at age 11 when she and a friend were larking about and she fell on the fire.

Car seat? Age 5? Wouldn't bother me. Sorry.

LynetteScavo · 30/04/2012 21:33

YANBU.

But then I stuck my hand in an open fire, to find out just how hot it was when I was 6. Hmm

With the fire, it would depend on the size of the room, the number of DC, if the DC understood about it, and if they were being calm, as to how concerned I was about the situation. (I don't trust 5 year old or teenagers not to push each other into the road/ a fire).

The no car seat is a massive no from me, unless a dire emergency.

muffinflop · 30/04/2012 21:34

I don't think YABU about the fire due to the fact that you say there were several other children of the same age in the room. Kids push each other, trip over each other etc and it could have ended badly.

Original poster
redwineformethanks · 30/04/2012 21:37

Friend A - Car seat - not an emergency, just a lift home to save us walking 10minutes home. There is space for a car seat, they just don't have a spare (no reason why they should).

Friend B - Fire - their child is apparently used to open fires, but they didn't think to check if mine is

I was really shocked they were both so relaxed thinking this was OK. I guess I do tend to think the worst and I couldn't forgive myself if something happened on my watch, but interesting to hear other people's views

OP posts:
SecretNutellaFix · 30/04/2012 21:39

YANBU

Nevertooearlyforcake · 30/04/2012 21:40

I'd be more uncomfortable with the fire than the car seat. I know there are very valid reason for car seats but as I spent most of my childhood upside down in the back seat with one foot out of the window which at the time was perfectly legal the odd short journey without a car seat I'm ok with if the alternatives are very difficult.

WestYorkshirePudding · 30/04/2012 22:00

So atwhat age do you stop using fire guards? Age 5, 8, 11...?

I'd be relaxed about either of these issues TBH. We have a wood burner (yes, not a real fire but extremely hot) and all the kids that come round here know that if it's burning then it will be HOT.

I have a (just) 5 year old and he's been in the car without a car seat for short journeys. A couple of times we've been at a friend's house, had a few drinks and got a taxi home. Better than walking the streets with two tired boys I think!

suzikettles · 30/04/2012 22:01

I'd not be too bothered about a car seat for a one off journey, but I'd say no if it was easy enough for me to get ds home myself.

I'd want a fireguard for the fire though. For the falling/tripping risk, not poking/messing about with it.

McHappyPants2012 · 30/04/2012 22:06

my mum used to dry all the socks on the fire guard :)

with an open fire you need a fire guard to stop the fire spitting onto the floor. i wouldn't allow my 5 year old into a car without a car seat

AllDirections · 30/04/2012 22:09

The fire would bother me but the car seat wouldn't.