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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to to to be shocked people aren't more safety conscious with 5 year olds, or am I being over protective?

49 replies

redwineformethanks · 30/04/2012 21:14

DS is aged 5

Friend A offered to give DS a lift home even though friend A doesn't have a child car seat (I said No)

Friend B left DS and several other children of same age in a room with an open fire, with no fire guard (I didn't realise the fire was lit until I went in to the room)

AIBU to think they should be more safety conscious? I was quite shocked they were so relaxed about safety. It made me reconsider whether I'd be happy leaving DS with them again. Am I being over protective?

OP posts:

DowagersHump · 30/04/2012 22:11

I always use a fireguard because of spitting logs, not so much for DS's protection. Not all fires spit though - coal is much less likely to. However, a number of 5 YOs left alone in a room is generally asking for trouble, depending on what the children were doing. Engrossed in a DVD? Probably not a big deal.

I quite often accept lifts for short journeys for me and DS from people who don't have booster seats.

So I'm a bit on the fence - it wouldn't bother me unduly but I could see why other parents would worry iyswim

MrsTerryPratchett · 30/04/2012 22:23

I wouldn't ever stop using a fire guard. They are for the fire safety of the whole family, not just the children. As people have said, they are not protecting the fire from the children, they are protecting the children from the fire. If an ember pops out onto the floor and starts smouldering, what do you want a group of five year olds to do? What do you think they will do? What do you think they might do?

RightBuggerforit · 30/04/2012 22:39

How long were they left in the room with the fire? Long enough for one of them to get curious about trying to put stuff in it (Pieces of paper/magazine etc)? Were you in the house the whole time too? Maybe they assumed you'd stay in the room with the kids?

edam · 30/04/2012 22:42

Both are stupid - an unnecessary journey without a car seat and leaving small children playing in a room with an unguarded fire. Car accidents and fires are dangerous, fgs.

Original poster

redwineformethanks · 30/04/2012 22:43

Adults were in another room. Children were watching TV. I had no idea fire was lit until I went to tell DS it was time to leave. They were there about 30 minutes. Anything could have happened. I just think it's a risk that's not worth taking.

OP posts:

blackeyedsusan · 30/04/2012 23:22

I am with you on both counts.

Softlysoftly · 01/05/2012 00:56

Why do people think there is less danger in a short journey than a long one without a carseat? I don't get it?

The one serious accident I have had was driving the 1 mile straight road from stables to home, country road, no traffic, clear weather, no seatbelt, distracted literally one second and lost control into a 6 foot ditch. Car written off and very lucky dh was with me and chucked his arm across to stop me going through the window.

Length of journey has sweet fa to do with it, I'm truly shocked at the amount of people who don't care?!

Birdsgottafly · 01/05/2012 01:30

"Why do people think there is less danger in a short journey than a long one without a carseat? I don't get it?"

It depends on where you are driving. I live in a 'rough' area, lots of police presence, Matrix vans etc, very few stolen cars, no opportunity to speed (speed bumps, lots of camera'd traffic lights). A five year old would be fine, with a seat belt on, on a short journey around my area.

I wouldn't do it, if i could avoid it, but it couldn't be classed as dangerous. I wouldn't do it in an area that i didn't know.

Thumbwitch · 01/05/2012 04:10

Actually the fire bothers me more than the carseat. I know it probably shouldn't but open fires, if they're real (coal/wood) are quite capable of suddenly spitting out large embers, which are capable of setting fire to the carpet. I have lived with an open fire my whole life and would never not have a fireguard - not so much for DS's risk, far more for setting fire to the house risk.

DS is used to an open fire but even so, if there were more children here and they were getting boisterous, I wouldn't leave them unattended with it lit for a second (even with a fireguard in place - I wouldn't even have it lit without a fireguard).

I suppose I'm slightly less bothered by the carseat because I grew up without one - but I know that it only takes one accident to change lives and if it were my DS I'd probably not have let him go in the car either.

Either way, YANBU!

Krumbum · 01/05/2012 13:32

My friend gets in taxis with her 5 month old baby sitting on her lap. I'm so surprised ppl would be bothered about a 5 year old having a car seat. I don't have kids yet so don't know whats normal lol, but I didn't sit in a car seat when I was 5.

ragged · 01/05/2012 13:36

What TheArmadillo said (& probably others said). It's your choice if you don't want your child to take those risks, but I wouldn't be appalled at the other parents' attitudes.

HeadfirstForHalos · 01/05/2012 13:43

I must be a terrible parent then, when we camp all of my dc toast their own marshmallows on an open fire with pointy sticks they were allowed to forage for themselves The youngest is 4. They also help to build and light the fire.

ConferencePear · 01/05/2012 13:47

HeadfirstForHalos, presumably when your children are toasting their marshmallows you are with them. The children in the original post were left in a room with an unguarded open fire. It only takes a push or a shove in a moment of boisterousness for a dreadful accident to occur. I'm really shocked that some people think it's OK. I thought it was illegal.

Psychopsilocybin · 01/05/2012 13:48

Wrt the fire, its not just children going to close, its also about the fire 'spitting' out hot coal. Mine used to when I lived with a friend, had terrible burn marks on the carpet (don't know if that was just my fire!). We eventually got a guard so for that reason, I don't think YABU.

Nor with the carseat.

Debsbear · 01/05/2012 13:48

I think YABU. Carseats have only been compulsary for children at age 5 for a few years and although I always make sure that my 3 year old is in one, I understand that those who have older children especially, may be more relaxed about it. They didn't take your child without your permission so YABU. I also think that YABU about an open fire. Children who are brought up with a fire learn very quickly to stay clear. If you had a gripe it should be that they didn't point out that they didn't have a guard on it. I see it as similar to a stair gate. I don't/ never have had one. Some people worry about their children on the stairs and if they do then they keep a close eye on them when they are in my house.

Bramshott · 01/05/2012 13:58

Neither of those would bother me (DD2 is 5).

mrsruffallo · 01/05/2012 14:01

I would be more concerned about the fire than the carseat.

Rowgtfc72 · 01/05/2012 17:06

Only ever used the fireguard to dry washing! Have never babyproofed the house as I wouldnt expect people we visited to have done the same so dd has learnt what to and what not to do. However not every child is the same.Would expect the adult where dd was visiting to at least keep an eye on her. As for carseats dd is 5 but as tall as a seven yr old however not at the legal height to not need a carseat. She does however have a long back so fits perfectly in an adult seatbelt. One offs are fine with us. However we have a carseat and will physically cram her into it untill we can no more as it is there for her safety.

Sookeh · 01/05/2012 17:45

I've had to go in a taxi with 4 YO DD a few times due to mobility issues. I feel like a total crap mother for it now

bearbehavinbadly · 01/05/2012 18:02

with the fire i would hope the,d have the sense not to touch it, i used fireguards when they were toddlers but after they grew up i tend to use radiators all the time, carseats is a big safety issue so stay strong in that. with kids they can tend to get giddy they could stumble towards the fire or stand near and get set a light actually i changed my mind fireguard. better to besafe than sorry.

piji · 01/05/2012 18:10

YANBU in either case.

SoupDragon · 01/05/2012 18:18

The car seat is a kind of grey area given there are occasions where it is legal to not use a seat. I would be fine about it provided my child was using a seat belt.

I wouldn't be overly bothered about the fire either.

Glittertwins · 01/05/2012 18:34

If the car is not your usual car / you don't have regular use of it, then it is not illegal to have a 5 or even 4 yr old without a booster seat. We did this once recently when it was chucking down with rain and we got a lift to nursery. My two were still belted in.
I would always have a fire guard up if I was not in the room myself. Our open fire at home always spat coal/embers, particularly if the coal was quite gassy. We had several scorch marks a good 6 inches away from a foot deep stone hearth.

jellybeans · 01/05/2012 19:38

YANBU. I didn't let my boys go to a house once aged 4 when the parents didn't use seat belts etc. Same for people who let their kids play out or walk back on own at very young ages. I also made excuses if I didn't feel comfy with arrangements. They were older when I left them with people who were less safety conscious. Because I knew them well, my girls I was less strict as they were sensible. DS2 had a horrible accident once when I let him do something against my gut as everyone else was and it was a group of kids together messing about. I thought we had lost him, it was hell. It is so not worth it. If you don't feel totally safe make excuses. Go with your gut.

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