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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not allow mixed sleepovers?

53 replies

seedlessgrape · 30/04/2012 15:52

My DD (12 going on 21) has asked if three friends, two of whom are boys, can come for a sleepover, but I've said no to the boys. It's not that I don't trust her or think that they'll get up to anything inappropriate, I just don't feel comfortable, especially as I've not yet met the boys.

I might have considered it if my house was big enough to separate the boys from the girls but it's not and therefore they would all have to sleep on the sofa or in sleeping bags.

I'm all for encouraging my DD to have male and female friends but boys and girls sleeping over (albeit innocently) doesn't sit well with me. I'm sure this is something which will be broached again in the future and I would therefore welcome any comments.

Thanks :-)

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 30/04/2012 15:52

YANBU at all... I remember being that age, and 2 boys + 2 girls would have definately meant mischief..

YonWhaleFish · 30/04/2012 15:53

YANBU, good move.

Bumdrop · 30/04/2012 18:04

YANBU
There was thread on here somewhere about a 12 year old boy who was distraught at being pressured into watching loads of hard core porn.
My point is, 12 year old are not littleuns, you are right for it not to sit well.

StrandedBear · 30/04/2012 18:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

startail · 30/04/2012 18:08

YANBU

Not because it's mixed, but because you don't know them.

The rule here is no one to sleep over unless they've been to tea and I've meet a parent.

LynetteScavo · 30/04/2012 18:12

Bumdrop - eh? Forced into hard core porn, and not little? I don't get your point. Confused

YANBU, especially as you haven't met them and don't have masses of room.

frenchfancy · 30/04/2012 18:15

YANBU. Boys are allowed to come around, but they are not allowed in their bedrooms and they are not allowed sleepovers.

SeaHouses · 30/04/2012 18:17

DD is 11 and just had a sleepover. The boys had to sleep in her brother's bedroom and the girls in DD's bedroom.

gettingeasier · 30/04/2012 18:18

I recently allowed a mixed sleepover in a tent for 13yo DD birthday , the boys have been known to me for years although I wouldnt say I know them iyswim

One girl wasnt allowed to stay overnight because of this but her mother did think it was ok to come and collect her at 1am Hmm because of course nothing improper could have happened before then.

YANBU though because its up to each individual case

Belleflowers · 30/04/2012 18:21

YANBU

I NEVER had sleepovers, with my mates male or female

my mother would have gone nuts If I had even suggested it...

But you wouldnt be able to relax if you said yes so YANBU

SquigglePigs · 30/04/2012 18:23

To go against the grain I'd say YABU. When I was a similar age my parents let me have a sleep over that was 5 girls and 2 boys. They had the logic that a mixed group wouldn't try anything in a way 1-1 maybe would. And we'd have never dreamed of it. At that age friends are friends for the most part. If it's a mixed group that hang out together all the time I don't think you need to be worried.

gettingeasier · 30/04/2012 18:27

Twas my logic too squiggle

Floggingmolly · 30/04/2012 18:30

YANBU

dexter73 · 30/04/2012 18:31

My dd is 15. We have mixed sleepovers and they all sleep in the living room. I don't think they are having an orgy but they eat a lot of food and stay up all night watching dvds.

Florin · 30/04/2012 18:43

We had mixed sleepovers all through my teen years. All slept in the same room so if anyone did try getting it on with anyone else the rest of the group objected strongly so we managed any problems ourselves. We had to stay downstairs no one was allowed in my bedroom or my twins. It's really good to encourage mixed sex friendships. Oh also one of the boys who always came since we were 15 was my then boyfriend (who is now my dh) again nothing went on between us as it would be wrong in front of 8 or so others. The sleepover parties we had really bonded us we are all nearly 30 and still extremely good friends and everyone still talks of the parties we had with fond memories.

BerryCheesecake · 30/04/2012 18:44

YANBU!!

perplexedpirate · 30/04/2012 18:48

I used to have mixed sleepovers all the time. In fact sometimes I was the only girl with all my boy mates. Nothing untoward ever happened.
It's nice for children to have friends of both sexes, I hope I'll be encouraging it when DS is older.

MadamFolly · 30/04/2012 19:00

Hmm I went to loads of mixed sleepovers as a teen. In some of them it was all innocent and nothing happened. In others it was practically an orgy, however this was when we were 15+, there were no parents and lots of beer.

MrsMagnolia · 30/04/2012 19:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Belleflowers · 30/04/2012 21:19

but what Florin says - that's lovely Florin - you & DH together and all your sleepover friends from back then are still friends now? V unusual to find friendships like that, lucky you x

UnderAverageJoe · 30/04/2012 21:30

Yabu, 12 year olds do know their sexuality, what if she isn't even interested in boys - why should you assume that she is. What MrsMagnolia said.

minimisschief · 01/05/2012 00:54

could be a lesbian. just saying

Pearla · 01/05/2012 00:59

We had mixed sleepovers up until about age 15 (when we started drifting apart due to schoolwork and boy/girlfriends) etc and nothing untoward ever happened. Not even slightly untoward in fact. We weren't at all innocent, but most of us had known each other since primary school and just didn't see each other like that.

Would absolutely allow it for my toddler DS, I'd hope not to feel differently for a DD.

LeBOF · 01/05/2012 01:10

Oh, come off it! It's not about lesbians. It's that it's not usual or expected to have opposite sex sleepovers from the age of about eight onwards, unless you are trying to be self-consciously right-on, or you don't really give a shit.

LeBOF · 01/05/2012 01:13

I think sleepovers are over-rated anyway. My kids have managed fine without them, by and large. I don't relish being kept awake until 4am by shrieking kids.

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