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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not want MIL with shingles to come and visit DS1&2

60 replies

tiredange · 30/04/2012 13:31

MIL found out she had shingles last thurs. Grandparents day with DS are every tues. Both kids have not had chicken pox but DH and all think it's OK for her to come. She is very touchy, kissy with the kids. Should we carry on regardless?

OP posts:
HotPinkWeaselWearingLederhosen · 30/04/2012 13:32

As long as the shingles are dry and the children don't actually physically touch the spots you should be fine Smile

HeathRobinson · 30/04/2012 13:34

I didn't let my mum visit when she had shingles and I had a baby.
In fact, iirc, I think her GP advised her not to visit, too. But it's a while ago...Hmm

wonkylegs · 30/04/2012 13:38

See advice here www.patient.co.uk/health/Shingles.htm
I am immunocompromised and can't go near people with either CP or shingles, so if I was you I'd keep her away from the kids.

tiredange · 30/04/2012 13:41

Think she has on body and arms, not scabbed yet. She can't stop herself from cuddling and kissing them. Am annoyed as they think it will perk her spirits up if she sees the grand children but what about the kids. Think I'm fighting a loosing battle as they are coming....end of.

OP posts:
HotPinkWeaselWearingLederhosen · 30/04/2012 13:48

In that case I'd be inclined to beg ask them to stay away

ratspeaker · 30/04/2012 13:50

If she is coming can you insist she has arms covered if thats where the spots are?
I'm surprised she feels well enough to visit as when I've had bouts of shingles I've only ever wanted to stay home all warm and cosy

btw I had shingles when my dad was in hospital, they asked very nicley if I'd kindly not visit

ragged · 30/04/2012 13:52

Are you going to get your DC vaccinated for CP soon, tired?

tiredange · 30/04/2012 13:55

Hmmmm. That will be an interesting conversation. SIL has already suggested she may have got it from stress, worry about not seeing the grand children enough. (they see them every week.) DH thinks it will speed her recovery. I'm on my own thinking it's better for her to recovery in quarantine. Is it wrong to think they are all being selfish?

OP posts:
happygardening · 30/04/2012 13:55

This is the almost identical advise we follow at work when our children have shingles hope it helps;
Shingles is a reactivation of the varicella zoster virus infection that causes chickenpox. After a person has had chickenpox the virus remains in their body, lying dormant or hidden in part of the nervous system.

For some reason, often many years later, the virus travels back down one of the nerves to the skin, where it causes a rash in the area of skin supplied by that nerve.

It's not clear what triggers reactivation of the chickenpox virus but it may be linked to changes in the immune system such as an infection elsewhere in the body, or after physical or emotional shock. Ensuring your immune system is not weakened may help to prevent this occurring.

Around one in four people will develop shingles in their lifetime, with men and women affected equally. It's most common in older people, although it can also occur in younger people and those with a weakened immune system.

The skin blisters that form in shingles are full of the chickenpox virus, which means a person with shingles is infectious. You can catch chickenpox from someone with shingles, if you've never had the infection and therefore aren't immune. But you can't catch shingles from someone with shingles (or someone with chickenpox).

Most adults - about 95 per cent - have been exposed to chickenpox and are immune, even though many aren't aware of it (they may have had only a mild dose of chickenpox when they were young). However, a small number of adults aren't immune and will be at risk. Also, when the immune system is suppressed (for example, when someone is being treated for cancer), a person can catch chickenpox for a second time.

tiredange · 30/04/2012 13:59

Ragged. Didn't know there was CP vaccine? Is it a routine one or special request? They always have CP at nursery and normally I think if didn't know then carry on. But as she knows she has shingles it's just selfish. Don't think she will be feeling great but she's a martyr and thinks it will make her feel better spreading it to her beloved grandchildren. Am getting angry now...

OP posts:
happygardening · 30/04/2012 13:59

Its simple do you want your children to possibly get chicken pox? Also have you and your DH had chicken pox as an adult it can be a serious and certainly unpleasant condition. Some are pleased for their children to get it and thus get it over with others want to avoid it.
If you dont want to take that risk for whatever reason then you are not being selfish just a good mum.

knowitallstrikesagain · 30/04/2012 14:02

It is up to you whether to let her come or not but I would tear a strip of SIL for suggesting it was caused by stress over lack of contact. If that was the case, loads of GP up and down the country would be suffering because they are more than 30 mins away from GC. What bollocks.

knowitallstrikesagain · 30/04/2012 14:03

strip off

What is wrong with my f button?

OurPlanetNeptune · 30/04/2012 14:03

Tell her to stay away. Your DH is being stupid...he wants to make his mother feel better at the expense of his own children's health? Seriously WTAF? Is he not particularly bright? I'm so sorry OP for being rude about your DH but like wonkylegs I am immunosuppressed so I'm a little touchy about this subject.

If your children do get shingles from your MIL you will have to keep away from school/nursery/other children and pregnant women as well as immunosuppressed individuals.

Yes it is selfish, as well as ignorant.

PurplePidjin · 30/04/2012 14:03

Does she really want to endanger her darling grandchildren to that extent? If she loved them she wouldn't dream of exposing them to something as awful as chicken pox

winnybella · 30/04/2012 14:03

If you and DH want your children to get chicken pox, yes, let her come.

I find it bizarre that she would even entertain it, tbh. WTF is your DH thinking Confused

tiredange · 30/04/2012 14:03

Happygardening you've made me cry! I don't know! Feeling alittle bullied and emotional. Part of me thinks if they get it fine but part of me thinks don't want to them to actively rub the spots to ensure full exposure. I've had CP but DH not sure but he'll be at work anyway.

OP posts:
tiredange · 30/04/2012 14:19

Have asked DH to check if scabs or pus. As you can tell PIL and I don't have wonderful, easy relationship. This will seem like me not wanting them to see DGC. But am doing for my DC. SIL has no kids. They all worry about MIL as she suffers terribly with arthritis.

Know it all. I've been using the f button too much - in my verbal vocal tho :)

OP posts:
Birdsgottafly · 30/04/2012 14:29

not scabbed yet

She cannot come to see the children then. I have shingles regulary, they are ichy, painful and i feel like i have flu when i get them. Twice i have had holidays ruined because of it.

You could also pick up the virus and it can surface whenever you are run down. Thisis a possible life long condition, so you have a right to protect yourself and your children from it.

tiredange · 30/04/2012 14:32

TBH not sure if they have scabbed. She only got diagnosed last thurs so I assumed spots wouldn't all be through and scabbed in 5 days. How do I tell them she can't come? Don't think telling them army of mumsnetters saying no is going to work....

OP posts:
blackeyedsusan · 30/04/2012 14:44

go out.. [chicken emotion]

outtolunchagain · 30/04/2012 14:46

If your children get CP from MIL are your DH and SIL willing to nurse them .When ds3 had CP he was literally covered from head to toe including in his groin throat ,cue a month of disturbed nights all told.Admittedly ds1 and 2 had it much mire mildly.

How old are the children,I would say you have spoken to GP who has strongly advised against visit.Also you can guarantee that your children will get it one after the other rather than at the same time and the next 6 weeks or longer will be dominated by CP

tiredange · 30/04/2012 14:50

DS are 4 and 22 mth. Think I am going to tell them MIL can't come. If FIL wants to come on his own and look after both kids he's more than welcome. They are having them BH Monday as we are going to a wedding so will say she has to be well enough for that so she must rest. Play the kind, thoughtful, loving DIL.

As I don't 'work' it would be definitely be me who will have to care for DS if they were to got CP.

OP posts:
tiredange · 30/04/2012 14:51

Fingers crossed.....no guilt tears from MIL. Wouldn't be the first time.

OP posts:
Birdsgottafly · 30/04/2012 15:06

How is she travelling to yours? She shouldn't be out and about.

Thisis the first opportunity to put the needs of your children and yourself, first, which you have the right to do.