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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

ADVICE NEEDED AS A MATTER OF URGENCY...

42 replies

onelittlefish · 30/04/2012 12:14

Posting here rather than in relevant section because need help quickly (within next 15 mins). DS is 3, at nursery. Usually very sweet and never hit anyone (except his younger brother).

Past two weeks he has been coming home saying one boy is calling him a baby (boy at least year older). Last week teacher said DS hit child over head. Everyone talking about it. Took him in this morning - he ran upstairs to bed saying "I don't want to go". Spoke to friend at nursery - still everyone talking about DS' incident - her son (who is meant to be DS' friend) apparently also called him a baby. She said it was not said affectionately and sounded a bit cruel. Two and two makes four and I am figuring that basically all the boys are at calling my DS a baby.

Firstly, considering their tender ages does this count as bullying? Secondly, how do I approach it with the school? Should I make an appointment or try to speak to them today? I can't believe this - history repeating itself (I was bullied quite badly as a child) and I really want to nip this in the bud before it turns into something.

Have to go pick him up in 15 mins. Please help quick

OP posts:

MarieFromStMoritz · 30/04/2012 12:16

If you think he is being bullied, then I would make a huge fuss. I spent too long standing by feeling redundant whilst my DC was being bullied. Never again.

JustFab · 30/04/2012 12:16

I am an OTT mum but I would definitely speak to the school but not the parents.

Shelby2010 · 30/04/2012 12:16

Speak to them when you go to collect him.

WandaDoff · 30/04/2012 12:17

I haven't got a lot of advice for you, I would definitly speak to them about it though.

BUMP.

WorraLiberty · 30/04/2012 12:17

They're 3 years old and name calling to get a reaction

It's not bullying but it's obviously deeply unpleasant and needs to be nipped in the bud.

Yes, I'd have a word with the Nursery about it...and of course a word with your child about not hitting out.

Good luck!

bubby64 · 30/04/2012 12:17

Talk to the school, np it in the bud before it gets blown out of all propotion. My 2 have been bullied, and it has made their lives a misery at times.

Gigondas · 30/04/2012 12:18

At this age I wouldn't think it was bullying (also I know it's hard but history does not repeat itself necessarily so your ds isn't you).

Speak to teachers about incident to find out what is going on and say you are concerned about effect on ds as doesn't want to come in and it's also making him wary of other kids cos of name calling. It's an age where still trying to learn the way to make friends and be kind so teachers can help here.

MissPenteuth · 30/04/2012 12:18

I can't see the harm in approaching one of the staff and just mentioning that DS is getting upset that other boys are calling him a baby, and ask them to keep an eye on it.

I'm not sure you can call it "bullying" if they're only 3yo, but if it's upsetting your son then it should be nipped in the bud.

Baconsarnie · 30/04/2012 12:18

Yes, talk to the nursery. What have you got to lose?

bejeezus · 30/04/2012 12:20

i dont think labelling it bullying will be helpful in anyway

but it needs to be stopped; teachers should be made aware of it-they should be aware of it anyway. Particularly if that is the reason your son lashed out.

Talk to teacher in anyway you see fit; now or via an appointment. If it where me, I would need to deal with it soonest opportunity so it doesnt fester

why is everyone talking about incident? its not a big deal as a one off. Think you need to get it in perspective....if teachers are half decent this will be the end of it

girlfromdownsouth · 30/04/2012 12:21

Definitely speak to the school - your DS is not happy and that's not OK no matter what anyone says. I understand exactly how you feel having been bullied myself too. (((hugs))) My DS is very small for his age (he's 7 and wears age 4-5 clothes) so naturally he is pushed around and it makes me see red....... I try and remain calm but make a big deal about any incident so that the school is forced to take it seriously.

But what someone else said - let your DS know that hitting is not OK. Good luck.

Original poster

onelittlefish · 30/04/2012 12:21

I feel so sad. I don't even know why.

OP posts:

scrablet · 30/04/2012 12:22

aaw, your poor wee DS. Agree with all above, not 'technically' bullying because of age therefore unlikely to be generated by spite/angst.
However, deeply unpleasant for DS, and you. Talk to the Nursery, they won't be happy this is happening.
(and extra cuddles for DS after nursery today)

Groovee · 30/04/2012 12:23

From my professional view and as a parent, yes you need to speak to the nursery. Calling a child a baby which results in him not wanting to go to nursery needs to be dealt with ASAP.

Original poster

onelittlefish · 30/04/2012 12:23

On Thursday when I went in to pick him up everyone knew and was saying how out of character it was for him.

OP posts:

imnotmymum · 30/04/2012 12:24

let the nursery know and they will have a chat about inappropiate language and all should be OK

QuickLookBusy · 30/04/2012 12:24

It's natural to feel sad when you think your child is unhappy.

Speak to the schoo and tell them what you know. Ask them to keep a close eye on what is happening as you want it to stop.

bejeezus · 30/04/2012 12:25

it is upsetting. But these kind of interactions are going to happen...its all part of growing up. Honestly, no one gets through school, without things like this.

Why ARE they calling him a baby BTW. My dd sucks her thumb and is 7yo-people call her a baby....she doesnt care enough to stop doing it!

bejeezus · 30/04/2012 12:25

ok-so they are saying NICE things about your son.....

Birdsgottafly · 30/04/2012 12:27

Totally agree with Groove, speak to the nursery.

It is bullying behaviour, but the children won't understand that, until they are told. This is the age that bounderies of all types, including acceptable/kind behaviour towards others can be taught.

TheRhubarb · 30/04/2012 12:28

If other children AND their parents are calling your little boy names and he is upset enough to cry and not want to go, then I would be having serious words with the staff. Why are they all talking about it? Children in nursery DO sometimes hit each other, so why the big fuss amongst the parents and how was this child's parent able to communicate with your son and call him a baby?

I would consider taking him out if I didn't get assurances and answers.

TheRhubarb · 30/04/2012 12:31

Oh right sorry, read that wrong. So every boy is calling him a baby because they now know he will react. Well the staff need to nip this in the bud. You could also sit down with your ds and explain to him that because he hit this other child, it has provoked this reaction amongst the other kids. So hitting is never the answer.

bejeezus · 30/04/2012 12:31

the mum didnt call him a baby rhubarb (i dont think)
the parents said it was out of character for him to hit out

imnotmymum · 30/04/2012 12:32

Cannot believe everybody talking about a child in nursery hitting another, this does happen as they do not know the skills appropriate to deal with situations, IMO the parents should have better things to talk about and stop being so judgy. Has their little one never done anything wrong. Poor kid.

bejeezus · 30/04/2012 12:36

it is a bit odd, that the other parents are so interested- its not a big deal

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