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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

ADVICE NEEDED AS A MATTER OF URGENCY...

42 replies

onelittlefish · 30/04/2012 12:14

Posting here rather than in relevant section because need help quickly (within next 15 mins). DS is 3, at nursery. Usually very sweet and never hit anyone (except his younger brother).

Past two weeks he has been coming home saying one boy is calling him a baby (boy at least year older). Last week teacher said DS hit child over head. Everyone talking about it. Took him in this morning - he ran upstairs to bed saying "I don't want to go". Spoke to friend at nursery - still everyone talking about DS' incident - her son (who is meant to be DS' friend) apparently also called him a baby. She said it was not said affectionately and sounded a bit cruel. Two and two makes four and I am figuring that basically all the boys are at calling my DS a baby.

Firstly, considering their tender ages does this count as bullying? Secondly, how do I approach it with the school? Should I make an appointment or try to speak to them today? I can't believe this - history repeating itself (I was bullied quite badly as a child) and I really want to nip this in the bud before it turns into something.

Have to go pick him up in 15 mins. Please help quick

OP posts:

imnotmymum · 30/04/2012 12:38

How did all the parents know though. I am sure lots go on in the day at my variuos DC schools and just do not know about it. Just wierd IMO for what that helpful comment was !!

WhaleOilBeefHookedIWill · 30/04/2012 12:41

Aww he's 3- he IS a baby!! Make a big fuss of him and tell him to take no notice of the jealous kids who are mean to him (unhelpful I know)

bejeezus · 30/04/2012 12:50

good point imnotmymum how DID they all know?

Lack of descretion by the workers might be a bigger issue here

Vixxen · 30/04/2012 13:08

I do wonder how they all found out in the first place too. But to be honest it just sounds like a huge deal is being made out of a small incident. Yes the kids are calling him a baby and yes he lashed out, once. Nursery staff are trained to deal with that. Fair enough if it is happening daily or even a few times, but it sounds to me like its all a big one off.

Don't worry, just make sure to teach your DS not to react physically, chat to the staff about it so they can keep an eye on it all and with regards to the other kids, they will soon forget about it all and everyone will be friends again.

CallMeAl · 30/04/2012 13:27

3 year olds are not bullies, FFS.

the biggest problem here is the adults, inc the OP, getting the whole thing way out of proportion.

Original poster

onelittlefish · 30/04/2012 13:32

I have just picked him up. Not sure if I am happy with the response or not. Mother who I am friends with said she saw a child calling him a baby as she was going in and he was crying. I walked into the room and one of the teachers was cuddling him.

I told her my side of events and she said it was a case of six of one and half a dozen. She said that he sometimes behaves inappropriately - apparently in the middle of story time he stood up and started saying "I'm a baby" really loudly.

I expressed to her my concern that regardless of what her views were and whose fault it was bullying behaviour can be damaging at any age.

She said she would keep an eye on it.

Should I be happy with this? DS told me he poked the child who started it all off - I told him best thing to do would be to tell the teacher rather than lashing out.

OP posts:

JustFab · 30/04/2012 13:33

I have found that when a child hits out after teasing/bullying/name calling then they are the ones who get into trouble so watch for that.

Original poster

onelittlefish · 30/04/2012 13:38

Can tell you have never been bulled Al. Three yr olds aren't bullies but they can participate in bullying behaviour.

Not sure what had happened today. I feel so emotional.

OP posts:

CallMeAl · 30/04/2012 13:39

Wild leap there. Shocker.

3 year olds aren't capable of the thought processes involved in bullying. Get over yourself and try to understand that children can be mean to other children. It's normal, stop being so precious about it.

imnotmymum · 30/04/2012 13:43

I think perhaps if you have been bullied then perhaps you are looking at this too much. If he is calling himself a baby [which he is bless him] then kids will pick up on this especially if they come from the "your a big boy now" families.

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 30/04/2012 13:44

Did you ask your DS about standing up during storytime and saying 'I'm a baby'? Have you asked him why he was crying? It would be interesting to hear his take on it. I wouldn't have talked to 'one of the teachers' I would have talked to the person in charge... maybe go and see them next time he's due in. It has to stop, but it needs tackling from both ends.

Birdsgottafly · 30/04/2012 13:54

Callme-no-one is saying that it isn't normal behaviour. The point is that this is the age that you are setting them up for school and they can be taught what acceptable behaviour is.

Likewise the OP's DS needs to have it taught that it isn't ok to lash out. No blame has to be apportioned, the behaviour justs needs addressing.

No different than any other part of child development, eating habits, toilet training etc.

Children have to be taught kindness and respect and it can start at this age. Every good nursery tha i know of willcover this and introduce books at storytime that cover this. There are age appropriate ways of teachinhg everything.

Original poster

onelittlefish · 30/04/2012 13:55

I probably am taking it a little to heart - however, it is hard to not pay any attention to it. I haven't really spoken to him about the incident in story time or why he was crying when I arrived. I will definitely do this.

I do feel I can trust the nursery - it does have a phenomenal reputation in my area. I just can't help feel that they have not had to deal with this sort of thing before.

OP posts:

imnotmymum · 30/04/2012 13:58

Trust me onelittlefish they will have had to have dealt with many 3 year olds name calling and bashing kids over the head with a spade.

CallMeAl · 30/04/2012 14:16

I think they are saying its not normal behavior if they are making so much bloody fuss about it.

MsOnatopp · 30/04/2012 14:23

Whilst I don't think it could be classed as bullying at 3, a 3 year old can definitely say things to get a reaction and this kind if behaviour should be quickly stomped out by the nursery leaders.

bejeezus · 30/04/2012 15:22

Yeah, by calling it 'bullying behaviour' you are taking out of the realms of normal behaviour

OP of course the nursery will have dealt with this kind of thing before. Probably on a daily basis.

Your son may have stood up and said that about himself because other kids keep telling him he is a baby, rather than vice versa. You really need his side of the story, if he is unhappy going. Ask staff directly to stop kids calling him a baby because it is upsetting him

What inappropriate behaviour is he having?? Standing up at story time? You need specifics if they think your dc is being inappropriate? And their opinion on why they think he is behaving inappropriately

You also need to pinpoint what you are so upset about? Have you been worried about your sons behaviour before?

It all sounds a bit of a non event on the face of it, which could easily be dealt with by parents and nursery. But reading between the lines, I wonder if there is more to it

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