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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU or should I go with my gut this is long but need advise

35 replies

lala21 · 27/04/2012 19:43

Need perspective am willing to admit if I am being silly.

A local mum has been in the area 4 about 3 years, moved 4 doors away and got speaking to her a few weeks back at the local playswings.

She knew one of my friends at swings, app they know each other from the local.
When the weather was good we'd be at swings nearly everyday, but within a few meetings I realised I did not like her. HOWEVER could not xplain it so thought no make an effort you're being silly. Got intro to her hubby at swings took an instant dislike to him, his physical force with his ds who is 4just got my back up.

Then did not see her for a bit then suddenly at swings and walking home she walks to my front yard and says "this is where you live then the house with the big merc outside. ( stomach churns) her exact words

My ds 3 plays with next door neighbours kids so I'm out with them she sees us and comes over and asks who the kids are ( about neighbours children) what they are called? ( i don't say anything as I am running after DD 14 months) why has the mum left them outside ' god i'd never do that' the other kids are thankfully scared of her husky like dog so I say kids better go in etc etc.
By now I've stopped going to the swings and feeling a bit sick about seeing her.

Last week family r up and we're walking back and she sees us introduces herself to MIL and i say 4 her and DH and Ds to walk ahead ( as her son is a bit physical with my son) and she walks the whole 20 min walk back, commenting does dh work long hours, does he work in the city then, etc, says something about MIL but we then walk off and another you need to come around. ( I don't comment)

I stupidly stupidly gave her my mob no ( a few weeks back others did to) she texts to invite me around this week and thankfully I was away but the next day she has to drive passed us to go to school drop off she slowed down by my house and looked ( I am not imagining it)

This has happened over the space of a month, there's more but I'm going to bore you if i have not already.
Her latest is on dh being an accountant her words ( so you're loaded), colour of my kids ( ie my dh is white and I am not).
she made comments about how my weight loss is going but not normal talk but stuff like 'ooow look at u loosing weight' or when I said about going out with the other mums she said ' ow you're miss popular'

But this am I bump into her at the supermarket, she comes over and wants to go out I xplain I can't too short notice but another mutual mum and( about 10 mums) r planning a night out, she's not interested.

She asks if I've been busy, been out and about? ( I said yes I was out as she knows I text her) she says I know I saw you were out, asks if I need help I say no thank you, and then bends down with her arms open and says to my ds come over here and give me a hug while I am trying to open the car door and says to him ' never mind u want to come over and play with my ds don't u'

AIBU or do I have a right to be fxxxxxxxxxxxx off. any advice would do x

OP posts:

ImperialBlether · 27/04/2012 19:48

She sounds a bit odd. She also sounds as though she's taking an unhealthy interest in your family.

I'd just distance myself from her, if I were you. Refuse any offers to go out with her and don't let her in your house. It'll only encourage her.

GrahamTribe · 27/04/2012 19:51

Apart from being understandably bugged that she's rude and forward wrt remarks about your kids' race and husband's income what exactly are you fucked off about? So you don't like her, that's fine. Be cool, be non commital, be brief, be dignified and polite. She'll soon get the message (whatever it may be).

WorraLiberty · 27/04/2012 19:53

Graham you saved me typing exactly what I was thinking.

As difficult as the OP is to follow, unless I've missed anything I think you're extremely paranoid/picky about people.

Everyone's different...some are a pain in the arse and ask too many questions.

Some people are a bit offish and never ask about other people.

I have to say though, you told her and her DH and son to walk ahead when she introduced herself to your MIL?

That really does sound rude.

BlackAffronted · 27/04/2012 20:03

She sounds like she is trying to friendly, in a manner that you would not use yourself. Does she really make you feel sick? Thats the weirdest thing I can see in your OP.

Rhubarbgarden · 27/04/2012 20:04

You both sound a bit odd to be honest.

GrahamTribe · 27/04/2012 20:04

At the risk of it sounding like Worra and I are twins or conferring on this in advance of posting the sending of the woman and her son to walk ahead sounded very rude to me too.

Dare I say it that it sounds like there's a lack of social skills on both parts here. It's standard manners to introduce someone you're with when you come across another person who's known to you. She had to introduce herself to your MIL when she came across the pair of you and then got sent on to walk ahead alone for her troubles. That kind of makes up for the social faux pas of talking of the "big Merc" and your husband's income!

ilovesooty · 27/04/2012 20:06

I think the whole thing and both parties sound odd too.

WorraLiberty · 27/04/2012 20:06

Graham, can you sit on my other knee?

The right one's gone a bit dead

rhondajean · 27/04/2012 20:08

I'm not really getting it, it sounds like she is trying really hard actually, but I do understand sometimes you just don't gel with people. Feeling sick to your stomach by her does sound an extreme reaction though. Most of what you have described sounds like normal getting to know you chat.

Or is it that her husband obviously isn't an accountant, doesn't drive a merc and tht they own a big dog that's bothering you???

GrahamTribe · 27/04/2012 20:09

Worra. My butt is obviously too big in this thread!

GeraldineHoHoHobergine · 27/04/2012 20:09

She sounds a bit lonely, maybe she just really likes you? May e if you did go to her house you might find more in common, maybe the crass comments were just small talk and she is embarassed by them too. I don't think she sounds that bad.

KD0706 · 27/04/2012 20:10

I thought that OP meant she asked her mil, DH and DS to walk ahead, then OP continued walking with the other lady.

Its fair enough that you don't want to be friends with this lady, OP, but I can't see from what you've written that she's done anything particularly wrong, just been a bit forward. Maybe she's desperate to make friends.

whackamole · 27/04/2012 20:10

I admit I don't really know what you are so annoyed and upset about. So, YABU. If you don't like her, decline her invites and be cool but cordial when you speak to her.

WorraLiberty · 27/04/2012 20:11

Ahh yes I think you're right about that KD0706

everlong · 27/04/2012 20:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PurplePidjin · 27/04/2012 20:14

It sounds like she's trying to be friendly, and tbh you come across as a bit snobby, OP.

The colour comments could be seriously offensive depending on tone of voice, though.

MrsShitty · 27/04/2012 20:16

I can't see why you think it's odd that she's (rather awkwardly) tried to make friends with you.

Why is it stomach churning that she asked if this is where you live???

MrsShitty · 27/04/2012 20:17

She asked the names of some other local kids and you didn't tell her?? To be frank YOU sound odd!

cwtch4967 · 27/04/2012 20:23

I don't get why you are so wound up?

WhereYouLeftIt · 27/04/2012 20:26

The OP is not very clear, but I got the impression that lala21 is picking up the 'mercenary' vibes from this woman ( ""this is where you live then the house with the big merc outside." ), and feels that this woman does not like her, just likes having friends she perceives as wealthy and is on tenterhooks waiting to be tapped up.

HillyWallaby · 27/04/2012 20:31

She is trying too hard to be friendly. She senses you disapprove of her and that you are backing away. That is making her react in a slightly passive aggressive and defensive way, but she's still trying to befriend you whilst at the same time looking for evidence that you are a jumped up snob who looks down on her because you think you and your DH are something special. She needs this 'evidence' in order to feel better about herself. It's not her, it's you. See?

People like this often don't realise that their chippy, nosey behaviour creates a self-fulfilling prophesy. Having said that, you do seem to be easily and slightly irrationally irritated by her, and she sounds harmless enough, if a bit forward, so you are coming across as a bit unnecessarily defensive as well.

CountryMouse27 · 27/04/2012 20:34

Basically you feel uncomfortable about her, but haven't got real concrete things to pin it down to, i.e. the gut feeling.

In fairness my gut is a terrible judge of character by experience but I appreciate that others have a better sense of the unexplained than me. You're not 6 years old and dont need to be friends with someone you dont like.

If you dont like her, you dont like her. Go with the gut feeling, find another playground and a new mobile number with a bad signal, closely followed by "its a really bad time at the moment, we're just focussing on family time".

Then respond sympathetically in a few weeks to a post on here about a lady who can't understand what she's done wrong.

MsPaperbackWriter · 27/04/2012 20:35

Don't text her, don't engage in conversation with her and don't do anything with her! Be polite but non-committal at all times. If you see her just say you are busy, don't elaborate, just smile and say I'm busy and that's it. Stand up for yourself or she will bully you.

I think some of the comments on here that you are a snob are very unfair

membrillo · 27/04/2012 20:42

Hard to say, as we didn't see her body language, but it does sound a little as though she's casing your house/life.

Was her body language threatening?

PollyPants · 27/04/2012 20:42

you both sound completely normal and i have a ford focus

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