to be unreasonably annoyed by this?

[delilahbelle]

Tiny problem in the scheme of things, but I'm still very grumpy.

I am buying a house with DH.

I have organised everything pretty much - viewings, appointments with IFA, surveys, payments EVERYTHING.

I made very sure everyone knew I was the one dealing with everything. DH has just handed over the required paperwork and signed what I've asked him to.

So why oh why does the solicitor has DH's name first on correspondence, having sent urgent emails to him that then have to be forwarded to me, and addressed letters to 'Mr and Mrs DH's name', despite being asked not to.

Twats. I am more than my husband's accessory. Now if it had read Mrs and Mr delilahbelle I wouldn't be so annoyed.

YANBU about the emails. I would always send an email to both email addresses unless there were special instructions.

But it is correct letter writing etiquette to address letters to Mr & Mrs SoAndSo, not the other way round. It's how I was trained and I'm not that old

It wouldn't and doesn't bother me to have letters addressed to Mr & Mrs Rock

I'm with Stewie on this one. Gets my goat every time.

It's a culture thing.
Here in Chile the woman keeps her own name upon marriage, gets tagged onto the OH name for documents. I have a friend who had a really tough time living in the States because everything was addressed as Mr & Mrs Last Name, instead of Mr Last & Mrs Name, and it made her feel like she was seen as nothing more than his property. She's much happier back in her home country using her own name and if the woman is dealing with stuff then people write to her.

It's perfect, most people still want the husband's name as well as her's, but communications are directed to which ever person is named.

Is it too late to change solicitor?

It would hugely annoy me too and I have, in the past, been known to fire off annoyed emails to the top brasses (easy to work out their email addresses if you get the formula for the company) complaining. It sorts things out pronto IME.

I bought a car a couple of years ago. First showroom: salesman looked at my tits then directed all conversation towards dh until I said 'I'm the one buying the car' and sent dh off to entertain the children Then the same company sent all mail addressed to dh. Car was bought and paid for by me, registered in my name and really dh had nothing to do with it. The MD knew about it sharpish.

It's just not on.

YANBU

We just had some major work on the house delayed because the contractor sent all the info to DH. DH "knows I deal with all that sort of stuff", so didn't bother to forward it to me, assuming the contractor had sent it on to him as an afterthought.

It is ridiculous, and really not that difficult to e-mail two people if you have dealt with more than one.

Culture schmulture. Chile sounds like a good forward thinking nation!

YANBU. Earlier this year I had a similar situation - I am self-employed, we have an accountant do our taxes and I am the one that tells the accountant everything, DH just signs the forms when it's all over, and this year they sent the tax forms to Mr and Mrs X. That is not even my last name!

What do you write on the envelopes of your xmas cards?

TripleRock, since it is me that usually writes the Xmas cards, it is my name that goes on the envelope.

I kept my surname & so if people try to do this they soon stop - as I won't respond to letters or phone calls addressed to me in my husband's surname.

Xmas cards are either addressed to us both (first name surname) or to me '& family' or just to our first names.

Tis not really that hard for people to figure out, and OP you are not BU. I would personally have got another solicitor and told the previous one why they were being ditched.

I mean when you address them.

What do you write on the front of the envelopes to refer to the addressee?

I'm double -barrelled in RL, not posh just bolshi, and I've had letters from a UK bank addressed to Mrs-initial of my name-OH's name. This was to clarify my name because it didn't make sense on the application form.

Ok, fair enough but I have only ever received letters or cards for both of us addressed to Mr. & Mrs.

This is interesting to me as I work for a firm who send out letters in the traditional form, as do all professional organisations I have ever come across.

But if we were to change that how would you decide? Someone has to be named first; are you suggesting it should be always be Mrs & Mr? If not, how would you decide which order when the data entry is done. Genuine question

I didn't mean it was a positive aspect of the culture, it's part of the culture to treat one partner as something that's just been added on to the person who is actually being addressed.

Not unreasonable recently doing some work with an Indian company, they have spoken to me, read my feminine name and STILL write to "Mr" like I can't possibly be in control what with having boobs and all.

Thank you all - I have validation in my irritation.

I have sent an email to the solicitors asking for all correspondence to come to me again.

Sadly as all the searches have now been done and we are due to complete soonish I will be sticking with these solicitors, as I don't want the hassle of changing. Will stick to bitching in here instead. Misogynistic gits.

There is absolutely no justification in missing you out of receiving emails, regardless of any argument about how letters are addressed.

YANBU! It's one of my pet hates too. I have kept my surname (you have to by Greek law) but in France everyone refers to me as Mrs DH'sName even in official documents which causes chaos! The bank keeps issuing cheques in MrsDH'sName but my ID is in my name ensuing in bureaucratic nightmares.

To add further insult the correct title should be Mr and Dr, but I usually get Dr and Mrs, because as we all know women are too stupid to do PhDs.

Our mortgage provider can only cope with commuting with one if us so one of us can vote at the agm and letters came to Mr lemming even though its a joint mortgage and I'm the only one who has paid it for the last 3 yrs. I complained and they were happy to change the primary contact to me but they backed down so fast that I was blown away and decided that DH could have the junk mail!

i must say if it was the other way around and womens surnames took precedent i wouldn't give two hoots.

maybe i'm just laid back.

That is annoying. I ditched our first conveyancing lawyer as they:

• only emailed DH not me when I had contacted them
• spelt both my names wrong, two different ways each

The national trust struggles too. Our joint membership appears to be him +1. We do gift aid and when DH became a student I tried to change it to me +him so they could still claim the gift aid. Apparently he needed to make the call because it was his membership but I needed to be there to confirm the change. During their office hours. When I was at work and he was an hour away at uni. Needless to say, we didn't bother.