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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to poke this school-gate mum in eye

70 replies

TheStandard · 27/04/2012 09:22

The mother of one of the kids in my DS's (Y2) class seems to be pathologically anxious about something, and almost literally every drop-off and pick-up, she completely monopolises the teacher's attention (drop-offs and pick-ups are from the classroom door).

She gets there early, plants herself physically across the door frame, and starts wittering on to the teacher about her DD. I try not not to eavesdrop, so I don't know whether her concerns are serious, but surely if you had that much to say to the class teacher you'd make a bloody regular appointment?

My DS stood out in the pouring rain this morning because he physically couldn't get past her to get into the classroom. I shoved him in in the end Blush but she still didn't bloody notice/apologise.

I've stood there for up to 10 minutes in the past, waiting for my opportunity to ask the teacher a 'yes/no' question that was only going to take 15 seconds.

This woman's lack of self-awareness is making me want to do unpleasant things.

OP posts:
Floggingmolly · 27/04/2012 10:19

It's the teacher who's really at fault here, for giving her centre stage at busy times.
At our (3 different) schools, you'd be given short shrift by any of the teachers for trying to monopolise them at busy times like pickup and drop offs.
To be honest, I'd have no qualms about interrupting her, and demanding to be acknowledged long before 10 minutes had past.

CinnyCall · 27/04/2012 10:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Siddhartha · 27/04/2012 10:30

Nagoo - Bigmaninananorak doesn't even have time off in the summer holidays.

He spends his time at the front of the crowd at festivals all over the UK, come september, he's back at the classroom door Grin

Mishy1234 · 27/04/2012 10:32

YANBU. It's very annoying when people behave like that.

The teacher should take charge of the situation though and ask her to make an appointment instead. Time is at a premium at drop off time and if she can't be considerate she needs to be told.

maytheoddsbeeverinyourfavour · 27/04/2012 10:37

I think it sums it up nicely cinny Grin

It always baffles me when you meet parents like that, it's like they really to believe their child is the most special and important one, not just to them but to everyone including other parents Confused

I knew one once who thought that as her child was an only and I had too bloody many several dc, that it was impossible that I loved my children as much as she loved hers Hmm she used to say "but may, you just don't understand the love I have for my dd, she is just so precious to me, I wish you could experience love like that" she also used to think that all other parents were jealous of her for having such an amazing beautiful daughter, when all the children left the class she gave all the parents all a professional photo of her dd. at first I thought maybe it was a little keepsake for the children as a reminder, but I was told by her it was for the parents to keep as she knew we would all miss seeing her so much and this way we could still look at her beautiful face, she said she was so sorry that we wouldn't get to meet up with her dd anymore, that she knew we would miss her terribly,but she promised she would take such good care of her. Honestly this face Hmm doesn't begin to cover it Grin

SoupDragon · 27/04/2012 10:37

The fault lies with the teacher, not the parent.

Pagwatch · 27/04/2012 10:39

Yeah, poke her.

WhereYouLeftIt · 27/04/2012 10:39

"The worst of it is, this woman is perfectly OK once you prise her away from the classroom doorframe, so I don't want to be mean."

It would not be mean - it would be helpful to her to have a heads-up that her behaviour is noticeable to others and not in a good way. Grin

I fully agree with the breezy child-coming-through approach; but if you need to rack it up a notch, I find a gentle hand on the forearm or shoulder surprises this type enough for them to pause for breath, allowing you to speak (and even for them to listen!). And then a mock-exasperated tone accompanied by a wide smile and "X, in this weather do you not think getting ALL the children into the classroom should take priority?". Repeat twice daily as necessary.

zombiegames · 27/04/2012 10:41

maytheodds Shock

schoolgovernor · 27/04/2012 10:44

I know I'm repeating myself, but the breezy coming through approach isn't enough in this situation. The problem is not just that this mother stands in the way, it is that the teacher is not attending to her primary responsibility at this time, which is making sure that every child is handed over to an appropriate adult and that no child slips out of the door alone. Tackle one parent and another may take her place. Tackle the school and you will potentially make them aware of an issue that needs to be addressed in more than one class and that will make your child and all the others safer.
That is why you need to speak to the headteacher, to highlight a potential safeguarding issue. You will do the teacher a favour, when a child goes astray heads roll.

BigHairyFlowers · 27/04/2012 11:28

Holy crap maytheodds ! Shock

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 27/04/2012 11:35

Since the children are going to different schools in the autumn, I would go for the direct and somewhat blunt approach, and tell this woman that it is unacceptable and, as schoolgovernor says, unsafe for her to monopolise the teacher in this fashion, and that she should make an appointment to talk to her. I would also write to the teacher (because clearly you're not going to get to speak to her) and explain your concerns about the way she is handling this situation.

BananasInBloomers · 27/04/2012 11:42

OMG may.
Theres one of these parents in every class,in every school. We had VeryAnnoyingDad,who was a boring know-it-all. He poked me once in my very pregnant belly so I kicked him in the shins Grin

Every day he had some moan to bore talk to the teacher about. He was full sure his DC was some sort of unnutured genius and the school system was failing him. There was an incident when the DC picked his nose and wiped it on another child. The DC had removal of extra playtime as a punishment. The Dad went off on one claiming it was unfair blah blah,he was going to see the Head about it blah blah. My DC was the child who the snot was wiped on. Sad Angry
She is a very quiet child who sat there crying to herself in class out of disgust. I gave her school jumper to the Dad and asked him to clean it. He refused saying it was just snot. It wasn't just snot,it was the action of wiping it on another child. But he didn't see that.

I did catch the teacher rolling her eyes one day as she saw him approach Grin. I used to purposly ask not to be after him for p/t meetings. The teacher said ok I understand.

Original poster
TheStandard · 27/04/2012 12:57

I had to go out, but Grin and thanks for all the constructive suggestions. I feel much better just for having vented on here!

I will think about slipping the school a quiet note about it. DS's teacher is fairly young, perhaps she hasn't had to deal with one of these before!

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 27/04/2012 12:59

YANBU

I always get the appointment straight after that parent every friggin parent's evening Angry

OrmIrian · 27/04/2012 13:04

Oh lord! Don't they just drive you mad? Our reception teacher was always late coming out to get the kids from the playground in the morning as it was. We'd always be lined up for ages waiting for her. I knew I'd be late for work so would be champing at the bit! And as she appeared out of the classroom door and started walking toward the head of the line, you'd see the usual suspects hovering with a deadly and determined look in their eyes to pounce on the poor woman first! I'll swear you could see the terror in her face.... A more experienced teacher would probably have dealt with them a little forcefully but she was just a lamb to the slaughter.

I was always always late for work. ... Hmm

Pinkshoes2 · 27/04/2012 13:06

Ive seen a couple of parents a bit like this who you would see over talking to the teacher before/after school, one is a lady whose son has sn so i can understand her doing this as she is worried about his behaviour and sometimes the teacher nods her over to talk to her though this is not every day. The other is a pta woman who talks to the teacher every morning and after school a lot too. Could be talking about pta stuff, who knows.

kerala · 27/04/2012 13:26

What you need is a brisk, sixty something ex military teaching assistant who doesn't give a stuff about anyones opinion of her. Ours is brilliant, if a parent is standing in the wrong place, loitering, helps incorrectly on a school trip etc they are smartly ticked off. I had my first telling off ever yesterday for chatting in the wrong place Blush. She wouldn't put up with the parent in the OP thats for sure.

Eggrules · 27/04/2012 13:32

I think our parent's evening over ran by 1 1/2 hours because it was the only chance non-SSS parents get a chance to speak to the teaching staff.

MrsMeow · 27/04/2012 13:42

My friend & I call them "Alpha Mum Teacher Hoggers" there's one in every class!

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 27/04/2012 16:14

How annoying! I would go with the suggestion of writing to the school about it. It's unfair on other pupils and parents as maybe sometimes someone else would like a word with the teacher

AmberLeaf · 27/04/2012 16:24

one is a lady whose son has sn so i can understand her doing this as she is worried about his behaviour and sometimes the teacher nods her over to talk to her though this is not every day

That is what came to my mind reading this.

I know its a MN cliche but maybe SNs are an issue?

My son has SN and im aware that I spend more time than other parents speaking to his teacher, its kind of essential. Also even before official diagnosis I spent more time talking to his teachers than I did with his older brothers.

I assume that most of the other parents in my sons class dont know about my son so maybe they think im annoying too! Grin

gafhyb · 27/04/2012 16:27

There is one in every class, and IME, it's not the parents of children with SN - they tend to have good mechanisms of speaking to the teacher or SENCO outside of drop-off or pickup. They also don't necessarily want the world and his wife to hear about their child.

IME, it is anxious parents, those who baby or over-protect their DC, or those who are simply rude and self-centred

quoteunquote · 27/04/2012 16:51

totally love the "Special Snowflake Syndrome" , just brilliant and I will be sharing,

we have one at school that is beyond belief in her behaviour, no one else can talk to a teacher on drop off or pick up if their child is in a class with one of hers,

I got a note from DS's teacher asking if we could have a chat in the am before school(DS is autistic and very fluffy so we coordinate approaches) , I went in half an hour early and we were chatting very quietly at the far side of the class room as the other children arrived, SSS(love it) mummy arrived, she was clearly very annoyed to find the teacher already engaged, stormed over and despite the teacher and I nearly being nose to nose in order to not be over heard,

she barged between us and started talking ten to dozen about her DD over night reading development , teacher firmly said " I'll be with you soon" , she took no notice and I found myself looking at back of her head as she continued to without drawing a breath to give an in depth detailed account of DD's use of sh sound,

so I picked her up under the arm pits turned round 180, and put her down, and said go away, she looked a little shocked, but turned and carried on as if nothing had happened,

so I told her if she didn't leave the class room I would remove her from the school, she stormed off to tell the head,

we carried on the conversation, the teacher (a friend) said she feels totally terrorised by the woman,

I had a chat with head who is inundated each year with parents requesting that their children not be in the same class with this woman's children, such is the negative effect to sharing space with her,

all the head can say is "only two more years to go', and press gangs me into guarding doorways when they don't want her in a space.

Frontpaw · 27/04/2012 16:53

I suggest a large hatpin to the backside.

There's always one. Just shove her out of the way.