To think I don't ask people why they did have children so don't ask me why I don't.

[Hammy02]

It is so rude and intrusive.

I was asked this by someone I speak to for business whilst having a miscarriage. Unfortunate timing by the person involved but at it's best this question is likely to be intrusive, at it's worst it can deeply painful.

Latonia there are loads of posters here without children. I would hate to think someone might not feel welcome to be part of MN because they assume it's a place for parents only. That really is not the case- anyone who thinks it is has failed to grasp this brilliant forum and deserves a .

thanks proudnscary,

she was jolly pleased when I gave birth to a red headed one, apparently there is more versatility in what can be used for,

the chatty one goes to social type things, the quite one goes to exhibitions and openings, pretty one goes to anything which might involve photos.

I'm a great believer in sharing my children out, quite a few of my friends (male and female)for what ever reasons have not had children, and as we have never been territorial about them we share,

our eldest now off at uni really benefited from the amazing input he gained from friends, one couple(she had leukaemia as a child) loved taking him on amazing holidays, and he adored having a bolt hole when he got fed up with us during the teenage years, and his much younger siblings were taking up a lot of our time.

a darling friend in 70s has been a wonderful addition to their lives, my mother died when I was quite young, and she and they get so much out of the intergenerational interaction, I'm so grateful they don't miss out on that.

It gives us great comfort that others regard the children as "theirs", the benefits to all parties are superb. I can't think of a downside.

If people do ask then they should be prepared to be on the receiving end of a very honest answer. If it makes them feel uncomfortable that's really they're own fault for asking - and their deserved embarrassment could be nothing compared to what the other person has gone through.

I wouldn't ask complete strangers, but within my wider circle of friends and aquaintences the topic of kids has generally come up, and I know who wanted how many and why or why not they got what they wanted. Isn't this one of those topics which eventually comes up? I've been asked a few times if I'm going to have a third child, as I've "only" got boys. I've also been asked if I "didn't want a girl?". Mostly I think people are trying to show some personal interest, but word it badly.

Dh and I were married or nearly ten years before we had dd. (Married very young, no fertility issues.)

If anyone asked me I just treated them to my very truthful rambling answer about how we thought we wanted them, but not sure (long side discussion about how lovely yet hard work nephews were), then all the details of my career and exams taken / exams yet to be taken, then pros and cons of different ages to reproduce etc etc.

No-one ever asked us twice!

My ds is 4 and people find it totally normal it seems to question me about further offspring. I'm fairly 'public' as church minister's wife and it's painful. dh wants another baby, I'm very daunted by the idea (we nearly lost ds at birth, he was very ill, is disabled, I had bad PTSD after the birth, we're getting out of the baby stage and the thought of starting it again is hard, ds cannot walk unaided yet), dh has libido issues due to medication and other reasons, there's enough going on without people asking

A woman I'd never met before interrogated me in church the other week. 'Do you have more kids?' 'No just ds.' 'Are you going to have more?' 'Don't know, up to the Lord' (my stock answer). 'Oh, that's a bit of a personal question isn't it?' Yes it is . 'But do you WANT anymore?'

Gaaaaaaaah