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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

"It's only a missed period" WSBU?

46 replies

chipsandmushypeas · 26/04/2012 09:47

My friend's friend recently found out she's pregnant and told my friend at 5 weeks. My friend seemed annoyed she had announced so early and said, "its only a missed period" and that she should have waited until 12 weeks.

I'm 6 weeks and was planning on telling her - won't be now!

Do you think it's not good to announce early? Or was she BU?

OP posts:
SaggyOldClothCatPuss · 26/04/2012 09:52

Weeell, I've done both. I didn't tell anybody for ages, first time round, second time I blabbed as soon as I found out. The only down side I found, was that second time round I got to about 6/7 months and EVERYBODY started asking if I'd had it yet? It was bloody annoying!

hairytale · 26/04/2012 09:52

It's entirely up to the individual :). Your friend is a bossy busy body.
She can announce her pregnancies when she wants.

lou2321 · 26/04/2012 09:53

We knew really early with both and told people we saw (not fb annoucement or anything). I just felt that if anything went wrong that we would have to tell everyone anyway and would appreciate their support!

What a nasty thing to say, its not just a missed period! Is your friend a nurse or a doctor as I have often heard my friends in that profession be very blase about it, I had early bleeding and said to my dr friend how upset I was about possible ahving a miscarriage and she pretty much said the same thing in a very matter of fact way. I didn't take too much offence as I knew what she was like.

I think you need to make that decision as only you know how you feel about it all. I amy not bother telling that particular friend thoough!

PurplePidjin · 26/04/2012 09:54

Sibu, it's up to the parents, surely?

I'd find it odd to tell friends that early, but the only polite response is an enthusiastic congratulations!

WilsonFrickett · 26/04/2012 09:54

What a nasty thing to say! I wouldn't be telling her after that. Is she maybe ttc and having problems? Still, no excuse.

I don't think you have to tell the whole world at 6 weeks, but a couple of close friends/family who you can trust not to blab? Why not?

WorraLiberty · 26/04/2012 09:54

Missed period or not...one would assume she did a pregnancy test?

Your friend sounds like she's jealous or something.

snowballinashoebox · 26/04/2012 09:54

What a disgusting thing to have said.

Original poster
chipsandmushypeas · 26/04/2012 10:00

No, I don't think she's jealous. Definitely not ttc as she's on rocky ground with her dh. Not in medical profession either. I thought it was quite mean, also she told her she didn't want to discuss it anymore until she was 12 weeks [shocked] made me rethink telling people!

OP posts:
wandawings · 26/04/2012 10:03

Maybe the rocky ground with her DH is to do with TTC?

WishingRLwouldFuckOff · 26/04/2012 10:05

Nothing to say she hasn't been ttc in the past and had a miscarriage prior to 12wks though. It might just be that because of experiences she doesn't want to discuss this until that date when the risk of miscarriage is lower. Totally the wrong way of going about it but you never know what has happened that she hasn't felt she wanted to share. But I would say she is bu due to the manner in which she expressed her opinion.

Oogaballoo · 26/04/2012 10:06

It's not for her to comment so nastily on when someone announces their pregnancy. Getting annoyed about it seems like an overreaction!

Snowboarder · 26/04/2012 10:06

I wouldn't personally say anything until at LEAST 12 weeks, but that's just me. I don't however think a 5 week old pregnancy is just a missed period. That's stupid!

I am 26 weeks pg at the mo and went for an early scan at around 6/7 weeks as I have a history of difficult and high-risk pregnancies. Prior to this I had an appointment booked with the midwife at my GP surgery. She missed our appointment but said that it didn't matter 'as the pregnancy probably wouldn't 'come to anything' anyway'. I couldn't believe her callous attitude. Needless to say I haven't seen her again and now get all my care via my consultant.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 26/04/2012 10:07

What's it got to do with this person when someone else decides to announce? None of her business.

piprabbit · 26/04/2012 10:08

As I had several miscarriages around the 5-7 weeks stage, I never told anyone until after my 12week scan.
I couldn't have borne having to go round untelling people.

LaDiDaDi · 26/04/2012 10:13

She was definitely being unreasonable. Entirely up to the individual when they share the news and who with.
Personally I told people on the basis of whether or not I would want them to know and want their support if I miscarried. This meant I told some family as soon as I poas and some work colleagues when I was 14 weeks.

Bambino81 · 26/04/2012 10:16

I told people at about 2 months I think.

Comgratulations!!!!

GwendolineMaryLacey · 26/04/2012 10:20

Nasty comment and everyone's own business when they tell people, be it at 12 weeks or 3 weeks. But I detest the fact that people don't announce it until 12 weeks "in case something goes wrong" thereby perpetuating the myth that miscarriage is a shameful secret. Feeling like I couldn't mention it to anyone made mine 10 x worse. No one wanted to know.

ChunkyPickle · 26/04/2012 10:26

I waited until 12 weeks, because the month before I'd lost one at 7 weeks after a weekend at the in-laws - where if we'd told them, we'd then have to have called them back and explained that it wasn't happening after all.

So many pregnancies end in the first few weeks that I just prefer to wait until it's got over that uncertainty hump (I read wikipedia's entry to find out when the chances went down to pretty unlikely)

ChunkyPickle · 26/04/2012 10:26

Gwen - it's not that miscarriage is a shameful secret - more that I just didn't want to be made to talk about it.

moonsquirter · 26/04/2012 11:26

I told everyone I saw - work, friends, family - at about 5 or 6 weeks because I had such horrific morning sickness that they were otherwise assuming that I had some terrible lurgy and shouldn't be out in public. There was no way I couldn't explain to people, and also I needed the support and understanding immediately.

If someone had told me it was "just a missed period" (and if I'd had the energy), I would have killed them. I totally understand why some people don't want to tell earlier, but if you do then I would expect the response to be a congratulations rather than irritation!

MerylStrop · 26/04/2012 11:27

She was being horrid

Don't tell her, but tell everyone else!

confuzed90 · 26/04/2012 12:01

With my first, I told people at 13 weeks, although a few trusted friends new from the beginning (4 weeks)

With this one, currently 40+1, I told everyone at 11+ weeks due to problems, again, a few friends new, but not my family.
It is completely her/your choice when to tell people. Its a very exciting/scary time and sometimes you need the support from a friend she obviously felt she could trust. I believe that the friend who is being nasty about it is jealous, the problems with her relationship may be due to miscarriage/abortion/ttc, a pregnancy is a pregnancy. Congratulations to you and your friend :D

valiumredhead · 26/04/2012 13:05

Technically people should wait til 16 weeks according to a consultant I saw when I was at A and E after a bleed.

I told everyone early - I looked like death and was throwing up every 5 minutes, they would've guessed if I hadn't told them.

PicaK · 26/04/2012 13:07

In my view when you tell people is entirely down to the mum and dad.

I did ivf - so everyone knew from day 1 (ie 4 weeks pregnant - a week before your friend.) The first time i carried to term and have a lovely son, the second time i miscarried at 7 weeks. Both those events had bugger all to do with whether other people knew about the pregnancy.

Yes it was sad to pass on bad news, but the support and love i got were invaluable.

valiumredhead · 26/04/2012 13:08

When I told my boss I was pregnant she said ' Oh I will keep everything crossed for you as so many pregnancies end in mc.' Shock fucking bitch