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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Uncontrolled crying!

44 replies

washingonawednesday · 25/04/2012 22:33

Oh god. 15 months old ds. Was an excellent sleeper. A recent tummy bug has thrown him right out of his routine and he's now waking and being awake for HOURS in the night. Last night he slept from 7 till 3am and that was it- wake up time. Did controlled crying from 3 till 4am. By 4am I had had it after over a week of this so I turned the monitor off and left him to it. He had a dummy and toys in the cot, no poo, not too hot or thirsty. Just awake and really giving it some Crying. Woke again at 6am - he was still going. Did controlled crying till 7 and then got us both up.

Aibu? Single mum and it's just too much. Will he get the message that night time is sleep time with uncontrolled crying or is it just mean of me?

When I do controlled crying it just makes him more pissed off that I go in, but don't get him up and just leave him again.

Help!

OP posts:
thisisyesterday · 25/04/2012 22:37

maybe he still feels poorly?
have you tried bringing him in with you?

did you really leave him crying for 4 hours??? Shock

VelmaDaphne · 25/04/2012 22:38

It's mean.

Bring him into your bed for a few nights and tackle this again when you've caught up on some sleep.

I sympathise, I'm a single mum of 2 and it can be utterly exhausting.

BlackOutTheSun · 25/04/2012 22:40

you poor thing Sad

are you sure you've ruled everything out? has he got over the tummy bug? could he be teething?

maddening · 25/04/2012 22:43

I am the opposite and a total wuss - but I cosleep and ds never sttn haha but I feed him down so don't get the awake for hours thing.

I obviously do not have the answers as my situation is worse haha Grin but you are not alone and there is no right or wrong (just v tired mummies)

usingapseudonym · 25/04/2012 22:45

If he sleeps 7 to 3 that's more in one go than a lot of babies! Have you thought about going to bed as soon as he is down so you have at least had 8hours sleep yourself add can be ready to face the next stage? I personally think leaving to cry is cruel and would bring into bed with me or sit and comfort if at all possible or if he's happy playing but not crying leave with toys in cot but go back and comfort if crying.

You need to stay sane though so would honestly suggest an early night !

GrahamTribe · 25/04/2012 23:11

I've been there and it wasn't until my DC was about the age of yours that I got more than an hour's unbroken sleep a night. The average was waking and screaming (DC not me, but I was close!) 8 times a night. I did the crying it out thing in total desperation. I was a lone parent too. It took about 3 nights of sticking it out but it worked so maybe I can empathise. You're not being cruel, you simply cannot function on a couple of hours sleep night after night. Hopefully you'll crack it soon but for goodness sake, stop beating yourself up about it.

attheendoftheday · 25/04/2012 23:19

I think 4 hours is too long to leave a baby to cry. What about bringing him into your bed?

treas · 26/04/2012 01:31

Did he actually cry for the complete 4 hours or was it just that he was crying when you fell into an exhausted coma and then was crying when you came round?

Spermysextowel · 26/04/2012 01:52

My eldest never slept for more than 45mins at a time til he was 18months, then when he was nearly 2 we took him to visit the French side of the family & we were back to square one. 7-3 is quite a bit of uninterrupted sleep, but 3am is not a great start to the day: you'll get to work feeling like you've already done the night-shift! Maybe you could put his bedtime back by an hour & bring yours forward by the same? Still not ideal but you'll feel less like you've been abducted by Bodysnatchers during the night.

valiumredhead · 26/04/2012 08:35

Maybe he is extra hungry after the tummy bug and can't settle without extra milk? Maybe he still feels poorly. Imo cut him a lot of slack until he is completely better and bouncing around and then get back on track with the routine.

valiumredhead · 26/04/2012 08:36

I think crying for that long is a sign something is wrong. Can't he come into bed with you?

Tee2072 · 26/04/2012 08:40

Your being cruel. There. I said it.

Leaving a baby to cry for 4 hours is mean.

Co-sleep, be awake with him, something.

He needs you. That's why he's crying.

Tee2072 · 26/04/2012 08:40

*you're

hardboiledpossum · 26/04/2012 08:55

I also think it's cruel to leave a child to cry alone for that length of time. He might not have known you were coming back and it was probably incredibly scary for him. Even when controlled crying or cry it out work, it does not mean that you baby is sleeping peacefully, just that they have given up crying. Studies have shown that even after these sleep training methods work and the baby has stopped crying they still have high stress hormones.

www.isisonline.org.uk/how_babies_sleep/sleep_training/considerations/

Bubbaluv · 26/04/2012 09:03

I doubt you could have slept for 3 hours with a howling baby. More likely you left and fell asleep, baby fell asleep shortly after and started crying again 3 hours later which woke you up.

If not then I can only assume that your baby is still unwell.

Longtalljosie · 26/04/2012 09:07

Oh for God's sake, she didn't intentionally leave him to cry for that long, stroking her white cat from her volcano. She was at the end of her rope and turned the monitor off. I've not left a baby for that long but then - crucially - I'm not a single parent. I can quite see how it happened.

I think the suggestion you'll have to go to sleep at 7 is a good one until this is over. You're obviously hugely sleep deprived to have done it and obviously you feel crap about it this morning.

I don't think uncontrolled crying is an option. I think that it might be better to have him in with you from when he wakes up at 3 for a little while until he gets the hang of sleeping until 6/7, and then make moves to have him go back to staying in the cot all night, which might mean a few more disturbed nights...

valiumredhead · 26/04/2012 09:10

I think turning the monitor off is intentionally leaving him to cry long

Tee2072 · 26/04/2012 09:12

Agreed, Valium.

I understand being at the end of your tether. I do. My son didn't sleep through consistently until he was nearly 2.5 and we still have a lot of nights where he doesn't now that's he's 2.10. And I have a husband who does his bit, but that doesn't mean I haven't been there.

Start co-sleeping. Stop leaving him to learn that no one comes when he cries.

DialsMavis · 26/04/2012 09:13

How far away is your bedroom from his? I can't believe you wouldn't hear him crying? DD sleeps on a different floor and we don't even use a monitor but we always wake up if she needs us.

If he was crying alone for that long, then yabu, poor little thing.

When DS was about 2 he had a tummy bug and the GP told me to sleep on his floor to keep an eye on him. Once he was better he kept waking up and wanting me. Instead of just going with it and looking after my baby, I shut him in his room (as he had always been such a perfect sleeper and I believed all that bollocks about making a rod for your own back). It was only for about 30mins. He has been terrified of the dark for 7.5 years now, and it's all my fault Sad

valiumredhead · 26/04/2012 09:30

I also know what it's like with no sleep - ds didn't sleep through til he was 3, I was on my knees with tiredness.

Dials Ds was never afraid of the dark until about 2 years ago, he is nearly 11 now, it might be nothing to do with you leaving him, don't be too hard on yourself.

OP make a plan for tonight so things don't seem so desperate, plan to sleep on his floor or have him in with you. He's still very little. Hope you get a good night tonight :)

BabyDubsEverywhere · 26/04/2012 09:37

I felt very sorry for your DS reading your OP. I cannot imagine leaving a baby/small child so distressed for any length of time, let alone 4 hours! Shock

I really hope you can get some help op, your head must be all over the place to resort to such measures.

Cherriesarelovely · 26/04/2012 09:43

Poor you OP. I used to feel like this when I was a single parent and my DD went through a long phase of being up for hours and hours in the night. I know you didn't intentionally leave your DC to cry for that long but I agree that if he is crying for that long of a period he is probably not feeling that well. I would also have him in with me if I were you. When you are certain that he is feeling well again you could try to get him back into his normal routine. It is VERY hard, I do understand. I really hope you get a better night's sleep tonight.

BoFo · 26/04/2012 12:44

I agree with the others - he shouldn't be left to cry but I do sympathise. My DS is 19ms and has had a similar pattern at night to your LO.
It was triggered by Ilness then he got used to the new routine of
me around. Totally exhausting.

Is you little boy better? What's he like in the day?

Once I'd established DS was better I held him in his cot to comfort him but without picking him up. If he tried to stand, I'd gently ask his to lie down and go to sleep. After asking three times he did and eventually lay in bed, drifted off and went to sleep (took around 45 mins and lots of determination).

I'm sure there's an official name for this, if there is I don't know it, but the folks in 'sleep' are useful for other methods. I just thought I'd share as it seems a kinder option than letting him cry for 4 hours.

StrandedBear · 26/04/2012 12:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Callisto · 26/04/2012 12:57

Jesus, I can't believe you left a 15 month old who has just got over a tummy bug to cry for 4 hours. Did you not even consider that he needed cuddles and contact with his mummy?