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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask DP not to buy me something because I want a more expensive one?

48 replies

GuiltyParty · 25/04/2012 07:53

I'm not materialistic but like most people, I have certain things that I'd rather pay a bit more for. I've recently been saving up to buy myself a watch. It's a white gold designer watch for roughly £150.
My birthday is coming up and DP has kindly said he'd like to buy me the watch. My first reaction was "oh no, it's too expensive, I'll save up for that" so he asked how much it was. I told him and he said "oh I could find it cheaper than that, don't worry!".
I don't want a cheaper one!! Anyway I tried putting him off but he's since sent me links of £20-£30 silver watches which he thinks are "the same" but they're really not.
I was once saving up to buy myself a beautiful white gold bracelet and he said he wanted to get me it. I tried putting him off but he insisted and I ended up with a £10 costume jewellery bracelet which he insists I wear everytime we go out. I don't mean to be horrible but it looks like something a 5 year old would wear.
I just want to buy my watch in peace. How do I make him realise that I don't want a cheap version of the thing I really want?

OP posts:
belgo · 25/04/2012 07:58

Just continue to save up and buy it for yourself. I agree with you, it's better to spend more on soemthing that you really really want rather then waste money on soemthing you don't particularly like.

OddBoots · 25/04/2012 07:58

I think your best bet is to think of something in that price range that you would like then you'd be in a position to tell him that you really, really have your heart set on that exact white gold watch but you would really be thrilled if he could get you 'x'.

Iggly · 25/04/2012 07:59

Suggest something else? He probably thinks he's helping by finding alternatives. Be clear - tell him he's not and you want this specific watch. You're saving for it - it's not as if you're buying it on credit!

valiumredhead · 25/04/2012 08:00

Why can't you tell him all that you have written in your OP?

Proudnscary · 25/04/2012 08:01

Goodness me. No you are not being unreasonable, of course, not.

But honestly what is so hard in just saying 'Thanks dh, those watches are nice but I have my heart set on this one so I'll save up and you can give me £30 towards it'?. That would be the end of it with my dh.

Unless there is more going on in this relationship? Is he just a bit tight or are there money worries or does he like to tell you what you can and can't spend or wear?

Nagoo · 25/04/2012 08:02

suggest something different in his budget that you 'really really' want. :)

Mama1980 · 25/04/2012 08:04

I think you need to be firm say you are saving for it and you have your heart set on this exact one. Suggest he either gives you money towards it or suggest something else in his price range.

PurplePidjin · 25/04/2012 08:06

Tell him that a big part of the value is saving up for something and knowing you've earned it by hard work.

I've spent most of my life skint, but a £30 watch is for every day. It's not a treat, nor is it special.

Original poster
GuiltyParty · 25/04/2012 08:06

I've tried talking to him but he says I'm being "silly" as "what's the point in spending £150 on something when I can get the same thing for £30?"

But it's not the same thing, is it? That's like someone saying they'll buy you a Porsche and then turning up with a peugeot because it's "practically the same thing".

I know he thinks he's being helpful but I find it a little controlling if I'm honest. I feel like I'm not free to buy the things I want.

OP posts:
mercibucket · 25/04/2012 08:07

Tell him you've changed your mind, think of something else you 'really' want, then keep on saving

belgo · 25/04/2012 08:08

'That's like someone saying they'll buy you a Porsche and then turning up with a peugeot because it's "practically the same thing". '

Have you said that to him? Maybe the car analogy will get through to him?

valiumredhead · 25/04/2012 08:09

I'm glad you said it was controlling OP because that's exactly what I thought when I read your post too especially him insisting you wear a certain bracelet - you should wear whatever you want.

belgo · 25/04/2012 08:09

GuiltyParty do you have your own bank account and your own income?

LaurieFairyCake · 25/04/2012 08:11

Agree with the others but I'd also be knocking the idea that it's the 'same' on the head.

If my dh had given me a cheap £10 kids bracelet instead of the one I wanted I'd be really clear about liking it for er......gardening or something but that there was no way it was nice enough to wear on a night out.

If you're not clear about that long term you'll be wearing cheap fakes that kids wear when you're 40 Grin

Original poster
GuiltyParty · 25/04/2012 08:12

Yes I do Belgo, I earn more than he does which is why I feel a bit guilty to be honest but at the same time, I feel I should be entitled to spend my salary on the things I want.

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 25/04/2012 08:12

x-posted

glad to hear you think it sounds controlling. Being told something is the same when it's clearly not is trying to force you to see his view of the world rather than your own.

Original poster
GuiltyParty · 25/04/2012 08:13

Laurie, I find the bracelet really embarrassing to be honest and never wear it unless he's with me and insists.

OP posts:
mayaswell · 25/04/2012 08:13

The simplest way would be to let him get you want he wants to, get the receipt and trade it in for what you want. But it won't solve your problem which is that your dh doesn't value your opinion.
If money is tight and you're being unreasonable and £30 is what you can afford thats one thing, but to be told that something is the same as something else is just ridiculous and a bit demeaning.

diddl · 25/04/2012 08:14

The thing is, as you say, he´s not finding "it" cheaper, is he-he´s looking at something else.

Do you have an "everyday" watch, and the one you want to buy is for "best", or would wear it all the time?

If special, let him buy you an everyday one?

Just being nosy, is it battery or wind up?

I have a couple of battery which I have cast aside in favour of my 30/40+yr old wind up ones!

overmydeadbody · 25/04/2012 08:15

YADNBU

Think of something else that is about £30 that you can convince your DH you want more than the watch.

Tell him if he buys you the 'alternative' watch you will still buy yourself the nice one. Be truthful and blunt with him.

Nagoo · 25/04/2012 08:16

I think he's trying to 'treat you' in a cack-handed way. I don't think it's controlling, but he's not listening.

You'd get a nice pair of earrings for £30. I suggest you 'fall in love' with a pair ASAP.

overmydeadbody · 25/04/2012 08:16

You need to accidentally 'loose' the bracelet.

Original poster
GuiltyParty · 25/04/2012 08:17

I have to go to work now but I'll catch up with this later. Thanks for the opinions x

OP posts:
HateBeingCantDoUpMyJeans · 25/04/2012 08:19

I know, 'lose' tge bracelet and then tell him to get you a jewellery box to keep your precious items in (then buy the watch to cheer yourself up and get over tge grief of losing tge bracelet)

NarkedPuffin · 25/04/2012 08:22

You need to explain to him that it's not the same thing and that this is the one you want - and that you were perfectly happily saving up for. Tell him that you are going to buy it, that you don't want a different one, and that if one happens to appear it's going straight back to the shop.

It's not a gift to buy something for someone that they've repeatedly told you they don't want, and this might just be about him trying to 'fix' things for you, but he doesn't seem to be taking what you're saying. Time to be blunt.

Make sure that there are other things he knows he can buy within his price range.

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