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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Dance show/ 2 year old dd/ do I say something or not?

31 replies

mrsmusic · 24/04/2012 20:59

My 2.8 year old dd goes to a 'mini-movers' dance class each week and this weekend they're part of the dance school's annual show doing one dance - nothing too serious, just fun, obviously! Last week there was a rehearsal at the little theatre where they're doing the performance and as always, we were asked to drop her off and leave and pick her up in an hour (usually it's 45 mins). There was the usual lady who takes their class with them, plus their usual two helpers and another couple of mums. Off they went backstage to see where their dressing room would be etc.

I went back to pick her up and found my way to the dressing room where the children in her group all were (they'd done their run through etc) and couldn't see my dd anywhere. All the adults there looked at me blankly; one of the usual chaperones told me she's probably in the toilet round the corner so took me there; a little boy tagged along with her as he needed the toilet so she stopped to take him to the loo - I'm then starting to get a little frantic as she could've been anywhere and no-one appeared to have any idea she wasn't even there. So proceeded to search in some rooms near the toilets, other changing rooms; I went back to the room where all the others were and two little boys her age told me she'd gone out of the door and pointed which way.

I found her playing at the bottom of a stairwell about to get onto a lift (having a great time in her eyes!).

I left straight away with her, pretty fuming (and bloody relieved I'd found her). No-one got in touch to ask whether I'd found her ok (I know I should've gone back and said); a register of who's there is always, and was that day, always taken.

I feel as though I shouldn't have left her - but she's been going for quite a few months and there's been no problems leaving her when it's the usual class - and we were told that that's what happens that we're expected to leave them at this rehearsal and come back for them, they're being looked after etc.

I was going to ring the lady who's in charge of the school just to make her aware of what had happened (and let her know I'll be on door duty of their dressing room at the show even though we've been asked not to be back stage, just in case of any escapees!). Or am I overreacting?

OP posts:

mellowcat · 24/04/2012 21:03

No, not overreacting, I would be beyond furious...why on earth have they not called to check/apologise/grovel.

I would be kicking up a storm.

rhondajean · 24/04/2012 21:04

Are you not allowed to stay in the building? We were with all three dance schools my DDs went to.

PurplePidjin · 24/04/2012 21:06

You're taking her back

lolajane2009 · 24/04/2012 21:07

these people shoulnt be responsible for children imo. i'd be fuming

valkilly · 24/04/2012 21:08

Don't think you are overreacting at all. I would be furious if this happened to my young child. Luckily your DD was fine and unaware that anything was wrong, but what if something had happened, or your DD had been upset at being separated from the others?

You don't say how many children were there but there should have been a certain ratio of adults to children, with each adult taking responsibility for a set group of children. I would be having strong words with the owner of the school and would have no qualms about being that Mum who insists on being backstage.

YANBU at all

MerryMarigold · 24/04/2012 21:09

That's terrible! You're not overreacting (and I am a laidback parent). They should have allocated a certain group of kids to each adult so that everyone knew who they were keeping an eye on. Without that things like this can happen. I also think it's better to have 2 people involved in taking children to the loo for safety reasons/ allegations. They should have kept doors shut. She could have wandered off anywhere or been picked up anyone working in the theatre. I would have been very scared.

Original poster

mrsmusic · 24/04/2012 21:09

Thanks for the replies - was nervous about posting on here but it's really angered me!

We can stay and wait while they do their usual class in the same building; wasn't that clear about the rehearsal but no other parents were and we were told to drop them off. I will be staying next time!

I will call the lady for a chat - I still want my dd to go as she loves it! But it could've ended up a lot worse and other children could have wandered off without them realising too, which is very worrying.

OP posts:

Original poster

mrsmusic · 24/04/2012 21:11

Ok I got replies while I was posting - feel very reassured it's not just me. Will be phoning her tomorrow - or would it be better I went to talk to her face to face?

OP posts:

Cherriesarelovely · 24/04/2012 21:11

That is absolutely terrible, what a nightmare. You are not overreacting at all OP. I would be inclined to say that if you can't stay with her then you will not leave her there.

Cherriesarelovely · 24/04/2012 21:12

do whatever you feel most comfortable doing OP but you are in the right, don't worry about that. Hope it goes ok.

DogEared · 24/04/2012 21:14

OMG! 2.8 years old! My DS is that age and he's nowhere near old enough to be wandering round unattended. YANBU at all!

Jinsei · 24/04/2012 21:20

Definitely not an overreaction. I would be asking them for an explanation if I were you.

This isn't about making a fuss with regard to your dd, who was thankfully unharmed by the experience. It's about making those responsible stop to consider their dangerous practices now, so that another child doesn't wander off in future and get lost, injured or whatever.

PurplePidjin · 24/04/2012 21:22

They need 1 adult to every 4 children, and what do they do about nappy changes?

PooPooInMyToes · 24/04/2012 21:23

That is disgraceful! I wouldn't be sending her back!

MerryMarigold · 24/04/2012 21:25

In our 2-3yr old class in our church we have 1: 3 ratio of adults: kids, so 1:4 is quite generous. And we are required to have 2 people taking children to the toilet (usually a group of kids).

greenandcabbagelooking · 24/04/2012 21:28

Not over-reacting at all. I would definatly 'phone the person in charge.

I'm a dance teacher, here is how it works at my school.

Youngest children (aged 3 -6ish) are in one dressing room. About 25 children supervised/helped/entertained by around 6 parents and a senior student/someone involved in the running of the school. All adults wear a name badge. Children must ask to go to the loo, and are escorted there and back. Children must be signed in/out at the beginning/end of each show by parent. No parents other than those helping are allowed backstage. Children are also collected from and returned to the dressing room when it's time for them to go on stage.

Our middle children (aged 6-11ish) must ask to go to the loo, but can go in pairs without an adult.

Seniors (11 upwards) must tell someone they're going, and tell the same person when they are back.

Signing in/out applies to all.

rhondajean · 24/04/2012 21:29

Sorry I should have said straight off YANBU btw.

I would definitely stay in future. However that isnt to imply that they should not have taken better care of your child.

greenandcabbagelooking · 24/04/2012 21:30

Purple, where are you getting the "need 1:4 from?

Lastofthepodpeople · 24/04/2012 21:36

YANBU! I would be fuming if I were you. A child that age could get into all sorts of trouble unsupervised.

dixiechick1975 · 24/04/2012 21:44

I'd speak to the person in charge but think about a different dance school.

I helped at DD's 1st dance show last year. She was 5 - dance school don't let younger than that participate as it is too much for them - in a big theatre, evenings etc.

To help backstage you had to be a licensed matron. Had to have interview at local childrens services dept, crb check, pass a safeguarding children exam online. There are strict rules re ratios etc.

I'll help again but would be very happy for my daughter to be in the show again even if I wasn't - dance school very professional and the girls were well looked after backstage.

I know the local childrens dept does spot checks - the panto in the same theatre got checked as there were children appearing in that.

MrsShitty · 24/04/2012 21:56

I agree with dixie no way would I ever let my DD stay there alone at that age....my DDs dance class MAKES the parents stay and these are older kids.

You could have had a horror story there...they sound amateur and careless.

PurplePidjin · 24/04/2012 21:57

Cabbage, nursery staffing levels at age 2-3 are 1:4. Having worked it, I'm not sure you'd want fewer staff, especially trying to do an organized activity

dixiechick1975 · 24/04/2012 22:07

Had a quick look at the guidelines on my local authority website - it says legally one matron can supervise upto 12 children but the authority may consider less is appropriate if children are younger, mixed sexes etc.

Have a look on your local council website - search matron or chaperone.

It also clearly says that the only people who can supervise at parents or a licensed matron.

DeWe · 24/04/2012 22:09

If you are paying for the show it needs to be licenced with the council and all the helpers have to be licenced chaperones.

I can't remember the numbers rule for under 5yo, but over 5yo you only need 1 chaperone per 12 children.

You can't be backstage unless you are a licenced chaperone and registered for that particular performance.

I think (off the top of my head) that if you are rehearsing in the theatre it is basically the same rules as a perfomance, but I may be not right there.

Now toileting is actually mentioned very specifically. No child is allowed to leave the room designated to go to the toilet without a chaperone. Adults are not allowed to use the same toilets as the children. I was chaperoning last night with 8-13yr olds, and the toilets were round the corner from the changing room. If they wanted to go to the toilet they had to ask and a chaperone would go with them and stay outside the door and escort them back. Children weren't very impressed, particularly the older ones.

A register should be taken giving time of arrival and time of leaving. There is a limit to how long, and what hours children can be there, so the council could ask to look at this to check the children are in the law limits.

If you contact your "children in work/children in entertainment" department at the council they may come down heavily on the dance school. The show could even be cancelled if they chose to take that stance.

I'd mention to the dance leader your concerns, if she doesn't take it seriously, ask her if she's registered the performances with the council. She'll probably say she doesn't need to. If you are paying then she is wrong and she should be registered. Depends on how concerned you are as to whether you take it up. If she is registered there's not a small chance the council will come to inspect it, but you could increase the chance by expressing concern to the council, and round here they would definitely inspect a performance if you did.

dixiechick1975 · 24/04/2012 22:26

Yes DeWe explains it alot better than me.

I enjoyed helping but it was a big commitment to be get registered as a licensed matron - you can't just have a few mums helping out. Once registered it lasts 3 years.

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