Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be totally fed up of living in a shit tip created by DH and DCs and I'm the only mug clearing it up?

66 replies

sensesworkingovertime · 24/04/2012 20:35

My day so far:-

Up at 6am putting out bins.
In a nutshell, don't need to spell it out to other mums with school age kids, getting kids up, clothes ready, lunches made, kits ready, homework ready and off to school.
Food shopping
washing in/hung outside
hoovering done
Here's the biggy;- phoning council re the problems left with the (free)cavity wall insulation yesterday and spending nigh on 2-3 hours on phone to idiots who cannot give me straight answer.
Cancelling much needed hair app due to previous prob.
And sandwiched in between all this shit, CLEANING UP ALL THE CRAP THAT DH AND DCs ARE CONSTANTLY LEAVING AROUND THE HOUSE SO THAT THE PLACE GENERALLY LOOKS LIKE A COMPLETE SHIT TIP. I am sick of constantly 'nagging' (us women always nag don't we - sarcasm) so that other people get off their arses and help.

Rant over.....and breathe.

OP posts:
Chopstheduck · 25/04/2012 10:20

I know how you feel. Just pick their stuff up, and put it in their beds, or throw it out the window Grin

I know how you feel. I dont want to see their crap laying around elsewhere. I tell them to pick it up once. If they don't it gets either thrown out or dumped in their room. I put DD's schoolbag in the bin once cos I was sick of seeing it dumped. It didn't get left again.

And when the 7yo dts refused to pick up stuff off their floor - argueing about whose socks they were to pick up, I went in there and tipped the whole drawer full of socks out for them to pick up. Now, if I offer to 'tidy up' for them, they soon do it!

minimisschief · 25/04/2012 10:42

it isn't a men issue. in our house its the opposite i clean up after the lady and the kids.

it purely comes down to what you consider a shit tip. just because you are a bit anal about coats on the floor or glasses on tables or whatever doesn't mean your husband sees it the same way.

he probably thinks your bonkers about these 'issues' which is why he doesnt do anything about it.

people around here chuck coats on chairs and leave glasses paces unless needed again. I dont get pissy about it because its not actualy bad is it. we are not living in squalor. I tidy it up because it bugs me

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 25/04/2012 10:45

My DH makes loads of mess but expects the house to be showhome standard and expects me to make it to showhome standard! He soon gets put straight on that issue

OldGreyWiffleTest · 25/04/2012 11:04

Your best friends are black bin bags. It all gets put in there and dumped in the garden/garage. Serve DH's dinner on a tea plate until he cleans up the study. All other crap gets dumped in their beds (which they don't know about until they are tired and want to sleep). Don't put up with it.

My mother warned us and warned us. Came home from school one day to find all our stuff in the dustbin. Vivid memories of riffling through to get my things, and favourite doll, back. Never did it again!

startail · 25/04/2012 11:14

DD2 has invited a friend to stay and undoutably will get in a huff when asked to tidy tomorrow.

May I rant in advanceWink

samithesausage · 25/04/2012 11:19

I hear you! The children leave stuff on the floor including wrappers, yoghurt pots, lids etc., and get their stuff out. Plus we have a cupboard filled with crap that we are not allowed to get rid of because various relatives have given it to us and would be rude to throw away! (been told by said relative that we can't throw away knackered rugs and they don't want them back because they are knackered! Argh!)

Join you in pouring Wine on cornflakes!

littlemslazybones · 25/04/2012 11:27

I love looking after the kids.

I fookin' hate the groundhog day relentlessness that is picking up the same shit day in and out. AAARRRGGGHHH!!!!

I console myself with the thought that I live in an age of washing machines, dishwashers and tumble dryers because otherwise I might go batshit crazy.

melika · 25/04/2012 11:27

YANBU it really gets to you doesn't it. If only they helped a little, you wouldn't feel so bad. I feel like a chambermaid, you are not alone.

diddl · 25/04/2012 11:36

Does your husband leave stuff around because he thinks that it´s up to you to put it away or because it doesn´t bother him?

BoysBoysBoysAndMe · 25/04/2012 11:41

Cleaning and tidying are the most thankless tasks in the world.

I don't actually mind doing it.

I mind that, by 7pm after homework, dinners cooked and eaten, dog walked again and general playing etc - you cannot tell I spent a few hours cleaning and tidying earlier in the day.

But, I don't have to do it. I do it because my dh hard at work and I want my family to live in a nice home Wink

Get a brew, read a mag for a bit and chill out. An afternoon off a week will do you good.

diddl · 25/04/2012 12:35

"my dh hard at work and I want my family to live in a nice homeWink"

Yes, but that doesn´t mean that they should be making work for you, does it?

For example my husband hangs his coat in hall, puts shoes on shelf there, gets changed, putting stuff that needs a wash in washbox & hanging up anything that doesn´t.

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 25/04/2012 12:46

To me, diddl has hit the nail on the head!

I have no problem whatsoever in doing housework; hoovering, dusting, cleaning the kitchen, doing the laundry, cleaning the bathrooms etc, but what I DO resent is having to tidy up and skivvy after everyone as no one puts anything in the wash basket or their shoes away or hangs their coat up.

redwineformethanks · 25/04/2012 13:16

Here's my solution............and it's worked a treat in this house..........

buy yourself plenty of underwear so your family run out before you and they will start to do laundry

don't keep picking up other people's towels from the floor. Just keep helping yourself to nice clean ones from the cupboard. By the time 5 towels are on the floor, other people begin to be irritated by it and start picking them up

Invite your MIL over for Sunday lunch - works a treat in our house. Whenever MIL is coming, DH suddenly ups his game and starts tidying up

cotswolds84 · 25/04/2012 13:44

Invite your MIL over for Sunday lunch - works a treat in our house. Whenever MIL is coming, DH suddenly ups his game and starts tidying up

Sadly that doesn't work for me. MIL would probably think its my job to have a clean and tidy house. It wouldn't reflect badly on him.

redwineformethanks · 25/04/2012 14:16

I sympathise. Different tricks for different people, eh?

ErnesttheBavarian · 25/04/2012 14:32

How old are your dc?

I get fed up of this, as tbh we are all very messy, but I am the one who is bothered by it, and I am the one that tidies. BUT I am also really crap at it.

Anyway, now we have a system that every evening after dinner, the kids shower then help tidy the sitting room/kitchen, plus, each kid has 2 jobs each (clear stairs, clean bathroom, take recycling out etc etc, and bingo, most of it is done, and no nagging needed - you can watch tv when your 2 jobs are done. no need for discussion at all)

You just need a system, consequences for not sticking to it, and then be brave and do it. Your house and life will be transformed :)

diddl · 25/04/2012 15:02

MIL over for lunch?-I´d rather a messy house!Grin

YonWhaleFish · 25/04/2012 15:11

My mums solution was to chuck all our crap into a binbag and onto our beds. Grin

PostBellumBugsy · 25/04/2012 15:23

Stop doing it then! Only you can make the change here. For whatever reason your DH & DCs think you are the household slave & they aren't going to change unless they have to.
I'm a single working mum & unless my DCs help me, they don't get to do all the fun stuff they want to do. Started when they were teeny weeny & I used to get them to help put the toys away at the end of the day and then we could have bed time story - no tidy toys, no story. Now, if they want me to drive them around to parties, clubs, sports etc at the weekend, then they have to help out first. It is like puppy training - lots of rewards for good behaviour! Grin

amieis · 25/04/2012 15:45

YANBU!!!!
My dp thinks that I sit on my arse all day doing nothing. He must think the fairies come in and pick all his dirty clothes up off the floor and wash/iron them. And clean the kitchen. And cook his dinner. And look after our 2 month old dd. Yep. I just grab myself a cuppa and sit with my feet up 24/7.
Its not the fact I have to do these things (my dp is at work all day 6 days a week) but the fact he doesn't appreciate it that is irritating!!!
I went into town for ONE HOUR this morning and asked him to hang washing on the airer, put another load in and watch dd. I come home to find the washing still in the basket, wet washing still in a pile and dd screaming for a new nappy....
I give up!!!

Agincourt · 25/04/2012 15:49

I really sympathise with this too.

sheepgomeep · 25/04/2012 15:57

Im as messy as my kids as ds so helpfully pointed out so I dont have a case when it comes to moaning about my untidy house.

Cos I is just as bad Grin

Willowisp · 25/04/2012 16:00

Yanbu. But don't moan about it, leave the clearing up for them.

Also start the dc's doing little chores. My 2 have to take their plates to the sink, bring their water bottles down in the morning, have tomorrow clothes ready (which seems to have been forgotten...) put their clothes in the washing bin. It does make a difference.

They get pocket money for doing so & after about a month, its almost 2nd nature.

If they leave toys on the floor, I tell them to pick them or else they get put in the bin Grin

tabbycat7 · 25/04/2012 16:06

Also sympathetic. I too am a SAHM mum except on Tuesdays. I have no problem with hoovering, dusting, laundry, cooking, washing up, running around after the DSes (they're 6, 4 and 2), but I do mind picking up theirs and DH's crap. If they can get the stuff out in the first place, surely they can put it away, but I get so fed up nagging about the same things, and getting DS2 particularly to do anything is such a battle, it's often easier to just do it myself. I think maybe they've started to realise, I've been incapacitated with morning sickness, so now the place is a proper shithole :(

OverwhelmedMuch · 25/04/2012 16:15

Im on maternity leave with 10 week old DD and dont mind doing the chores but i get fed up of asking my not so DP to do the odd thing to help as i feel like ive hit the repeat button, he seems to think i do nothing all day!

prime example is a box of his clothes in our bedroom, ive asked him for 6 weeks to sort through it into washing and ironing and although im getting fed up of asking him i refuse to give in and do it for him when he has 3 days off a week, does nothing to help and spends his evenings playing football manager on the laptop!

other things that make me want to wring his neck are wet towels, pants and socks on the floor waiting for me to put in the wash basket! I have stopped doing this and after a few days he realises they're still there and does it himself but it depends on whether you can bare to look at them for a few days or not.