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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Renewel of Vows

35 replies

Fluffy1234 · 24/04/2012 14:11

My DH has come up with a really lovely idea of going back to a Caribbean island we last went to 14 years ago when I was pregnant with DS2. I was looking at the website and noticed you can renew your wedding vows there. We would have been married for 16 years and had some rough patches but are now in a good place. Do you think this is a really sad/ cheesy thing to do. My husband is up for it as long as it is low key. I have lost loads and loads of weight and think having this to look forward to would help with maintaining it and just feel excited about it but not sure if it is a bit silly as already had a wedding.

OP posts:
squoosh · 24/04/2012 14:14

Honestly, I do think the renewal of vows thing is a bit naff and reeks a bit of Cheryl Baker doing a 10 page spread in OK magazine. . . . .

. . . . . BUT, who cares what a randomer on the internet thinks. You want to celebrate your relationship and your weight loss (congrats btw) go for it! Who's going to say no to a great holiday! Heck I'll renew some vows with your husband Grin

cwtch4967 · 24/04/2012 14:18

I HATE the phrase RENEWAL OF VOWS!!!! They don't need to be renewed - as far as I'm aware they only expire when one partner dies or by divorce.

You can reaffirm your vows, bit naff in my opinion but each to their own.........

BlackAffronted · 24/04/2012 14:20

I love it when people call it "renewal of vowels", as I have seen a few times Grin I always want to ask "what, no consonants?! lol

Sorry OP, nothing to do with your thread sorry Blush

BlackAffronted · 24/04/2012 14:20

If its just you, Dh & your children, it could be lovely :)

SixSiblings · 24/04/2012 14:45

We are going to renew our vows in a few years time, for a big anniversary. I think these are my dos and don'ts of renewals:

Do:
Go away and do it on holiday somewhere special
Involve the DC if you can so its a family thing
Really enjoy it

Don't:
Expect everyone that came to your wedding to drop everything and come to your renewal, they won't
Expect any presents
Expect others to care, plenty of people think its naff
Wear your original wedding dress
Apologise for wanting a renewal even if others think its naff

I think it is sometimes thought that only couples recovering from a rocky patch (affairs etc) have a renewal but for us its just that we were young and skint when we got married and I want a chance to do something special just for us now that we can save up and have what we want. I want to be able to buy a pretty dress Blush though won't be going for the full bridal dress, just something beautiful.

I want a small ceremony with DH, the DC and I, with all of us dressed up nicely taking the time to tell each other that we love each other and that we continue to be utterly committed to our family. If others think its naff well I don't care, they aren't invited anyway!!!

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 24/04/2012 14:47

if it makes you feel good do it or just take a bottle of fizz, and have a moonlight stroll on the beach hand in hand and toast yourselves with a few lovely wordsmore meaningful than a stranger doing a public waffle. Grin

Fluffy1234 · 24/04/2012 14:48

It would just be my DH, myself and our children on the beach and me in a nice summer dress. I think I will go for it.

OP posts:
SixSiblings · 24/04/2012 14:53

Fluffy Sounds great, do it. The only time I have known people to be really Hmm about a renewal was when the renewal was going to be a massive full on white wedding all over again only 5 years after the first big white wedding. There were save the date cards, invites and a gift list, you get the picture. Thankfully we were on holiday away so had a valid excuse for not going but all the family felt duty bound to go and most made this face Hmm

One friend did what you are planning recently, beach holiday, summer dress with the immediate family. Most people just think they went for a family holiday, they kept it quite quiet, just something special for them to enjoy.

Debsbear · 24/04/2012 15:07

I've always wondered why people did this, but must admit that recently have been thinking it would be a nice idea. I wouldn't expect anyone else to get excited by the fact that we were doing it but I think it would be a lovely thing to do. (We've also been married 16 years! maybe it's something to do with that!!)

Fluffy1234 · 24/04/2012 15:12

Yes 16 years certainly feels like a big achievement at times!

OP posts:
upahill · 24/04/2012 15:15

I always thought it was a bit of a rubbish thing but having read Patsy Palmer's interview and why she is doing it I suddenly wondered what I had against it.

Do what makes your life happy.

LaurieFairyCake · 24/04/2012 15:16

Everyone I have ever known has got divorced afterwards

Grin
AutumnSummers · 24/04/2012 15:18

If doing it would mean something to the both of you then that's about the only thing that matters. I think it's a lovely idea!

Fluffy1234 · 24/04/2012 15:19

LaurieFairyCake, I did think that. Don't really want to jinx my marriage.

OP posts:
Agincourt · 24/04/2012 15:21

I hope you don't take this the wrong way but it screams to me that either party has had an affair. My dh suggested we do it (15 yr this year) and I did ask him if he had had an affair. i don't know why! I just don't seethe need to get 'married' twice iykwim and I think if you want to make a public declaration than have an anniversary party. But that's just me :) good luck with whatever you decide

Pandemoniaa · 24/04/2012 15:21

I've always had a slight suspicion that renewal of vowels vows is yet another invention by the wedding industry who seem keen to part people from their money at every turn. However, I have known people who have reaffirmed their vows in rather more meaningful circumstances, in their case to coincide with their 25th wedding anniversary.

What does astonish me, and confirm my cynicism, are those couples who renew their vows a couple of years into the marriage on the basis that everything didn't match their expectation of perfection at the original wedding. Thus vast expense is incurred as yet another full meringue of a frock is bought and favours, seating plans and family arguments are once again thrown into the unfortunate package.

It sounds as if you are planning a much more low-key event, OP and if you fancy the idea, then go for it.

geekette · 24/04/2012 15:23

You think it is a lovely idea, he is up for it, you have a secondary motive, what do you care of the opinion of strangers???

squoosh · 24/04/2012 15:26

I loved the scene in Gavin and Stacey where the couple, whose names escape me (he was ginger, she despised him) renew their vows using song lyrics. She uses Michael Jackson's 'Ben', about a rat. :)

Agincourt · 24/04/2012 15:26

dawn and pete :o

Fluffy1234 · 24/04/2012 15:29

I don't think I want a public declaration, or guests or presents or invites or anything, infact hadn't even thought about a renewel before. But we just got back from a massive adventure holiday and my DH said for our next holiday let's go back to a Caribbean island and chill on the beach. I then look on the website and see a picture of a family standing in a wedding gazebo thing and think that looks good. I could get a size 10 dress and some good photos. Either myself or DH having an affair hadn't crossed my mind.

OP posts:
upahill · 24/04/2012 15:30

Like Patsy Palmer, who I mentioned before, my wedding was rather rushed and I regret being a bit half hearted about it. Not about marriage mind, I love being married but I do wish I had made a bit more of an effort.

With that thought in mind I can really see why some people would want to renew. They may have more money about them, want things done slightly different, anything.
It doesn't hurt anyone - that's why I say go somewhere where you have always wanted to go and enjoy yourselves!

catseverywhere · 24/04/2012 15:45

Well, I used to think it was a bit naff, but mainly because I'd only ever 'heard' of people doing it, rather than know anyone who did. But then, a couple of years ago, I was invited to one.

The couple had been through possibly the hardest of times I could imagine - she is seriously ill with a condition that will never go away and which threatened her life for a while. It is under control now but could flare up again at any time. It didn't just threaten her life, it briefly tested their marriage (and anyone who says 'well he said for better or for worse, and them's the chances we take') has no idea, none.

The ceremony was beautiful - it was the 2 of them standing there saying to each other, and to their 2 daughters who have been through it all too, 'look, no matter how bad it got, and how bad it might yet become, we never regret what we said in our first ceremony all those years ago and want to say it again'. Not a dry eye in the house. Not to mention the amazing piss-up party after, some of which I cannot remember due to an unfortunate case of glugging wine with every other female present, including the bride, her mother, her sister, and many others tiredness.

ripsishere · 24/04/2012 16:18

My DH wants to do it this year (25th), I've said no. I would be too self conscious and it would be hypocritical. He wants to do it in church, I am an atheist. So, for me no, for you it sounds OK.

YouOldSlag · 24/04/2012 16:49

I think it's rather sweet OP. It's between you and your DH so you two are the only people who need to think it's OK.

As other posters have said, it's only cringey when it's done like a white wedding. That comes across as attention seeking and showy. (I can't help thinking of Jordan renewing her vows to PA in full wedding gown and having a "hen" before the church blessing with Alex Reid even though they were already married)

You and your DH expect nothing from anyone else and are doing it quietly, which makes it all the more meaningful. Go for it and enjoy your time together.

hattymattie · 24/04/2012 18:22

My DH said the same as LaurieFairycake - everyone who does this seems to be jinxed. I think do it low key.