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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be abit annoyed with friend..

26 replies

celebmum · 23/04/2012 20:55

No sure of annoyed is the right word to be honest.. Miffed?

She's owes me some money money, not a fortune but about £70. Made up of a few instances of borrowing £20/£30. Anyway DH came home today and said he'd spoke to her DH (we all get on etc) and he told him that she'd spent nearly £400 on their DS this weekend on clothes (from one of those designer outlet places) Hmm

I know she earns very good money, and I understand kids need new clothes (constantly!) but I've seen her a few times these past few weeks and she hasn't offered me my money back. Although I havent outright asked for it back, just more of a "just give it me back next time blah blah"

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 23/04/2012 20:56

well just ask her outright for the money and stop pussyfooting around!

RedHelenB · 23/04/2012 20:57

I would say outright that you need it back now & in the future not lend her money.

Original poster
celebmum · 23/04/2012 20:57

I feel a bit petty now I've read that written down....! Blush

OP posts:
PoorEv · 23/04/2012 21:14

I don't think it's petty. I've always been brought up to pay off any debts before I treat myself.
Obviously clothes for children are a necessity, as they are constantly growing, but if she can afford to spend £400 in one go (Shock) then she can afford to give you your money back!

HecateTrivia · 23/04/2012 21:16

Tell her you need it back. You've been so casual about it, perhaps she's taken you at your word.

Call her. Say that you need that £70 by such and such a date. Thanks.

FirstLastEverything · 23/04/2012 21:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ilovesooty · 23/04/2012 21:26

It's not at all petty. Ask for it back and don't lend her any more!

letseatgrandma · 23/04/2012 21:35

How is it that she owes that much dribs and drabs? I don't mean to have a go, but most people are lent money and then wouldn't ask for any more when they still owed some!? Does she know how much it's added up to or will she be stroppy and quibble about the amount?

You are not being unreasonable, but I wouldn't have lent her any more when she hadn't given the first lot back.

Peacocklady · 23/04/2012 21:39

I'm the same, I find it so hard to ask for money back when clearly the borrower knows so surely they should pay up unprompted. But if you think about it, they're taking the piss so why should you pussyfoot around? It's always uncomfortable, there's never an ideal time so just ask for it back now, say you can fetch it on whatever day and double check 2 days before. Don't lend again either. I learned the hard way.

pumpkinsweetie · 23/04/2012 21:41

Ask her straight & don't lend money to her again

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 23/04/2012 22:19

I would let the amount go if you can afford it but I would a) Never ever lend her anything again and b) Seriously consider whether I wanted to continue the friendship with someone who was disrespectful and pisstaking enough to borrow money from me, not pay it back and then go off and spend £400 on clothes!

AmberLeaf · 23/04/2012 22:24

Although I havent outright asked for it back, just more of a "just give it me back next time blah blah

Thats why she hasnt given it back yet.

Shes doing exactly what you told her to do, so YABU!

Angelico · 23/04/2012 22:29

YANBU to be annoyed but don't lend her money again and do ask for it back - as others have said end of the month is a good time to ask for it.

Kladdkaka · 23/04/2012 22:46

Maybe she's like me. Blush It would never occur to me to give back small sums of money borrowed from a friend (which I've never done) because it wouldn't cross my mind to want it back if I lent it.

Noqontrol · 23/04/2012 22:48

Just say you need it and is she able to give it back by a certain date as you're a bit skint at the mo.

ThreadWatcher · 23/04/2012 22:52

You need to actually ask for it back
And dont lend her money again.

I have never spent £400 on clothes in one day for a whole family let alone one DS - silly amount of money imho

Minshu · 23/04/2012 22:53

I am known for never carrying enough cash on me, so can understand how someone can end up borrowing in dribs and drabs. But I do always try to pay back before it happens again Blush

Just point it out next time you arrange to see her - that lunch is on her 'cos she owes you £70.

loopydoo · 23/04/2012 22:59

What about saying:

If you feel like popping over for a cuppa on (insert time of your choice), I could grab that £70 off you. DD/DS needs some new [shoes] this week". Then if she says she doesn't have time to pop over for a cuppa, say you'll pop by [insert day] to collect it then.

NotInGuatemalaNowDrRopata · 23/04/2012 23:02

Kladdkaka, that's not borrowing and lending, that's just giving! Grin

Kladdkaka · 23/04/2012 23:06

Yeah, I know. That's probably why I'm always skint.

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 23/04/2012 23:07

LOL at Kladkakka not giving money back as it's only small amounts. I wouldn't say £20 or £30 a pop is a small amount and I don't think it would enter most peoples' heads to borrow money with no intention of repaying it

Kladdkaka · 23/04/2012 23:13

It's not my fault. My granddad made me do it. His mantra was that you should never lend what you cannot afford to give and if you can afford to give it, give it. See, not my fault.

EllenParsons · 23/04/2012 23:15

£70 is a fair amount to have borrowed. A tenner I might let it go but for that amount I would expect the friend to offer it back without having to chase her too much... so YANBU, I would also be a bit Hmm You will probably have to ask her directly if she is not going to give it back of her own accord!

youarekidding · 23/04/2012 23:21

Kladd Thats actually a lovely saying. Smile

Just ask for it back OP.

IsLovingAndGiving · 23/04/2012 23:21

I'd definitely be miffed if someone hadn't repaid £70. YANBU!