Fish knives and coasters

[seoladair]

Back from ILs again. The fish knives made another appearance (fish pie this time rather than fish-cakes; fish knives still unnecessary IMO!)
Anyway. More etiquette conundrums!
Apparently we're not allowed to refer to the mats we put our wine glasses on as "coasters", and the wine bottle coaster can only be described as a "coaster" not as a "wine bottle coaster". Etiquette experts, is this correct? And if so, why should I care?!!

Barrister - hilarious article - but it explains a lot. My ILs are much older than my parents - ILs were born in the 30s.
The article says....
"The issue of U and non-U could have been taken lightheartedly, but at the time many took it very seriously. This was a reflection of the anxieties of the middle class in Britain of the 1950s, recently emerged from post-war austerities"....
so when my ILs were 20-somethings, this kind of stuff WAS important, it seems.
I shall just smile tolerantly....

I have some fish knives somewhere. I think they are in the bottom of the cupboard under the oven. Hmm..

I do have mats/coasters now though. I didn't until last month. But then we got a new coffee table - and I would really rather it didn't get damaged.

We don't have them, or table mats of any type, on the proper table though. It doesn't need them.

Nothing wrong with mats/coasters and nothing wrong with wanting to protect your table. But I think it's good not to get knickers in a twist about the terminology.
(untangles knickers, which have been twisted up since last trip to ILs.)

Seoladair - as well as your Twan, you can also have an Twain - Thing With An Inappropriate Name.

Okay, I'm going for the common as muck approach here, the only things I've heard referred to as drink mats are those thick paper ones you get in pubs. If this is what your MIL has on her table then obviously YABU to call them coasters!

My MIL puts out proper napkins, but you're not supposed to use them because then she'll have to wash them! That's angry MIL not me, I'm too busy quietly giggling to be angry

A Twain! That sounds good - I will try it on my next visit.
I'm not 100 % sure they do call coasters drinks mats; it's just that you're not supposed to call them coasters apparently - that word is reserved for the silver wine bottle holder thingummy.

Maybe you could think up other names for the coasters and drive the woman mad! I suggest calling all things you put under the cups and glasses Doilies now and then change to something else when she gets all irate.

My mother inherited a canteen of cutlery from her mother. Plenty of fish-knives; but where did the sauce-spoons go?

I use fish knives - but then I'm a dinasour - I make 5 course dinnere (not often) and I like to see the table set with the appropriate cuttlery and glass ware.

Coasters though - no, they should only be used for informal drinks on the coffee table, NOT at the dinner table.

I have, er, form in the U and Non-U Department. I blame my mother but that's another story altogether.

Anyhoo, "coasters", like "serviettes" are not suitable items for tables or polite society. One puts one's drink down on a mat if necessary but the table should be set in a manner that permits the placing of wine glasses directly onto the tablecloth. Which is, of course, sent to the laundry afterwards. This all assumes we are still living in the last century of course and can get the staff....

I have a set of silver grapefruit spoons DH bought for me because I accidentally watched them on ebay but I cannot stand grapefruit.

So I will be using them for strawberry and mint ice-cream the wrong fruit but I don't care. They are lovely spoons.

Grapefruit spoons make it easier to eat grapefruit. But I wouldn't put them on the table if I was having a glass of grapefruit juice. That to me would be akin to MIL's fish knives for fish cakes.

I am definitely more pragmatic than posh so would rather keep the tablecloth free of red wine stains by using coasters. MIL does have a daily part-time "treasure" so she can afford to let the tablecloth get messy.

Just out of interest, are placemats frowned upon as well? If not, why not?

OP, why let off steam? You are unbelievably lucky to have this free entertainment. And also outstandingly generous to share it with us. Please keep us posted on all developments.

Just out of interest, are placemats frowned upon as well? If not, why not?

We use chargers.

Table napkins were always double damask and starched. Family had to fold, but visitors were allowed to scrumple and leave on the tablecloth.

Posh fish eaters were like the ones shown in the link, the less posh had been allowed to have their handles in hot water, and the little rings were loose. Their handles were a sort of yellowy gold colour. Seem to remember eating fish fingers with them when little. However, they were inherited.

Not like the '50s hostess trolley - that was a wedding present from a high-up in the shipping world in Liverpool.

We have no fish knives ( my GP didn't have money so we just inherited our good looks lol) , but I can swiftly debone a fish with a couple of forks, does that make me u or n-u? I also say loo, sofa, dinner jacket, mad, die graveyard, false teeth and napkin. I think it probably means I'm more common than I thought I was

I have and use cake forks. What's more they are from IKEA. Not being British I don't give a hoot what is U and non-U (or WAS at least - you are all aware of when Nancy Mitford wrote?). I do however immensely enjoy these discussions, the 'rules' people complicate their lives with are hugely entertaining.

My dd found some leftover pavlova in the fridge last night still in it's packet. She took it to eat, out of the box, in front of the tv- but she took a spoon and a fork to eat it with! Not sure what's going on there!

I like placemats.

I dislike coasters. A lot.

seeker-what should she have used?

I would have thought the fork was to defend anyone trying to get near the leftovers - stab with the fork whilst eating with the spoon

I love pavlova so could see the sense in arming myself with a fork if it was the last piece

Well, I suppose a spoon and fork- but I would only use a spoon and fork for my pudding in more formal circumstances than eating out of the box in from to Made in Chelsea!

The defence issue is a good point- maybe she forgot her little brother is away for the week!