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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to stop going to church over this?

71 replies

porcamiseria · 23/04/2012 10:38

I am very upset over this, more sad than angry

we have been attending a local church since DC1 was tiny, has DC2 baptised there
Attendee numbers are low, and getting lower

Issue is, there is nowhere for my 2 "lively" DC to go

there is a small room that is used as a creche, however noone uses it any more (they go to sunday school)- so end up sitting there on my own. fxxk that. I am not going to church to be sat in a small room on my own with my DS, I may as well go to park

if we stay in church, they are disruptive, so thats a NO GO

there IS sunday school, and alot of the younger kids go (ie same age). But mine are not welcome as they are a bit disruptive. That said, so are some of the others and they get a welcome. but for months now we go in, as other of same age are there, get a stony glare, or no welcome at all

so I am going less and less, and dread going

Yesterday it came to a head, went in, ignored. ask for crayons, ignored. then they did a running game that nearly knocked over my baby, and my friends baby. when I asked the bigger ones to watch out for the small ones got told "why are you not using creche" ie booted out !

what really upsets me is that the sunday school teachers little DS used to be just as lively as mine! so why is he tolerated, and mine not?

so I left, had a cry in creche, went home

life is too short to spend 25% of my time in a church where it appears me (of my kids?) are not welcome

fucking gutted though , its not something I take lightly

OP posts:

Original poster

porcamiseria · 23/04/2012 15:44

do I? I am suprised you say that. I have been on a concerted effort to be nicer and less harsh on here. For every YABU, I will also post alot of YANBUS

i even apologised a month ago for being a biatch on here!

anyway, as I say to other posters when they get upset "focus on the positive, not on the negative!!!

please link me to where I have been a bitch as I am genonely curious!

OP posts:

entropygirl · 23/04/2012 16:00

Not a bitch...just posted yabu and then nothing else...I dont personally know why you would bother...

Original poster

porcamiseria · 23/04/2012 16:06

OH, OK, sorry
sometimes I like to be concise

obv not on a sensitive/emotive topic though

I dont take offence at it, but clearly others do...

needs to stay the fuck off AIBU today

OP posts:

MadamFolly · 23/04/2012 16:51

Find a better church

pingu2209 · 23/04/2012 16:55

I went to church last Sunday and there were 2 extremely badly behaved boys aged 5 and 9. It ruined it for me and my children. My 6 year old asked to never go back to church because the boys were shoving and pushing and hitting. 3 younger children went back to their mums crying because of the behaviour of the 2 boys.

I have no idea how your children behaved, and I have to say I think 1.5 and 4 is still very very little so loud behaviour and walking about etc is pretty acceptable.

However, I raise my situation because the view that a church should be welcoming of all and any behaviour of children is not accurate as it is unfair on other parisheners.

StealthToddler · 23/04/2012 16:59

are there any churches with split sunday school groups? our church has 5 age groups all are parent led, and all children are welcome.
we have 0-2, 2-5 for the littlest ones and we have toys, colouring etc, then story and songs. always busy.
I think it is very sad that you are not being made to feel welcome but some churches are more child friendly than others and it is not that you should stop going to church, but either find one that suits you better or put up your hand to actively improve the facilities at your existing church.
Is there a "children on sunday" co-ordinator or children's advocate at your church who you could talk to?
or have you discussed with any of the other mums of little ones whether between you you could run and improve the creche part of sunday school? Our parent led one is pretty easy, we just take it in turn every week and it does not make much effort. we split the two younger age groups when we realised we had up to 30 children in one group and it was just getting unmanageable!

are you in london??

StealthToddler · 23/04/2012 17:02

p.s we are CofE and I have only had positive experiences of sunday school, but maybe I have just been lucky!

habbibu · 23/04/2012 17:05

Bloody hell, entropy, no call for that.

ReallyTired · 23/04/2012 17:06

I am sorry that you are having such a difficult time. I think you need to tell the church how you feel. Talk to the priest and see what can be done to improve the situation for all families.

There are good churches and it would be sad to completely stop going to church because of a bad experience. I think you need to try out other churches rather than completely stop going to church.

habbibu · 23/04/2012 17:06

I mean, call people out on specific issues on the thread in question, but a random jibe at a poster isn't really on.

lisaro · 23/04/2012 17:15

You seem to be blaming the church for your childs behaviour. They are not a babysitting service. It's down to you to realise th'is and take responsibility for your child's bad behaviour. You are doing him no favours.

NarkedPuffin · 23/04/2012 18:18

Read it Lisaro. She's talking about the other people with children, in an area away from the main church, blanking her and her children.

That's nothing to do with expecting 'a babysitting service' and everything to do with people being very unkind, unwelcoming and generally not very christian.

lisaro · 23/04/2012 18:26

I have read it, and yes, that is not what I would percieve to be 'christian' but the op seems to think her son's behaviour is due to the church. She needs to address this.

bobbledunk · 23/04/2012 19:03

If your children's behaviour is so awful that other people can't stand being around them then you have to do something about it rather than whining about the consequences of their disruptive behaviour.

Teach your kids to behave, its not that hard, most people do it, you are in the minority that can't be bothered to socialise your children.

Parenting classes would be a good idea. Give your fellow church members a break until you've got it sorted.

Hebiegebies · 23/04/2012 19:19

Bobbledunk, read her op. she couldn't be more clear. Shes admitted her child could improve, but attitudes like yours made the first 5 years of my DSs life unbearable at times.
I went to parenting classes, cried my eyes out, wanted to give up, reached out for help, was pushed away etc
Now we are in a church that accepts us warts and all and we discovered it wasn't just my parenting skills that were the problem.....

Original poster

porcamiseria · 23/04/2012 21:27

THANKS narked and hebie

lisaro and bobble, my elder DC can be a bit lively, but given we get good reports everywhere else I dont think we need parenting just yet

but he does need to tone it down in church, and i can see that

but the issue is people have been unfriendly for some time now, and yesterday was the straw that broke camels back.

either they dont like me, or they dont like my kid. either way its a non issue as I shant enagege with them ever again

OP posts:

lolajane2009 · 23/04/2012 21:40

go to a different church and dont award this one with your attendance or cash. my church is quite good tbh and adores my 7 mth old son and imo the best churches are v. family friendly.

maddening · 23/04/2012 21:46

when there's 5 of them and a vicar sat in an empty church I imagine they'll wonder why- they don't sound very "christian"!

blackeyedsusan · 24/04/2012 13:45

A four yeear old at school is not expected to sit for longer than 10 minutes or so; they have lots of activities to choose from , and when expected to work with the teacher, they are usually given something interesting to do. In year one, when most children are 5 turning 6, there is a gradual build up to sitting for 20 -30 minutes at an activity. There is still a fair proportion of play and a lot of the activities are still practical. Expecting a four year old to sit quietly for an hour is unrealistic. (early years teacher) I suspect that those people who do not have childen who can sit for that long just don't go if there is no provision for them, especially if they are made to feel unwelcome.

Mum2Luke · 24/04/2012 14:29

This really gives out the wrong message to people about church, ok so your child can be disruptive but so can many 'churchy' kids bought up in a Christian family. They should have people who are able to deal with that.

Children are our future and if we cannot let them come to church and be welcome with open arms there is something seriously wrong.

My church now has 2 services so that we don't get too full and impersonal, many with children either opt for the ealry one at 9.30 so they can get home for lunch but creche and sunday school is offered at both. We don't expect children to be quiet, but if parents find it uneasy to sit while their child is wriggling can sit at the back and let them draw or toddlers can play with the toys while parents can listen to the service and not feel left out.

GreenPetal94 · 24/04/2012 20:04

A good sunday school should be able to cater for all children, however lively. My youngest had some issues but they kept him in the group even if he didn't participate in all the activities.

Yes, I would find another church. This whole experience is hardly bringing you any closer to God.

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