to not want to get back in touch with this friend?

[BreastmilkDoesAFabLatte]

Quick backstory

1. Breastmilk has cared for said Friend in almost every possible way for ten years or so. Then Breastmilk gets ill. Then Breastmilk has two DCs. Friend gets angry that Breatmilk puts her DCs before Friend. Friend gets therapy.

Several years later...

1. Breastmilk becomes so ill that she can't take Friend out whenever Friend wants. Friend comes to stay with Breastmilk and family for Christmas, causes several thousand pounds of damage to the plumbing, refuses to pay and loses her temper with Breastmilk's DH.

1. Breastmilk needs surgery. Friend emails to ask if she can come to stay whilst Breastmilk is on the waiting list.

1. Breastmilk emails back to say yes of course but really, it'd be best if you came after the surgery so that you could help out a bit.

1. Friend emails back to say that she's too busy and stressed to come after the surgery, and that Breastmilk's DCs are far too demanding.

1. Breastmilk loses her temper

1. Friend emails Breastmilk telling her exactly what a useless and pathetic excuse for a friend to Friend she is, and how dreadful it is of Breastmilk to have kept putting her DCs needs before Friend's and how stressful for Friend it has been to have to have known how ill Breastmilk is.

1. Breastmilk emails Friend conceding that she is indeed a useless and pathetic friend to Friend, and would therefore like to stay out of contact with Friend until she is fully recovered from the surgery.

Several months later...

1. Breastmilk has the surgery and feels a bit better and decides to ring Friend. Friend does not pick up the phone.

A week later...

10. Friend emails Breastmilk trying to get back in touch, and asking if they could catch up next weekend.

AIBU to feel as though I just cannot cope with Friend at the moment? I mean, if it takes her a week to respond to a missed call on her mobile, surely she must have some other sort of social life and/or support system other than me...? Or is she just playing mind games?

Takes a bow.

I was told that drain/radiator illustration by someone who had been on a counselling course, so I cannot take the credit for it, but it is very true and useful.

Excellent plan - assuages any guilt you might feel and will reveal just what kind of friend she is. Simple and effective, i like! Hope you feel much better very soon x

Hope your recovery goes well.
Please tell 'friend' to fuck off. She is sucking you dry!

Thanks for all the encouragement on here. I'll see how I feel on Sunday, I genuinely will. I don't want to get rid of her entirely, it's just that I cannot cope with her neediness or prim little homilies about how dreadfully uncommitted to her I am. And I don't want to lose my temper with her. It'd be sledgehammer cracking nut, and not fair on her...

I'm serious about you meeting her for a set time somewhere neutral. I understand you not wanting a to completely drop her, but you need to draw a protective line imho, take a set back from an overly intense and draining relationship, to preserve both of you. Good luck with it all!

Breastmilk makes arrangements for catchup with 'friend' and asks her to make sure that she has her chequebook with her so that she can reimburse plumbing repairs that her last visit required.

prim little homilies about how dreadfully uncommitted to her I am

Wow, and there was me thinking you're wedding vows were taken with your husband and father of your children

Good luck tomorrow breastmilk if you're meeting your friend. Hope it goes ok and she's not a complete nightmare. Remember to ask yourself (and her if she starts) 'in what way do I benefit from this friendship?'

I've emailed to tell her that I'm feeling really ill and in pain (which is completely true) and will be back in touch when I feel better. 'When I feel better' being also a euphemism for 'less grouchy and pissed off'.

Thanks for all your support.

See her if you want to, for you, but not because you feel you should IYSWIM.

And if you do see her (against MN wisdom) and she criticises you or behaves badly in any way, leave (make some excuse if you can't handle the confrontation) or if she's at yours ask her to do so.

Hope you feel better soon