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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

neighbour problem

63 replies

NettleTea · 22/04/2012 23:19

Afriend of mine came round and after she had left the neighbour called by and asked if she might come back as she had knocked down her father's motorbike as she reversed and damaged it.

I called my friend who said that as she reversed he had got very shouty, and she got scared that he might hit her, so she drove off. I said i would say I had emailed her, to give her a bit of time to calm down, and just in case (which I doubted) that it would blow over.

DP and I took the kids out to the car to go to a party, and neighbours father was there. dp chatted with him. It was a vintage bike - you could see where it had fallen, the handle from the brake had snapped off - there was a mark on the road and on the grass verge where it had landed. The man had calmed down and said if she came and paid for the parts then he would fix it himself, but it was his only transport. There were also about 20 witnesses as it was sunny and lots of people out.

We got to party and my friend came along. DP spoke to her, told him he had seen the damage, it was genuine and that he wasnt angry now, just needed to get bike fixed as he couldnt ride it with no brake. She said fine and went off. At pick up my dd asked her if she sorted the bike out and she told her 'its oK, we dont need to talk about that now'

This morning I was fixing a bike rack to my car and neighbours father came over. my friend hadnt been round. He was now beginning to get a bit cross again, which is fair enough. He had also noticed that the silencer had been damaged - I saw the dent and it lined up perfectly with the kerb, so I have no reason to doubt him. He was worried as he is self employed and is looking like he is going to lose a days work. He has her number plate from a neighbour. He said he if she had come yesterday she could have got away with just the handle for the brake, and he would have let the silencer go, as he hadnt noticed. But now the silencer and handle he could get for 145 inc vat, and gave me the website to check prices. He said he would still do work himself, but he needed to do it today or he was going to miss work. I texted her to tell her this, and that he had her reg number and would report it.

When we came home this evening she had still not been round, and he is bloody fuming now. I can totally understand this and I dont really understand whats going on, and dont want to be caught in the middle. I think my friend is really wrong. If she was worried I dont know why she didnt get her husband to bring the money or the insurance details, or even give them to me so she didnt need to see him. I dont think they are short of money, so thats not it. I think she thinks it will go away. DP told me she said 'oh dear, I hope that doesnt mean I wont be able to come round to Nettle's house anymore'....But this guy SERIOUSLY isnt going to let it go, and the longer it goes on the more likely it IS going to be that someone goes round and there is trouble.

I will probably see her at school tomorrow and I just dont know what to do. he was going to call the police and tell them I know who she is and where she lives.

OP posts:

BurningBridges · 22/04/2012 23:24

Sadly if she is not going to deal with him direct, or at least provide her insurance details (meaning the insurance co sort it all out and no one has to face anyone at all!) then you'll have to say "sorry neighbour I've tried and you must decide what to do now, I was only trying to help".

If he has her registration he can just report it to his insurers and they will trace her. Either way you can step out of it. Shame she wouldn't call him direct to talk.

ThatGhastlyWoman · 22/04/2012 23:24

Well, I think all you can do is sympathise with your neighbour and co-operate with the police if they do turn up asking questions. She ought to have sorted it out, but you can't make her do so. I hope he understands this.

She shouldn't have left the scene, either. I'd be quite upset with my friend, in your position. She is being dishonest, rude, and putting you in a very difficult position.

OldGreyWiffleTest · 22/04/2012 23:26

Well, she's being a bit stupid really. If he does report her then the Police could actually charge her with leaving the scene of an accident. Tell her this and maybe she will pull herself together.

celticlassie · 22/04/2012 23:28

I think you'll just have to tell both neighbour and friend that it's out of your hands now and if he gets police involved you can't lie for her. The neighbour has been more than reasonable and it looks like she's just trying to get out of it.

WhereYouLeftIt · 22/04/2012 23:30

"I called my friend who said that as she reversed he had got very shouty, and she got scared that he might hit her, so she drove off." Was he shouting "Look out, you're going to hit my bike!" perchance? Your friend is a bit shit, isn't she?

I'd make damn sure I saw her at school tomorrow, and tell her in no uncertain terms to get her finger out before he, quite rightly, reports her to the police.

Original poster

NettleTea · 22/04/2012 23:30

Thats how I feel. I dont want to actually give him her name and address as then she might feel that I am passing personal information and potentially putting her at risk, but told him I would obviously give it to police/insurance. I am really embarrassed tbh.
I have managed to passify him both this morning and this evening, but I dont really think its my job to be calming him down and trying to sort it out. he admitted he yelled, but that was because she was reversing and he thought she would stop, and he yelled at her to stop and then when she knocked the bike over. He admitted he lost his temper, but he had certainly calmed down when DP spoke to him and had said it was obviously an accident.
He is beginning to get a bit angry now, and i dont really want an angry biker on my case....

OP posts:

BurningBridges · 22/04/2012 23:32

Quite right Nettle, you can't pass her details onto him, but you can to the police or insurance company. If he asks again just say I am sorry I can't do that its not my business".

Original poster

NettleTea · 22/04/2012 23:36

well, I would HAVE to to the police, as they certainly know I know her, and that I have been trying to get her to come back and sort it.
She is a very nervous woman, very quiet and worried alot of the time, so out of all my friends probably the worst of all for this to happen to. BUT short of her being in a situation where her husband would actually kill her if he found out, and he keeps all the money locked away (which I have seen no evidence of) I cannot think of any excuse why one of them hasnt come back to me or him about how to sort out the problem

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 22/04/2012 23:38

What whereyouleftit said.

Your mate really is taking the piss here.

IMcHunt · 22/04/2012 23:43

Your friend needs to know, if she doesn't already (and really she should, if she's passed a driving test), that she's broken the law by leaving the scene of an accident, and about the best she can probably hope for is a hefty hike in insurance. Technically, it's an offence that can result in imprisonment or a driving ban (though I think those are reserved for accidents where fatalities or serious injuries occurred) but she could still get between 5 and 10 points on her license. Tell her that when you see her at school. She's being very, very silly, and if he phones the police as a result, it's really not your problem. Yes, you know where she lives, but you weren't involved in the accident, so there'll be no comeback on you from them.
Oh, and the guy 'isn't going to let it go'? Why the hell should he? She's carelessly rendered his only means of transport unusable, and is doing absolutely nothing to sort it out. My sympathy's entirely with him. Even if he did shout at her (if she thought he was going to become violent, she could have phoned the police herself at the time surely, or at least rung them to report the incident once she got home).

tartyflette · 22/04/2012 23:43

Well, it's not surprising that he is angry, your friend is messing him about something rotten. And he's worried about his bike, his work, repair costs and so on. If he has her reg. no. he can report it to his insurers, they will deal with it from then on. (And they will also ask him if he has informed the police, seeing as the car driver left the scene.)
I don't see why you can't give him her name and address, she is dodging her responsibilities, even if she did feel intimidated initially. And he's going to find it out anyway. You and also have to consider your future relationship with your neighbour. He hasn't done anything wrong, your friend has!

IMcHunt · 22/04/2012 23:44

x-posted with just about everybody...

McHappyPants2012 · 22/04/2012 23:46

It lucky she didn't hit my car and drive off as I would of phoned the police there and then.

Original poster

NettleTea · 22/04/2012 23:50

well, I think he was going to call the police, but we live in a small town and they are closed at the weekends!! He would be better speaking to the local station tomorrow and because they never have alot on, they can come and talk to me.

my sympathies are totally with him.

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 22/04/2012 23:53

Mine too

Actually your thread title would have read better as "Friend problem" really.

Original poster

NettleTea · 22/04/2012 23:54

I was thinking that too worra

OP posts:

Hebiegebies · 22/04/2012 23:55

She has put you in a difficult situation. Give police her details then step back

Kewcumber · 22/04/2012 23:57

Its an offence to leave the scene of an accident without leaving your contact details. If he goes to the police it could cost her up to £5,000 and 5-10 points.

Perhaps you could just email her that and suggest she contacts you or him urgently.

NatashaBee · 23/04/2012 01:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thatisall · 23/04/2012 02:14

your friend is taking the mick really...out of you and your neighbour.

Your neighbour sounds alright tbh, I think this friend should be called 'Irresponsible friend problem'.

IMO you should tell her tomorrow that she needs to come today. He will be calling the police tonight and when they come to your house, you'll have no choice but to give them her details.

If you're feeling generous you could offer to let her drop the money at your house? But thats just if your feeling generous!

thatisall · 23/04/2012 02:14

x comment....should really read the other posts first fail

iscream · 23/04/2012 02:51

Your friend is being really irresponsible. I cannot believe she drove off after knocking his bike over, what a jerk!
She better speak to him before he gets mad enough to sue and add pain and suffering from anxiety to her bill.

HecateTrivia · 23/04/2012 08:34

I agree. You need to tell your friend that ignoring it won't make it go away, he isn't going to drop it and she's affecting your relationship with your neighbour.

And that when the police come round, you will be required to give them her details.

cornsyilk · 23/04/2012 08:38

can't believe your friend hasn't tried to sort this. Your neighbour must be so angry - poor man.

Groovee · 23/04/2012 08:42

No wonder your neighbour is furious. She's been very stupid and if he goes to the police would be in a lot of trouble. A friend of mine had a similar issue and it turned out the woman who hit the car, actually wasn't insured!!!

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