To go to church even though i don't believe?

[MarriedInVegas]

I am wondering if iwbu to start going to church even though i do not necessarily believe in it all? My reasons for wanting to do this would be because i would like my daughter to be brought up in a faith of some sort. In times of trouble and hardship i see and hear of people turning to their church for support and guidance, people say it enriches their life in so many ways, also, i like the idea of her having "something to believe in" i feel that in my life a little something is missing and i don't want dd to have that gap.

Also i do like the message of Christianity, the whole "love thy neighbor" "do to others as you'd have done to you" etc etc. I want her to grow up with messages like this. I worry about how she might cope in the future when dh and i pass. I would want her to have some sort of way to deal with it as peacefully as possible (most people i know would pray) i think i just want there to be a nice support system for her throughout her life. I know that you don't need a religion to have this but i wonder if it really does make a difference throughout your life. I kind of hate that i don't really believe in anything, but i just don't!

Am i making sense? probably not! Anyway... aibu?

YANBU. I do believe, but we went through a long spell when I was in my twenties when we didn't go to church - DH didn't like the new vicar at the one we had been going to. When we started trying for a baby I said I wanted to go to church again because I wanted us to be part of a local community once we were parents, so we found a local church and stuck with it - now we're planning to move, and one of the things we're really sad about is leaving that church behind.

I think you should. Your own life may be enriched or you may decide having found out more about the christian community and its spiritual beliefs that you don't want to be involved it but if that is the case you are forming that belief from experience and from a fully informed perspective. The same will be the case for your daughter - you will be opening a door and she will be a able to take an informed view about whether she enters or lets it close. Bit like foreign food really, you can't say you don't like it if you have never actually tried it.

Our church is a lovely supportive community btw where we try to be inclusive and foster spirituality - and children are very very welcome and a lot of effort is put into making it a fun and fabulous christian experience for them.

Hah, I was agnostic before I got married, we started going to church in the run up to the wedding and that cemented my indecision and I am now atheist. By all means take her (and if you send her to a faith school she'll grow up with it in her life) but be prepared to become more of an atheist.

I think you should be very careful what church you choose, if at all. I'm not religious myself, but have several friends who attend church regularly and I always thought of their churches as being friendly, open, community-spirited places that did a lot of good work locally and further afield. However, my eyes were opened when the biggest of these (local evangelical) started to support the local anti-abortion organisation, the leader of which is a regular attendee, thus lending credence to their aims. The church leader has openly said he supports this group and confirmed this to the local press. I am fairly sure that given the size of the congregation many of its members will have had abortions and I do wonder how many of them sit through the church leader's sermons feeling as if they are being judged. Is this what churches are supposed to do?

My opinion of churches (fairly benign, community spirited etc.) has totally changed. I now see them as places that push a particular agenda (look at American churches and see how active they are in politics) and sit in judgment of people. If you look at the church's record for covering up child abuse that doesn't look too healthy either. I'm sure they're not all like this, but I would be as wary of joining a church as I would of joining a cult.

Hypocrisy... tchah. No do definitely go! Try to promote the values and focus on the fact that Christianity is about unselfishly loving others and using God's gifts to you for good and the benefit of society, not to act as a crutch in times of trouble. It would be of course but you would do your DD a disservice to stress the benefits in that way, or expect them. In attending you may find some guidance and belief yourself.

We are enquiring about having DD baptised and know that parents don't have to be baptised, so obviously the church recognises that parents can want this for their children even if they aren't Christians.

If you feel you want to go, by all means do.

However, I am a bit at the idea of trying to instil in your children belief in things which you personally do not think are real - regardless of whether you find them comforting or not.

I also agree with msrisotto: what made me an atheist was church and engagement with Christianity. I started out with the intention of getting confirmed and ended up renouncing my church membership instead.

There are many options available to you if you are not 100% comfortable going to Church.

I felt much the same as you do and have started to look at Buddhism as a good basis from which to live our lives. The children Bodhi school at the local temple on Sundays and get a huge amount out of the lessons, Tai-Chi and Meditation.

I would give it a try, at the end of the day it will probably help to clarify your thoughts one way or another. Remember that you may also want to look around until you find a church that suits you, they are not all the same. And if you don't enjoy it, no-one can force you to go.

Generally children are brought up in the faith/church of their parent(s). If you are not a member of any particular faith then it is commendable, on some level, that you want to introduce your child(ren) to it - although I am not sure why you feel the need to introduce something into your child's life that you don't follow yourself.

If it is the community, good motives etc aspects of religion you are interested in you may want to give the Quakers a look - they are all inclusive and promote being a good person without the HEAVY emphasis on one religion being the be-all-and-end-all.

Of course YANBU.

Maybe the fact that you are thinking this way is a subtle and unrecognised response to God's call (for you yourself as well as for your dd)?

Do you have a close friend you could confide in? Or make an appointment with a priest or try to find a spiritual guide who could help you work through your thoughts?

Or you could PM me if you'd like a anonymous person to bounce things off.

Should you not wait & let your daughter choose which faith, if any, she wishes to practice herself?

My children have morals are kind to other people and we dont go to church , i think you need to find your own way to do this with your daughter why go to somewhere you dont believe

I really don't understand why you would want to do this. There are other ways to make your daughter "a good person" than to make her listen to stuff you think is hokum every Sunday.

Go. You never know what it may lead to.

"I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me."

I used to go when I didn't believe. I liked the stained glass windows and the hymns

I do happen to believe now, but there's no reason why you can't just go for the social/peaceful side of it. If the morality appeals to you then that's okay too. People go to church for all kinds of reasons

OP doesn't think it's hokum. She likes the idea and the message, and want sit for her dd.

OP; don't think you have to 'feel' something. Feelings can be deceptive.

OP I am a die-hard atheist and think you should give it a try.

My work often involves reading religious texts of the past (historian) and I often find the things they have to say very moving. When I am going through a period of reading lots of religious I often think how nice it would be to have that sense of community and shared moral purpose. I also think one downside of the 'un-organisation' of atheism is that we don't have designated time-outs to sit and think about how we've behaved that week, were we nasty to so-and-so, could we be more generous/ less self-righteous etc.

I'm not saying it's impossible as an atheist but it's harder.

I cannot believe in God - I've thought about it a lot - but atheism is a sliding scale and if you feel like you might be open to the idea, try it. Don't beat yourself up if it isn't for you though.

yanbu, no harm in trying x

I don't think you are BU. As far as I can tell, you don't even have to believe in God to be a C of E bishop these days:-)

Actually, I do understand your dilemma. I think it's quite easy to bring your child up as an atheist but with a strong moral sense. You don't need religion to teach you morality. But what I do regret is that my DD, who has never been to church outside the occasional school carol service, has no real knowledge of the Bible or even of Bible stories. The Bible is a hugely important and influential part of Western culture, and you see references to both Biblical stories and texts everywhere. Take even a simple example like a reference to the good samaritan - how will she know what that is without having read the Bible? Whereas, despite being a non-believer, I'm very familiar with the Bible and Christian theology, and I've never regretted my early grounding in it.

But, you know, it's tricky. I wouldn't take my DD to church, because I would have to explain to her that I thought it was all completely untrue, in which case, how could I convince her that it was worth doing?

Another option is to try the Quakers, who are much more focused on the morality aspect and much less focused on the accepting Jesus as your saviour aspects.

I resent my religious upbringing - my church was homophobic (subtle but there, no out gay leaders). I am bisexual and hated that part of myself as a teen because of the religion I was brought up with. My religion also encouraged a sense of guilt that can poison my mind to this day. I think religion is something people should choose as an adult, not have chosen for them as a child.

I think you make a very good point MsWeatherwax. Churches do indoctrinate people and many of them send out very black and white messages.

noblegiraffe - You want her to be brainwashed by whichever church you select into believing something you don't think is true?

ha ha exactly! You said it way better than me.

Sorry OP, I can kind of understand your sentiments, but I think it's a bit strange, not mention, hypocritical to start taking your daughter to church if you yourself don't believe.

Why is it hypocritical, Deadsouls? She's taking what seems to me a pragmatic approach. It would only be hypocritical if she were doing it for nefarious reasons (e.g. getting DD into a church school).

I bet if you asked the church whether they'd prefer her, as an agnostic/atheist, to bring her daughter to church or not, they'd say, bring her.

I thought it almost an open secret that most in the CoE don't actually believe in it, but still go