to be annoyed that my 6 year old is a spoilt brat

[iwantanoompaloompa]

and blame DH for it....

DS1 is lovely on the whole. However, he has brattish tendencies. He doesn't tantrum or strop in particular, but he always finds things to complain about and look for the negative. He doesn't strop - just asks why things weren't different.

So, today was DS's birthday. Yesterday we went to a theme park. We had a lovely day but on the journey on the way home, all DS could say was 'why didn't we get to go on the ride that I wanted to go on?' (it was raining so we left 20 minutes before closing). We had been on every single ride apart from one DS saw on the way out.

Today has been his birthday. He has had a lovely day. However, his comments on the day are (all whilst lying in bed after a story)

• why didn't I get more dinosaur presents?
• why didn't I get any of my birthday cake (just to be clear, he had 3 cakes, he had some of two of them but the one that got cut up for the party bags got handed out and the leftover slices got mistakenly thrown away)
• why didn't you buy me the moshi monsters Guess Who instead of just the ordinary one?
• why did XX buy me that when I've already got one?
• I don't like that book, why did you buy me that book?

DH is exactly the same and I've tried to tell him that it's rubbing off on DS1 but he doesn't see it. For example, today I did all the party stuff, made a cake, loaded the car up with party bags, cake, spare clothes etc and, on getting in the car, DH says 'why aren't we going in your car, it would have been much better to go in your car than mine'

It sounds petty but it's grinding me down.

DS2 is different altogether and a happy little bundle of joy (takes after me obviously ).

So what can I do? I've tried telling DS that it makes me sad when he doesn't seem happy with things he has or does.

I don't want to threaten to take his presents off him as that would be cruel but I'm very very tempted.

I am very tempted to take them all away until he's written his thank you notes!

I agree about holidays - we were really lucky to have managed them for so many years, sadly, dd saw that as the norm as kids do, so now she gets fed up when she sees her other friends going away. I'm not saying I agree with her - I try to explain why things are different now.

I think I would act a bit shocked and talk about all the effort i had put into the party and about how it makes me feel sad that he is not grateful and perhaps suggest passing the toy he is disappointed with to a child who might like it more. Perhaps if you keep that up it might make him learn to be more appreciative.

'I just would love him to go to bed happy, after having a lovely day, rather than dwelling on the disappointments.'

You are feeling this as a reproach to you, that he sort of throws it all back in your face.
He really is being ungrateful and unmannerly. You are trying too hard to have him go to bed happy by providing nice parties and nice gifts and nice cakes.
He would be a lot more happy if you trained him to be grateful.

Maybe try asking him questions too, like
'Why are you spoiling this nice day by being ungrateful and whining?'

And tell him if he didn't like a gift he should think of who he wants to give it to instead of keeping it.

I think your DS is old enough to be told that when people provide what sounds like a very nice day out with family and friends, the thing to do is to say 'Thank you, parents', and to make a point of not letting the sun go down on a birthday without writing thank you cards to the friends who have given gifts, something along the lines of 'thank you so much for the XYZ and thank you especially for your company at my party. I hope you had a very nice time.'

mathanxiety, I am struggling to get him to write 2 thank you letters a night - it is like pulling teeth and will take a month at this rate.

However I have told him that he is not allowed to play with presents he has not yet written a thank you letter for, and this evening did lose my temper and tell him that I would be giving each present back if he continued to make such a song and dance of writing them.

I think I've realised that this is one of those times when he isn't being ill-behaved, but that most children naturally do this until they are taught otherwise.

So crack down I shall!

Good for you, iwanta Mine likes writing his name on thank you notes. Not really sure (he's younger) if he makes the connection between gratitude and scribbling his name, but it's a start. Then later, a habit.